Empty Seats

There are some nights like tonight.
Where I think the Universe enjoys me being by myself.
Because even when I try to go out and be social...
It totally backfires. With a big melodramatic explosion too.
(Okay not really.)

So Tonight was Hudson Light's Farwell Concert.
It was a group that I'd encountered randomly, and loved their songs,
But hadn't had a chance to see them perform in person before now.
And since it was their farewell concert....It was basically the last chance I would be able to fulfill  my desire.
Surprisingly, there were still tickets available.
But I couldn't get them online because they took down the 'buy online' option.
Which meant that I had to go in to get my ticket.

I say Ticket.
Because I went by myself.

I'm not sure why I did that....
I guess I just assumed nobody would want to spend $15 on a ticket to go listen to a group I really liked, with me. Most people I know would have been at work anyways.

But I told myself it could be fun.
I mean, I'd be able to sit by strangers.
Maybe make a few new friends.
And. Get to listen to songs I'd never heard song by Hudson Lights before. ^^
See them perform live. ^^

I couldn't wait.

And then....expectations took a tumble. A really hard tumble.

Buying my ticket in person....for some reason the girl just picked out my seat for me.
I assumed it was because there weren't many seats left, so she picked the first single seat she saw.
Surprisingly she gave me a really good seat. O.o
Dead center. First row of the second section of seats.
It was really awesome, better than I had expected.
And since it was dead center, I assumed that there would be people all around me.
At first it looked like it would be.

But it wasn't. :(
The show started, and the three seats to my left and the two seats to my right....remained empty.
There I was. A single person. Surrounded by empty chairs.
Talk about feeling isolated.
Talk about feeling removed.
Talk about feeling really really lonely.

Especially after I watched like everyone else in the entire theatre come with friends, family and/or dates.

I tried to not let it bug me.
I really did.

I managed to keep it at bay for a little while.
Because I was distracted.
As I kept seeing different members of Vocal Point (current and former members of the group.) In the audience.
They even paused to talk to each other right in front of where I was sitting.
So close that if I'd just leaned forward and stretched out my arm, I'd have been able to touch them.

Talk about a silent fangirling moment.
And I say Silent because I basically just stared at them wide eyed and gave them a smile if they happened to be anywhere close to looking in my direction.

I should say Hi.
I should introduce myself.

Yet....
I didn't.
I didn't want to interrupt.
I didn't want to impose.
I didn't want to seem like every other Vocal Point Fan Girl wanting to talk to them.
Which meant...I wasn't like every other VP FanGirl.
Because I just sat there.
Alone.
Surrounded by empty seats all around me. -because the people sitting behind me moved to a different area.

Why?
Why?
WHY.

I try to be social, and it just ends up backfiring every time.
I'm too shy in new situations to be the one to introduce myself.
And somehow I give off the 'do not approach' vibe when I sit down hoping that someone will choose to sit by me.
Surely, Assigned seating. Where people bought tickets and had to sit by me... That would be a good compromise. Right?

Wrong. As I'm guessing the ticket holders either switched their tickets to different seats, or were no shows to the show.

Leaving me to slowly sink into the mood I'm in now.
One where I'm aware how by myself I am.
How I hardly interact with anyone outside of work.
How shy I am, too cowardly to take a leap and try something new.

*sighs*

That being said.
The Hudson Lights concert was awesome. ^^
Their music was amazing. Even more so in person. I loved their CD.
But hearing them sing right there, watching them interact with each other.
Definitely something to smile about.

Oh I wish they had released more than one CD because really, the songs they sang that weren't on said CD....I really want. I want to put them on my ITunes and listen to them over and over and over again.

They have a nice good vibe to them. A sound that I love.

I'm glad I was able to go and experience that. To see all the people who came out to support them as they go their separate ways. :)
So cool. So very cool. ^^

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi