Losing the Safe Feeling

 It's been one of those days that's been ... hard to kinda ... reflect? Reflect on. 

One of those days filled with a lot of Doom scrolling to try and understand why and how and for what purpose. 

There was a political influencer shot and killed at my alma mater today. 

Which I was only vaguely aware of this dude before the events of today. But from what I've seen....I would disagree with a lot of his stances. If not all of them. 

Mostly because he's aligned with the political party that I absolutely despise at the moment. Nothing good is coming from that current administration and I am doing my best to stay far far far far far away from it and anyone who has anything positive to say about what they're doing.

That being said.

I do not believe anyone should have been gunned down like that.

It's horrible. It's despicable. 

Especially because I hear his wife and kids were right there on the front row.

Like. Sure. There's a difference of opinion. 

But no one. No One. Should be a witness to that. No one should have their spouse or parent taken away like that. No one should have to go to bed tonight knowing that their loved one isn't there with them.

I've seen video. And it's awful seeing just how quickly life can be cut short. How events can go from positive 'let's talk it out and debate it' moments to screams and terror and trauma.

I feel for those people who witnessed it and the trauma all the students must be going through now. To have that safety net cut away from them. To now have that moment etched into their minds. Like how can one go back to school after such an event? Walk into that courtyard or even by that courtyard after such a thing?

And it's struck home in multiple ways.

Not just because THAT's MY SCHOOL. 

I've walked those halls. Been in that courtyard.

I was literally there a couple weekends ago with friends Pokemon hunting for fun. I was literally in that courtyard! I had sat at the top of the bowl by the fountains watching a child and their parents play along the stones nearby. 

It hits hard. 

That school has been a safe place for me for years. Like I haven't been to college in over a decade. But I still drop by on occasion. Mostly to just catch Pokemon on community events. But like. That was a safe place. And it hurts to know that violence happened there.

It's nerve wracking knowing that the shooter is still at large. 

Like I work minutes from campus. 

My job is right there.

If the shooter is local there's a huge chance I may have encountered them at some point in the past. Whether at my job or somewhere like grocery shopping. 

There's just that sense of safety that's been shaken.

Like the likelyhood of me specifically being a target is low.

The shooter clearly had a motive and one target. 

So it's unlikely that my safety is actually a concern in this particular case.

But it's worrisome. Knowing how close danger can be to you. Knowing that someone was able to do that right here in College town. 

So it's not surprising that I've been doomscrolling all day. Looking for footage of the shooter. Putting on the amateur detective hat and trying to figure out how they got on the roof from what I know of campus. Figure out where they may have gone. What routes they may have taken to get away. Wondering if they left the area or tried to blend in. If they jumped on the nearby highway or fled into the city. 

Also just find it amazing how the modern age makes it so there's a higher chance of there being footage of the shooter. Of the person being found. Like even now there's been a couple different perspective videos released from people on campus who just happened to film something suspicious or happened to have the right angle during the event to capture the person in the distance. 

There's just so much. 

So much to comprehend. 

And I'm kinda grateful that I was off today and home safe. 

Because I don't know how I would have handled it if I'd found out all this while I was at work. Where I was much closer to the shooter's location. 

Not sure how I'll handle it tomorrow when I go in to work...since the shooter is still at large.....

Hopefully they find the person soon.

Because again. No one deserves to go like that. No matter what their opinion or stance or belief is. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi