What Are These Hills Made Of?

 The interesting thing about living on a mountain...is that you don't really realize.....like what the mountain is made of?

Like in the abstract you know there's dirt and rocks and such that make up the mountain.

But at the same time a mountain just kinda seems like that. One entire whole. No mini pieces. Just solid.

Of course, with the burn scar on the mountain by me and seeing all the dirt, rocks, and debris that came down through the storms it should be more clear that the mountain is made up of more than just 'mountain'

But it is kinda weird to see how like....in the abstract I kinda think of our mountain as made of dirt? Even though I can see rock fins all above us and know there's rocks in the dirt....

It wasn't until I was walking by the construction area towards the bottom of my street just to 'look' at the piles of 'dirt' there that I could see just how much rock is actually mixed in with the dirt.

Because with the mudslide that happened...it looked like it was pretty consistently just mud.

But seeing it after a couple more storms where the rain has washed more of the dirt away....there's a whole ton of rocks there. 

Which has me on the more curious side as to what type of rocks I could find there. 

Like there's probably plenty of granite and quartz. As I could see shiny among the rock piles. But like...what other stones are there that I don't recognize because they're not polished up? Are there fossils there? Are there precious stones? Is it all just various types of agate? Slate? Who knows.

Though it does have the wheels turning in the back of my mind.

Because I did, for fun, request a rock tumbler machine this year for Christmas. And like....if I actually get given it....it may be fun just to go wander down to those piles of rocks and pick up a bunch of them and tumble them and see what shiny stones I can pull out of them. Could be fun. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Two Types

 You've probably heard the ...idk if it could be called a saying, but the saying "There's two types of people in the world--" and then it goes on to give you two types of people. 

Like those who like cats and those who like dogs.

Those who can count and those who can't.

Etc.

And I suppose the 'two types' that has been on my mind this evening is the "Those who think about others before themselves and those who think about themselves first." 

Personally...I tend to fall into the former category.

I tend to think about how what I do can affect or help others first. And tend to put their needs before mine. Tend to work my schedules around their schedules etc. 

Which gets frustrating a ton of the time when people don't give me the same courtesy back. 

Like the recent vacation I took. I tried to plan my time away from everyone else taking vacation...but it felt like the moment people realized I was taking vacation everyone else decided they also wanted vacation during that same time.

It's happening again in a couple of weeks when I'm using up the last of my vacation time before the end of the year. I've had this vacation planned out for months and only now are people like "OH I need this time off too!!" 

But it's in other things as well.

Like....if I'm not feeling well I try to not bother my roomies and stay away...while one of my roommates has been sick all weekend...and coughing loud enough that you can hear them through the entire house...which has put the rest of us on edge because like....could you not cough quieter? Could you not stay in your room more?

Or like it's little things like....I watch this YouTube series where Pokemon cards are given away for free in drawings. Do I have an interest in the pokemon cards or game itself? Nope. But I have a friend who is. So I enter for fun because if I win I think it would be great to surprise my friend with those cards. 

And like when I'm shopping ... I tend to be thinking more about gifts for others rather than gifts for myself. 

And it has been a bit of a struggle....something I've been working on this past year....to not give so much of myself away. To try and take a bit rather than just give give give give give. Because takers will keep taking. And sometimes...you just need to stop giving. 

So it's been "be sure to buy things for yourself" "be sure to ask things for yourself" "try to not always accommodate yourself to others but make them accommodate to you."

But really....my first thought is still for others.

Like even today I found myself in a situation where I was like "Hey, if you don't need this, I could take it off your hands and use it to help my store." Only to get the response of "No I actually want to keep it because it will become more valuable over time so I'm hoarding it for now." 

Just...little things like that. 

Where I'm again reminded that not everyone thinks or acts the same as I do.

Doesn't stop from throwing me off every time.

But I do have to remember that more than likely most people are thinking "what's in it for me." rather than "what can I do for them?" 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Still Processing

 It's hard to write when you've got a lot to process. Because like...you want to write...but when you don't want to process you don't want to write. 

Because a lot has happened over the last few days. And while some has been good a lot hasn't been great. 

And I'm honestly still muddling through my feelings on everything.

Like it started with dealing with a headache that turned into a migraine Saturday night. 

-Which thankfully, the Nurtec did make that go away.

To waking up to the news that President Nelson had passed away.

To finding out while I was in the beginning stages of spending the day driving back home to my Daddoo texting that he was 'safe' and that the 'shooting was no where near him." and having to wait until I got to the next gas station stop to figure out that there was a shooting at a church in Michigan and worrying about that.

To dealing with just random busy Sunday construction traffic in like all the canyons which delayed me by like an HOUR getting home because everyone decided they had to crawl through the construction areas when they didn't need to.

To having to white knuckle drive the last little bit home because it was raining but the sun was shining at the same time and at an angle that made the roads blinding white so the rain was making it hard to see the road the sun was making it hard to see the road and I was stuck behind a tarp covered semi that send foggy misty rain flying behind it in a nice misty bright white cloud that also caught the sun and made it hard to see....so like there was a good 40 minutes of driving through "heaven like conditions" wondering if I was going to make it through because it was sooo hard to see.

To going back to work on Monday with no day off from the 11 hour drive to recover and getting sent right back into the frenzy of work and figuring out what crazy happened while I was gone and getting back on track on what's happening in the store....

There's been a lot.

And like....sometimes it's too much to really want to think about....let alone write about.....hence the gap in posting the last few days....because writing just seemed like too much.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Breakdowns

 There's a thing about trust being broken....

In that you recognize that things cannot be the same after that point.

And yet the heart yearns for those times before the trust was broken.

And yet the mind is going back to all those past interactions wondering just....just when did things start to go wrong. Was it lies from the beginning? Was it a slow decline? Was it just a wrong decision that caught brought to the light?

Who knows for sure what caused things to come to a head.

But this has been a year where I've watched multiple friendships between people just break down. Vanish. Alter. Change. 

Some have repaired themselves, though you can see things are not quite the same.

Some have fully ended. With no conversation taking place at all.

Others have become solely professional because they still work at the same location. 

And it's just .... I hurt for them.

For those who are hurting because of the decisions and actions of others.

For those who thought they had found their bestie. Their ride and die. Their confident.

And then get betrayed. To confide their fears and then have their friend turn around and become those fears. 

It makes it hard to trust people. I can see that. 

Makes it hard to want to make friends.

Because you wonder....how long will this friendship actually last IF a friendship is established.

The heart can only take rejection so many times before one shuts down.

And I've seen it happen a lot this year.

And it's just interesting to like...pick up pieces and clues that things weren't quite right. That things hadn't been what they seemed. 

Pick out the things you had ignored because they were your friend. And then realized that they were just taking advantage of you. 

It's been on my mind a lot this week. 

Mostly because I am the sort of person where I hold onto my friends as much as I can. 

So it boggles my mind that others would just...do things that would cause their friendships to dissolve and break.

It hurts. 

And I'm probably going to be chewing on it for a while more.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Outside Light

It's crazy how the lighting in a place can change how one is feeling when you're inside a home.

Like how sitting with all the windows doors and blinds closed....can make you feel one way.

But then the moment you open up things and let the outside light in....the whole feeling of the house changes.

Maybe it's just me being used to having more natural light shining into my home when I'm home. 

But it was interesting today how a lot of the tension I was feeling eased up a bit once I could see the outside world and get the natural light shining in.

Which does make me wonder about those individuals who live in homes who are like always shut up. Doors always closed. Blinds always closed. No way to see outside. No light coming inside.

It can't be good for the mind.

Like I could feel a difference from just a few hours....I can't quite imagine how people would feel after days or weeks or months or even years....

But then again....everyone is different. People have different tolerances for lights.

Like I tend to like more yellow lights inside my homes because the white lights irritate me.

But I'm sure there's many people where it's opposite.

But yah.

Note to self bring in more natural light. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Do You Know That Noise?

 It's interesting the ambient sounds that you become used to when you live in specific areas and how those ambient sounds could mean something completely different depending on where you've lived and where you're visiting or moved to. 

For example. 

I'm currently staying out in the country. 

The city is a long drive away. 

Wide open fields and such.

But it's the sort of country living where you cant take your rifle out back and shoot some rounds for fun because there's nobody living behind you because the neighbors are for the most part so far apart it takes fifteen minutes to walk to the next home. 

Me? Even though I live in surburbia...I don't usually hear gunfire. 

I've wondered before. But it's like.....fireworks? Maybe gunshot? But most often with a college being nearby its mroe than likely fireworks.

Out here? The sounds to me were like "Is someone banging on a metal sheet?" 

And my godparents are like "No, the neighbor's are shooting." and then list off the specific type of weapon they're using.

Which I find impressive that they can tell what type of gun is shot just by the sound. 

Especially because I would have no idea. To me it just sounds like someone working about making loud noise building something. Though knowing I'm out in the country and people use guns to defend against wild animals and such I did wonder if it was gunfire I was hearing.

But like....they also have a neighbor who's recently moved to the country from a city where if you heard gunfire someting REALLY BAD happened. So it took that neighbor and is still taking that neighbor a while to equate the sounds of gunfire to "oh they're just shooting for fun, hitting targets on their land." Or "Probably just killed a varmit.' variety. 

Like it's just so interesting how sounds can affect how you react to an environment, especially when you are constantly around said sound or are rarely around said sound. 

It's never something I considered.

But like it makes sense.

Like there are people who can tell you what kind of car is coming up on you just by the sound of the engine.

And like birders can identify different bird species by their calls even if calls sound similar. 

I know that at work I'm sensitive to when the Fish System turns on and off and I can sometimes hear when water levels in the sumps have gotten too low because they make certain noises. 

So like....

It's just interesting. What sounds we do pay attention to and which ones we don't. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Another Fire?

 Yesterday ended up being a bit more stressful than expected for a planned mellow Sunday. 

Mostly because the ridge above my home caught fire. 

Well, I guess the...draw? The mini not quite canyon? the slight valley? Who knows the name of it. But the fire started in the next draw over from my home. So if the fire had climbed up and over the ridge it would have come straight down the mountain for our homes basically. 

In any case.

I wasn't home at the time the first started. 

I only knew it was occurring because one of the roomies texted me a picture of the fire at the very beginning stages...as she'd just been leaving to go see family when all these fire and police vehicles came roaring by and she saw the smoke. 

And like....there's still a lot of anxiety...involving fires in my household.

For good reason since the house nearly caught fire what was it....8 years ago now? 

And any time a fire starts anywhere near our area ... my roomie tends to get a bit tense and anxious about it.

Which there seems to be a fire that happens every 2-3 years here. 

As there was a fire on the same mountain just a couple of years ago it feels like. Just slightly further south. 

In any case. 

Seeing the picture and knowing how close it was to our home --though still a handful of miles away-- I knew I would need to come back to support my roomie as the anxiety kicks up high in these sort of situations. 

Especially when you know that if the fire breaks over the top of the ridge it could come straight for us. 

And I have to say it was a bit nerve wracking as I came around the point of the mountain and made my way back into Happy Valley to see this giant plume of smoke rising into the sky. Knowing that it was near my house. Knowing I was still a good 30 minutes away from being able to be home to check in. 

But my worries lessened the closer I got to my home and I could see where the fire was.

Could see that it was being contained to inside that draw area. That it hadn't broken over the ridge. That it looked like the fire was moving up the mountain and south away from us rather than down and north towards us. 

And with how mellow the winds were --compared to the nasty wind storm we'd had Saturday night...I had little concern that the fire would come at us. 

There was minor concern come sunset as I knew the winds would shift a bit as the winds usually do with the setting of the sun. But if the fire had burned south enough by that point....then if the winds shifted it would have nothing to burn north at because it would have already burned everything. 

So overall my worries had been quelled upon seeing the fire in person. 

Were they fully gone? No. But was I stressing about it? No. 

My roomies though? 

Not so much.

And a lot of it was due to past experience with how close our home came to nearly catching fire nearly a decade ago. 

My evening ended up being a lot of reassurance and soothing to both roomies.

Thankfully we have a neighbor who has had experience fighting fires in the past so he was able to explain what was going on and show how unlikely it was due to the terrain that the fire would come at us and what would most likely happen if it did and how unlikely it would be to come at us anyways. 

Like

1. Rocky ground outcroppings on our side means less foliage to burn. 

2. There's a trail that cuts along the mountain that's a natural firebreak that the firefighters can use to stage more hoses and such, but could also use as needed to set back fires to prevent the main fire from coming at us. 

3. There's like 4 rows of houses and a wide road between us and the mountain so less of a threat to us specifically. 

Though yes, I do understand that flying embers can make the fires worse and cause them to catch wherever they land. 

But again. With barely any wind in the air. 

Less of a concern.

Still. We ended up camping out on the lawn with neighbors and family that came by to support to watch the smoke --as we couldn't see any of the flames as they hadn't crossed the ridge-- and watch the various helicopters and planes come in with water and red slurry to treat the fire. 

And really, by sunset when the plane and helicopters got grounded....the fire had mostly been put out....

Like it was still burning and embery looking for sure. But like huge towering flames didn't seems as likely.

And the firefighters had done a good job in trying to contain the fire into just the draw. Putting down slurry barriers on our ridge and at the bottom of the draw to stop the fire from coming at us and such.

So again. I knew we were safe.

The roomies took more convincing though.

And honestly I don't think they were ever fully convinced because the brain does love to do those 'what if' scenarios when the unknown is unknown and danger is on the literal horizon.

But there seriously was a moment where I would reassure one roomie, they would leave, the other would come up I would reassure then, they would leave, the first one would come back to be reassured again lol. 

And honestly...I think we would have had a more peaceful night because the fires were obviously smaller the smoke much less crazy....

But then the bishop sent out an email.

That basically was like "Hey, no formal evacuation has been declared, but they can't fight the fire with air crews at night so it's best to be prepared. Make sure you have everything you need ready just in case you need to evacuate." 

*exhales* 

Which started a further panic in the roomies of what should we take what should we bring.

And it definitely started that tug of war of like "We don't need to pack anything because I can tell nothing is going to happen." with "Well it's best to be prepared just in case" but also like "it's just stuff guys. Literally everything can be replaced." 

...well not everything. They were mostly focused on the irreplaceable stuff. Sentimental items and the like. 

But it did bring to mind the "what would I take?" if I did need to evacuate. 

Because seriously...it's just stuff. Most of it can be replaced. Would I be sad to lose some things yes. But it's just stuff. 

And maybe I'm just a bit apathetic about it because I've had one too many dreams in the past where it's the "the house is falling down grab stuff!" or "the house is on fire! the house is sinking! The house is being sold!" and I always end up bogged down with like...bins of stuffed animals I want to bring when honestly...it's just stuffed animals.

And maybe it's just weird because I'd had a dream a handful of nights ago where I was at my Dad's old home (as my dad sold our childhood home last year) and we were going through various rooms and in my old bedroom there was old jewelry and pictures and such that had been not yet taken where I was like "Why haven't I grabbed this yet?" 

But yah...

Things to take now in the real life?

Probably my contacts/glasses. Meds -since Migraines I don't want to suddenly stop those. Important documents. Clothes --which I just grabbed everything on my floor and shoved them in a waste basket. Laptop. A couple of my favorite stuffed animals. And then I was like "well if I had time." there are some of my mom's cross-stitches as well that I would also do my best to bring out.

But yah....it is an interesting perspective to just see what I would and wouldn't want to bring with me if I had to evacuate.

Like that list was just the quick "just in case 5 minutes before I try to go to bed" things I gathered.

If I had a couple of days to plan the items would probably be different.

Like...I suppose the main question would be....would I try to save my fish? 

I have 4 tanks of fish currently. 3 smaller ones that could be easily moved. But then I have this large 125 gallon tank. Can't really move that when it's full of water.

And like....it's full of water....water is the opposite of fire....but the tanks are on wood stands...which fire burns....

So yah....like would I make the effort to try and save the fish? If I had 2 days to plan? Probably.

If I had 5 minutes? No. They're fish. In water. I'll leave them to their chances.

But it does make you look at your home a bit differently.

Like....with all the stuff you've gathered over the years....what actually matters in the end?

Honestly....the important things for me would be. 1. My phone which has my wallet and hopefully with a charger. But if not. 2. My car w/ keys which my car has a charger in it. So yay charger. 3. Laptop if possible because laptop! but again can buy a new one if needed. which leads to 4. Being able to see so Contacts/glasses. (but I can always contact my eye doctor and be like...heeeey can I get some temporary contacts until I can order more in lost all mine in a fire)  and 5. Migraine medicine. But that one is ...lesser because I'm on a low enough dose that if I miss a day or two it's no big deal and I could always contact my doctor and be like "heeeey I need more meds. Lost mine in a fire." and I could get them rather quickly.

And then 6 would be like....sentimental stuff. Things I would like to keep with me. Things with memories. Things with value. Like at this point a lot of stuff from my mom would have higher value to me if I could keep that near. 

It does bring to mind too like....there's always talk about 72 hour kits or bug out kits of "if you have to leave fast take this!" 

And like...part of me is like....I should keep a change of clothes at work. A set of meds at work. An extra series of contacts at work... just in case. So that if for whatever reason I can't get home to grab anything. At least I have /something/ there so I'm not totally destitute and I have back ups just in case. 

It's also interesting how the mindsets vary in the face of potential disasters or actual disaster.

Like what my roomies focused on wanting to bring with them just in case is similar but also different from what I would take. 

It's also interesting because one roomie is like "I know it will cost money but maybe I should go get myself a storage locker and keep all my most important things there so they're not at risk!" 

Like...one of those storage facilities people rent to store their stuff. 

And like....yes....you can do that. But 1. Why spend the money on that? 2. Is it actually any safer? The storage facility could catch fire too and you could lose all your stuff in that as well. If the things are really that important to you...invest in like a fire proof safe at home maybe? 3. Why lock it away where you can't ever see it and enjoy it? 4. What's the point of even having it if you're not going to be able to see it and enjoy it whenever you want? 

In any case.

The fire smoldered through the night and the firefighters have been fighting it all day.

No idea how it's doing now though the smoke has faded some I'm hoping it's mostly if not all contained at this point. 

In any case. Still safe. Fire never made it over the ridge. And I think my roomies have been able to relax a bit more today with the fire obviously getting smaller and further away from us. 

Still.

It does make you think.

What would you take....if you had to leave suddenly in the face of disaster? 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

To Fit

 It's something that I constantly have to remind myself of.

That my coworkers aren't the same as me.

Mostly I have to tell myself that whenever it comes to more ... observational related tasks. 

Like that I should only tell my coworkers one maybe two tasks at a time because they won't remember the whole list given to them. 

Or that they're not as observant of the world around them and pay attention to random details like I do. 

Or just remember general information that they've been told a thousand times. 

So I understand quite well, even if it is frustrating, that my coworkers don't think the same way I do and need to be taught and shown in a different way. 

But it also goes to the physical side as well.

Most of the time I think of it the opposite way.

Because while I can lift more than most customers think I can...I'm still not the strongest person in the store, nor the tallest. So I tend to turn to my taller or stronger coworkers when I need a hand.

But it does throw me off a bit realizing that I can reach places they can't.

Like the most obvious would be our Feeder Fish tanks because it's such an awkward angle that the tanks are in that anyone with thicker arms or wider shoulders has a harder time scrubbing them.

But I discovered today that it also goes towards cleaning our bird cages too.

As we got a new bird endcap a few months ago.

With different doors and different perch designs.

And there's aspects of it that even I struggle to clean and reach. 

But today I was teaching my guy manager how to do the bird bedding change.

And needless to say...there was a bit of a struggle there because there are many narrow areas to work around ...and he's rather broad of shoulders and thick of arms.

So to reach those narrower areas was....hard. 

It's just...weird to think of. 

How there's stuff I can do that he can't.

Because often I'm the one asking him for help in moving the heavier tanks around in petcare when we're doing our morning scans to make sure that the shelves are full for customers. 

Because while He can easily lift and move the larger tanks by himself...I can't.

So yah.

It's interesting how we all have our talents and uses. Our abilities to fit and lift and reach in places and ways that other people can't.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Reaching the Threshold

I've been thinking about "maximum capacity" today. At least for the last couple of hours since I found out that another family member on my Mom's side has passed away.

Which means since...June of last year...I've lost 5 family members on her side. 

And considering the last funeral before 2023 on that side of the family was for my Mother Dearest....it's kinda crazy that so many deaths have happened in such a short time frame.

On the other hand...it's kinda expected? Like my Aunts and Uncles are all getting up there age wise. Old enough to have great grandkids if not great great grandkids. 

Though of the 5. 3 of those family members were my age or younger. So like....yah....

In any case.

I was thinking about maximum capacity because it seemed like my Mom's side of the family was only getting bigger as time passed. 

Like, we have well over 100 family members on that side from my grandparents (who are both passed) and on down. 

And like we had 5 births in the last year....but also lost 5 family members....

So has my Mom's side of the family reached the 'maximum' size it can get?

Like. Will deaths start outnumbering the births?

Or are we in a lull period where deaths and births will be equal to each and basically cancel it out?

Like I already know that we're expecting at least 3 more family members on that side this year.

But yah...

I'm just wondering...if there's like a threshold that we've reached. And while the family will still continue to grow....will the amount of those passed soon outnumber the ones still alive? Especially with the trend of the younger generations having smaller families?

It will be interesting to see in the next few years.

Though at the same time. I would much prefer to have more time pass before the next funeral.

Only time will tell though.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi 

Starving

 There are days where I just end up ... ... ... hungry.

Like. I'm eating food and such. But nothing I eat seems to fill me up.

I'm constantly snacking, constantly going to the kitchen, searching the fridge and pantry trying to figure out what the 'key' is to finally filling full.

It probably doesn't help that I tend to 'eat like a bird' so I eat a bunch of little foods throughout the day.

But there are those days where it feels like I could eat a whole buffet and still be hungry. 

Today has been one of those days.

And it's annoying because like...I've fed myself so many different things today.

Like actual real food too!

I had steak and potatoes. I had pancakes. I had candy. I had cheese. I had granola bars and crackers.

And yet....I'm still hungry.

*exhales*

And like....it would probably help if I made something but like....I don't have the energy to actually make food. Not beyond warming things up.

Still makes me wonder some days....what my body is craving that causes it to be so hungry. What food group am I missing that it wants? 

Who knows.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Returning to Passion

 I often find it difficult to write...when events happen in my life that....I don't quite want to process yet. 

Since I often use writing to process things...if I don't want to process.... I don't write..

And that's....something I probably need to stop doing to myself.

Like....2023 was a hard year.

Did it help at all to not write about it at like...all?

Nope. No it did not. 

So maybe....I need to just buckle down and try and keep up the goal of writing every day...and process things sooner rather than bottling them up to look at again....like never. 

*exhales*

In any case.

2023 was a hard year.

It felt like I was running on empty. Drained. Listless. 

It felt like I kept giving and giving and giving....and yet didn't get enough back in return to recharge myself and find my energy again.

I'm still not quite ready to go into details of like....the crazy that's been the last year.

But like....maybe it will come out piece by piece....as I'm going to try harder to return to this blog on the daily rather than like once in a blue moon.

Because it's frustrating for sure to be like "I'm going to do this!" and then have an event hit me and then I go "I aint writing about that! I don't want to process it!" 

Which is what happened back in September. 

Writing was going good. I was blogging...not consistently but more often in September than I had been the previous months....

And then we got news that my Grandma Dirchi...my Last Grandparent. Had been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.

And it was Terminal. To the point where my Daddoo wasn't confident that she'd live to see Christmas. Probably not even Thanksgiving.

And suddenly all my focus went into trying to find time to see her when at that point I was working mostly night shifts. So it wasn't like I could just drive up after work to see her. And it was...hard. Because I was working closing shifts and my Daddoo kept sending texts of like "You should go see Grandma." "You should go see Grandma" "You should go see Grandma." 

And like... I'd already been feeling so much family pressure through most of the year for other reasons and to add on top of that the work stress.....

The rest of September ended up being a blurr.

Like I finally was able to use the last of my vacation time to take time off at the beginning of October and like....the two days before that time off I had been overinundated with noise stimulus at work. With chatty workers. And my general emotional exhaustion. And it got to be too much.

And I had no time to unwind from that work stress because I had taken the beginning of October off to a) Be able to be around for my Godparents who were flying in to see Grandma (as my godfather is my uncle and my Grandma is his Mom) and was trying to be there for all the family coming to gather to say their last goodbyes to her as she had stated that she wanted to live until her Birthday.....

Which Dad, who's worked with cancer patients, stated that usually people who state a date they want to live too...don't end up living too much longer past that point.

And My Grandma made it to her birthday! We had a wonderful day with her and family celebrating her 85th. It was....it was great. A nice last hurrah.

And it was hurrah.

Because she passed away the very next evening.

And it was....hard. Hard because I was present at the house when she passed. And it felt...I felt like I couldn't really grieve because I was trying to be there for my Dad and his wife and Be there for my Godparents and Be there for my other Aunts and Uncles and family members who were there and just....support them.

Have I fully grieved her passing yet?

Probably not. I've been so focused on others on helping ease their way that it's....it's been hard to sit down (write) and find time to focus on myself. My feelings. My emotions. My state of being.

Mostly because I knew I wasn't doing good already. I've been suffering emotionally this past year but couldn't really see a solution to the issue beyond buckling down and hoping I could have a chance to 'rest' later on.

But when it feels like you're going from one crisis to the next.....Like....Guys...I had SIX funerals this year. FIVE of them Family. 

It's...it's hard to try to be emotionally stalwart while others are struggling around you. To be the rock they can lean on for support while you're trying to not crumble yourself.

*exhales*

It's been a hard year.

And like I'm trying to look to the positives. 

Like yes. There were multiple funerals this year. But there was also more opportunities to see family than normal. The occasion may have been sad, but the ability to see family I otherwise might only see maybe once a year...that...that was nice. To catch up with and see them.

I also rediscovered my love of Latch Hooks this past year. As I desperately needed something 'crafty' that I could succeed at and accomplish because writing...writing has been a whole problem. I love to write, but I've struggled so hard to do it this past year and a half.

And being able to go do something with my hands. Complete multiple projects. ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING. It helped. So much. It felt so nice to complete things. And I think I'm finally getting to the point where I can actually sit down and write and get more of my stories out into the world again as I've missed it. 

Alot.

I know the New Year is often one for Goals.

And yes, I've set myself some goals.

But mostly they're goals to like....return to my roots. Find the joy and passion I had in things, like blogging, that I had lost over the last couple of years.

So yah....

Here's to hoping that I'll be able to find that passion and enjoyment again.

Because honestly, I've missed it.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

13 Years Later

 It's weird to think that even a couple of years ago I thought that I would never not be blogging.

Like it was easy to write and post my thoughts most every day. The main exceptions being if I had a really bad migraine, or happened to be out of town.

But like. Blogging was just something I did....

But then there just came a point where it just....faded out.

Which honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a bit of depression involved.

Because thoughts of "what is the point?" usually don't follow more happy/positive individuals around. 

My voice has been...mostly silenced for the past little while. Even though I know I have things I can write about I just haven't had the energy to like...take the time to write it out. 

In some ways I miss the 'old days' where I could blog daily. Where I was posting stories monthly.

And I finally feel like I may be coming around the curve. Getting my energy up. Getting my motivation up.

It's hard to know for sure....but like....this past week I've finally felt like I could breathe. That I'm not going from stressing about one crisis to the next. From trying to solve one problem to solving the next problem. I can breathe for a moment. Relax for a moment.

And hopefully that moment is long enough to get those creative juices back up and running. To have recharged myself enough to see the work ahead of me and not worry about the effort or time involved but instead looking forward to seeing the end result. 

September has always been a month of beginnings for me.

Let's see if we can begin once again.

Happy Blogaversy guys.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves. 
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

A Retail Holiday

 You know, one thing that irked me a bit during the pandemic....

Was the fact that the "Essential Workers" didn't ever get a break.

Like people got to 'stay home' or 'work from home' but the 'essential businesses' where people 'needed' them....stayed open. Workers stayed working at the business. 

And like in the moment....I was grateful. Grateful to not lose my job. Grateful to have a source of income when I knew so many people lost their jobs.

But I am so exhausted. I know it's impossible to sell food from your home. Or sell pets and such from home.

But I really wished that we had a break like other people did during the pandemic.

And like sure....hours were shortened so stores weren't open as long.

But actually getting a break from work?

Not so much.

And it kinda just hit home today how much retail workers sacrifice to make other people happy.

Because for like 99% of holidays...retail sort of stores and food related places....stay open.

There's no holidays for those businesses.

Like the only days my work closes are Thanksgivng and Christmas. Which are 2 days of the year.

And sure, on the more major holidays we often 'close early'

But it's not the same as having an actual 'holiday'

And holidays seriously are the worst.

Because everyone else who gets the holiday off...often decide to come shoppinng on said day off. 

Which means a lot of pets being sold and a lot of customers in the store. 

And it was....sooo irritaitng to have to constantly be doing cat adoptions today. Like I spent probably half of my shift showing customers cats becuase they decided that they had to have a new family member today. 

*exhales*

It made me wish that we had "Retail" holidays.

Like actual holidays where all retail businesses closed.

If federal holidays can allow other businesses to take a day off.

Why can't we also have retai holidays too?

Like it wouldn't have to be that often really. Just do one Retail Holiday every quarter. Once every 4 months.

Pick a Monday or a Friday and just....have retail businesses close.

No food. No pets. No clothes shopping. No fast food.

.... I'm sure the world would riot actually if we did that. At least more of the crazy Americans would because they would be like "BUT I NEED MY NEW SWEATER NOW!!" 

Or the more important "I forgot to buy food for pet or myself and I NEED IT" 

It would probably have to be a rotating holiday for retail. Like it's a monday for Groceries. A friday for clothes stores. A Saturday for Animal stores so the whole economy doesn't vanish 4 times a year.

But yah.

I think us retail workers deserve our own 'holidays' where we're not required to be at work and can just chill.

Never gonna happen unfortunately. Not with any corporate businesses at least. They value earning money too much to risk giving their workers 4 retail holidays a year. 

*exhales*

Still. It would be nice.

Especially after having had to deal with customers on holidays for the last decade.

Worst days ever in the retail world. Honestly.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Where's the Sun?

 So.

Waaaaay back in 2018. Like...September I think?? 

I thought it would be fun to spend a month taking pictures of the sunset each day and post them online.

And honestly, I only intended to do it for a month and then stop.

But then like....a lot of people commented that they liked the pictures? And I'm pretty sure my Mom was one of those people.

So I decided to continue taking pictures of the sunsets whenever I could. 

And it's crazy to think that this is something that I've been doing for a little over 4 years now. 

I honestly didn't expect that I would keep that particular 'hobby' as it is up for so long.

But it's actually pretty easy to do so all things consider.

I just need to have access to my phone's camera and well...be looking outside when the sun sets and walla! Photo moment!

But so far 2023 has been weird.

Because it's been 5 days of the new year.

And I've yet to get any pictures of the sun setting. 

The last time I got a picture of the sunset was Christmas Eve of last year.

So like that's what nearly 2 weeks of me not getting sunset pictures?

It's crazy!

And like. Not all of it is exactly in my control.

We've had a bunch of storms the past couple of weeks. Most of them happening right towards dark so there is no sun to see set. 

But I've also had to work more shifts that last until after dark.

And unless I time it right in grabbing carts or something -which obviously I haven't timed it right- then I miss the sun set those days too. 

Like I know the sun shown both Tuesday and Wednesday.

But due to me working past dark....I missed those days.

And tonight? Tonight was another potential incoming storm with the clouds clogging up the horizon.

So yah.

It's crazy to think it's been nearly 2 weeks since I've last seen the sun set.

And it's got me feeling kinda off?

Like.

I've still been taking pictures....just not of the sun. 

And yet I feel this itch to do so. 

Like. Where is the sun? Where are the setting colors I've seen nearly every day for over 4 years? 

It's weird.

*exhales*

At this point though, I am curious.

Just how long will it be before I can get another sunset picture?

Afterall the next week shows that we're having another series of storms coming in.

So it may be a while before I can manage.

Guess we'll see.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

A New Goal....Ish.

One of the thoughts I had while watching General Conference this past weekend is that I should probably get back into reading the scriptures. 

Like...it's been...well years since I've actually studied them. Read them. As I've been more focused on reading all the available conference talks on the app instead.

Like...it's been since before the pandemic that I actively read through the books. I think even before the Come Follow Me program started. Like I remember starting the Come Follow Me books that first year when we were supposed to read...the Book of Mormon I think? But it ended up falling by the wayside like a lot of things did during the pandemic. 

But it's been a thought for a bit....that maybe I should try and read the scriptures again. Do the whole highlighting and note taking and thought jotting thing.

Only like...the idea of opening the scriptures I already had at home was rather....unappealing. As I've already marked those up. And I really liked the idea of, well, a fresh start.

So I figured on Saturday between sessions I would drop by the Deseret Book and buy myself at least a new Book of Mormon to mark up and read since the regular book shouldn't cost that much there. 

However. Turns out that Deseret Book, at least the one I went too....had closed Saturday. For Conference. lol In retrospect...it made a lot of sense for the Church owned store to be closed during the Church's General Conference. 

Go figure.

In any case. Monday, after a bit of dithering/arguing with myself because I was TIRED after the little sleep I got from stressing too much Sunday night....I ventured over to nearby D.B. after work to try my luck again.

Good news. They were open lol.

And I found the little blue book Book of Mormon that I'd been thinking of Saturday easily enough.

And I was RIGHT! They weren't expensive. Only like $4ish which is amazing for a book! lol. 

However, I also noticed that there were other styles of the scriptures available, so for funsies I decided to take a closer look at those to see what was up.

And I discovered something amazing. Something that's probably been around for a good long while, but since I haven't actively searched for new scriptures in like....a decade....I would have remained well unaware of.

They had JOURNAL versions of the scriptures!!!

Which they're just the scriptures. Your good old Old Testament and New Testament and Book of Mormon and Pearl of Great Price and Doctrine and Covenants. 

BUT.

The margins were like two to three times as wide along the sides. Giving you much more room to write down your thoughts on the sides of the scriptures. 

ITS AMAZING.

Like my handwriting isn't the greatest. But it's even harder to read when I'm trying to smush a ton of words in a itty bitty space. So to have MORE space to write in?! Genius!!!

Lol I ended up buying all 4 books (OT, NT, BoM, PoGP/D&C) then and there -after more dithering on what colors I wanted the covers to be lol.

But yah! Went from wanting to buy a simple blue cover book of mormon to like getting an entire new set to write in!!

I'm so excited!

But I'm also in a bit of a dilemma as to where to start as I don't want to overwhelm myself first thing.

And like in the Come Follow Me....we're apparently studying the Old Testament this year. But since I have not been following that at all during the pandemic....

I'm not sure if I should just jump into the end of Isasiah where the Come Follow Me indicates we're studying this week, or if I should just start at the beginning of the Old Testament, or since the new year is literally only like...3 months away maybe I should start on the New Testament and get a head start on that. Or maybe I should just stick with the original plan to read the Book of Mormon and do that instead. Or since I am trying to get to church more often....maybe I should just jump into the middle of Isaiah and start there instead.....

So yah. I haven't decided what to do yet now that I have the books with me. But I'll figure it out soon enough.....as soon as I also decide what type of pen/marking tools to use lol. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Where's the Stable Ground?

 I've probably said it before and I'll definitely say it again.

But like.

I'm not a fan of change.

Or I guess...instablity?

I like things to be stable.

Which often means....unchanging.

And if things need to change....I do best when I have a heads up, so I can mentally prepare for said change and learn to accept it as the 'new normal' as it were.

And I have to admit....the past couple years has been....hard in that regards.

In regards to family really.

As I like to keep my family close. I like having them nearby and I enjoy doing things together with them. 

And one of the things that I've missed....is the traditions we used to have when Mother Dearest was around.

Like the tradition of gathering together as a family and going out to eat to celebrate someone's birthday.

I liked that. Liked meeting together to celebrate.

But with her passing....things changed.

Like we still meet together.

But we haven't had a family dinner out to eat in ages it feels like. It's been years since we've celebrated a birthday at a restaurant like we used to do.

And part of it is probably expenses. As we're a bigger family now with my siblings being married and it's only growing bigger with them also expecting newborns in the next little while.

So I get it.

Some traditions end up no longer fitting and needing tweaking.

But I do wish that they weren't just dropped.

I wish that I could get into the 'new normal' mindset of how things are going to be from here on out with our bigger families making it more difficult to all gather together to be together.

And part of the difficulty is probably from constantly being told "Family is important. I want to be with family." only for the actions to not match the words. 

What family is being talked about when birthdays are missed? When the opportunties to gather together and bond are dropped in favor of going to other places.

If family is important....why isn't more of an effort made to show that family is important? 

*exhales*

In many ways I know what is meant. And I can understand where everyone is coming from.

But the part of me that likes stability is just....left flailing. The part of me that doesn't want to change is torn asunder.

It's....depressing really.

And it makes it hard to want to interact with my family when I know I'm going to be hearing more news of change. More news of instability that I will have to adjust to until it becomes stable or shifts to yet another instability before I can find solid ground.

It's just....hard.

I get that things change....but a lot of the times I wish they wouldn't.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

What's in a Name?

 It's interesting...how hearing the name of a person can semi influence your opinion on them...just because of past experiences you've had with another individual with the same name as this new person.

We've hired a couple new people at work recently. Ones that have names of coworkers who used to work here, but no longer do.

And it's interesting how names can follow....trends? In what type of personalities that person has.

Like when I heard about the first hire "S" my first thoughts were "Huh. We had a coworker with that name before....they were amazing!! But they also ended up quitting right before Christmas. Flat out just said "I'm not coming back." no two weeks notice or anything. Leaving us in a bit of a lurch. 

And on paper. The New "S" also seemed amazing. Basically everything we needed. They could work in multiple departments. Had an open availablilty. It was like a dream come true!

Until they actually started working at the store. And then it was "Oh btw I can only work like 2 days a week for like 4 hours..."

And like the first official week. Like after the first shift working in the store "S" was like "Oh yah, I'm not going to be here much longer." and like put in their two weeks notice.

Which is Soooooo frustrating. 

Like they are doing school and work at the same time but apparently it's too much stress? So they just....quit work. 

Which I get it. Working and going to school at the same time isn't for everyone. (I never did it myself so I do get it.) 

But it's sooooo frustrating that "S" wasn't upfront with that. Like we knew they'd moved here for school. But like.....wouldn't you want to make more than a 1 shift effort before calling it quits??

*shakes head* So yah. "S" lived up to their name as seeming reliable and then being super unrealiable and leaving us in a lurch. Joy.

On the other hand.

We also have the new hire "E" who is also a repeat name with us. And like...it's weird because "E" also looks and has a similar personality to the previous "E." to the point where they could be siblings lol. 

And while I've only worked one shift with the new "E." I'm hoping that they'll continue the trend of the old "E" as "E" has been pretty calm, mellow, easygoing. Like it's easy to work around them. Easy to teach them. And they don't really let the crazy of starting a new job ruffle their feathers.

So I'm hopeful this E will stick around for a while. *fingers crossed*

But yah.

It's interesting how people with the same name...despite being from different families. Different generations. Different cultures....can often have the same quirks/personalities.

Small world I guess.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

There's the Smile

So. At work I've been basically the last hold out on no longer wearing a mask. 

I mean there was a point when the vaccine first came out and after I'd been vaccinated and a lot of mask mandates dropped...that I didn't wear a mask at work. For like a month...before there was a resurrgence in the virus and we were told to wear masks again.

But overall...with the exception of a few days where and there where migraines have made it impossible for me to tolerate wearing a mask because the slight pressure on my ears can trigger it worse....I've stuck to wearing a mask at work.

Other aspects of my life? Not so much. Like I still wear a mask when I go grocery shopping. But like I've gone on vacations and such where I've barely pulled on a mask and been fine.

But with work....it's always felt like a much larger risk to stop wearing a mask there.

Especially when, whenever I do truly consider this being the 'week to take the mask off' a coworker ends up coming down with COVID and my paranoia jumps back up because I. Do. Not. Want. To. Get. It. 

I've seen the effects the virus has had on my roomie and my family (as I'm the last of us to catch it --to my knowledge) and it's not something I personally want to experience.

Hence my caution. 

Because working in retail. Working in a pet store. 

It's literally germ central. I interact with soooo many people in a day that I just haven't felt...safe....in removing my mask. 

And it definitely wasn't helped last month with all the college students coming back for their fall semester in College Town and with the local Petco closing down at the end of July (temporarily they should be opening their new location in another month or two), my store has seen a bit of an uptick (total chaos) in customers coming to us with very little corporate help (aka No extra hours whatsoever) to help support the increase in customer demand.....that I really didn't feel like being exposed to so many new people over the course of an 8 hour shift. 

So yah. I've been the last hold out at work. The only time I see other workers wearing masks here (since it hasn't been required in ages) is when they're feeling poorly and so wear a mask. 

But this week....that changed. Not purposely. But on Monday...Labor Day.... I ended up with one of my nuclear migraines.

One that kept me up all night and refused to go away when I finally made it to work. *exhales* So I chose not to wear a mask. Because the thought of having pressure on my ears when my skull was already pounding to pieces just....didn't appeal to me.

And with how badly I was functioning at work. I knew that I wouldn't be staying for long. We had extra coverage due to the holiday. So I ended up leaving as soon as my replacement Petcare person showed up (at 11am) to go home and die in bed and listen to movies in the dark until my brain decided to stop with the stupid migraine. 

In any case.

I meant for it to be a one day thing. 

As I wasn't really inclined to be maskless for Tuesday or Wednesday when I was working closing shifts because that's guaranteed more people.

But Tuesday came....and while the migraine was gone....I could feel the rebound headache that almost always happens after a major migraine ediging in....

I didn't want to risk triggering it back. 

So I went without a mask again on Tuesday. And again on Wednesday....and then again yesterday and Again today.

And it's been a week now of me not wearing my mask at work.

Which on one hand has my paranoia slightly on the higher side because I'm worried about me basically tripping at the finish line and catching COVID now because I spent all week not wearing the mask.

On the other hand...I have to wonder if a bunch of my headaches that I've been getting at work...were mask caused because while I did have the major one Monday and the slight rebound on Tuesday....it feels like it's been less prevalant the rest of the week for me to have a headache? 

Which is kinda surprising because stress is a huge contribuitor to migraines and work is anything but peaceful currently. 

And like....I've had a bit of chest/throat/sinus irritation. But it's hard to know if it's from catching something from a customer/coworker....or if it's just because we've had Fire Smoke descend upon the valley the past couple days. (First time this year it feels like compared to last year when it felt like every day of summer was a fire smoke day).

So yah...it's hard to know for sure in regards to that.

But in any case.

The reason why I bring up the mask thing....is because I've had two people comment this week about how "nice" it is that they can see my "beautiful face" and they're really happy I'm not wearing a mask anymore so they can see my face/smile more.

And it's just weird. 

Like. I'm well aware that I have a bit of a low self-esteem. Because like...if I really was pretty and beautiful as people occasionally tell me I am....then why do I not get dates? Why am I not married yet? *shakes head* 

Yah. It's a self-esteem issue that comes and goes.

In any case.

It's just thrown me a bit...off guard. To have the fact that people like seeing my face brought up twice this week.

Like. Maybe its the fact that I've kept my face basically covered since the summer of 2020. So I'm not used to it anymore. People aren't used to seeing me without a mask anymore. So it's more unique to them as they haven't seen it. 

But it's still weird to have people comment about my face.

I get comments about my hair all the time lol. it's unique in it's silver grey streaking after all.

But my face? *shakes head*

I don't get it. Like it was flattering for sure. And I'm pretty sure the positive serotonin they gave me is supposed to convince me that I should keep my face bare and no longer wear a mask in the hopes of getting 'more compliments.'

So yah...I'm a bit...undecided on the mask front.

On the one hand. Not having something tugging at my ears (beyond the radio ear piece I have to wear) has been nice. 

But it's stressful too. Especially when you get a stupid customer at work who spends a good 30 minutes or so wandering around the store hacking up a lung and making no effort to cover their mouth while doing so....like...I don't want to get sick. Wearing a mask as definitely helped on some level in keeping me healthy overall. So being maskless around people is....stressful. Especially when customers have no concept of 'personal space' and try to stick right next to your side.

*exhales*

But yah. It's just weird....to think that people actually like seeing my face. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

12 Years Later

 I don't know if you'd call it Writer's Block or just like a ....general sort of "Meh" mood that's been building and building and building since the pandemic started if not before that point....

But like... ... ... It's been really difficult convincing myself to you know...write. To blog. To post.

I've been spending the last...well...forever just....reading. Not really producing my own content but enjoying other people's works and creativity.

Perhaps it's just burnout. Burnout from writing. Burnout from Pandemic life. Burn out from working Retail. 

Whatever it is...

It just feels like this....Wall. In front of me.

Where I know I have IDEAS and I have Content that I want to blog about. I want to write. I want to do all the things.

But when the moment comes I just...retreat. I go lose myself in reading, in scrolling through various social media.

And I don't write.

Probably because the recurring thought in my mind is "What's the point?" "Does it even matter?" "Who will even care if I post something or not?" 

In a lot of ways I've probably regressed to my first year of college self. To the time when I wondered if I could actually make a difference. If my words would mean something to someone somewhere.

And it's hard to get over my own blocks to reach out to the keyboard. To get my thoughts down on the screen and then to finish said thoughts and share them with whoever is there.

I want to get back into writing more.

It's just....gonna take time.

Baby steps.

It's like starting all a new....and I just...need to find the motiviation to keep going. I managed to keep this blog pretty consistently updated for years....there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to do so now. 

So.

Since today is the 12 year Anniversary of me starting this Blog.

Perhaps it's now that I should try and start over.

Start fresh.

Get back into the mindset of sharing what's on my mind. Getting those thoughts out. Not keeping them bottled up.

After all. I've always considered September to be a time of new beginnings. 

So let's begin again. 

*fingers crossed*

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Spoil Me

 It's been one of those weeks where....idk...I've been wishing that someone would remember me. That I would come home and there would be an unexpected present waiting for me because someone saw something, thought of me, and decided to send it.

I suppose it was triggered earlier this week when an unexpected package did show up for me....but that was because I'd completely forgotten that I'd ordered the free COVID tests. 

Man. It was rather disappointing to open this mysterious package and see that. Covid tests. Bleh. Like good to have on hand just in case.

But after being informed by the roomie that I had a package waiting for me that I was 'certain' I hadn't ordered....it was a major disappointment. 

*exhales* 

Like...I like giving presents to people. I like sending unexpected things to family to brighten their day.

But there are days....where I wish they would return the favor.

Just...send me something. Something to go "Hey I saw this and thought it would make you smile." 

Of course....my family is a bit more concerned about money than I am at the moment since they have families and houses and bills and such to pay for. 

So they don't exactly have the cash to just....spend willynilly on something random.

And it's not like the family is aware that I'd like to receive gifts from them. 

How could they know I would like something to cheer me up when I tend to have the 'suffer in silence for the greater good' sort of ideology going on. I don't usually speak up when I'm having problems. And even if I do speak up....it's not like people's first thoughts are "Oh let's send her something!" 

Nope. That's my go to method. lol. "Oh hey you're not doing too good right now? Here, let me send you a gift to cheer you up!" 

In any case.

It's been one of those weeks where I miss the comfort of being...idk....remembered?

And I've been off and on clicking on Amazon looking for things to by myself just so I have something to look forward to before talking myself out of it because money and 'why should I spend this on myself do I actually need it?' sort of thinking.

But last night I kinda just....hit the tipping point? 

Probably directly influenced by the fact that I didn't get "alone time" in the house like I'd been expecting. 

But yah.

Last night I was kinda like "Screw it." and ordered myself a few things off of Amazon that should be arriving over the next week because I need  something to look forward to. A nice "surprise" to get upon getting home from a hard day at work.

Even though it's not really a surprise since I know what I'm getting. 

At least I can kinda pretend that it's....a present. idk. 

In any case.

Keeping up with the "Screw It" mentality. 

I ended up ordering myself some Texas Roadhouse to pick up once I got off work.

As it was confirmed (and actually happened) that my roommates would be out most of the day and that I would get a few hours in the house by myself.

So I figured I'd reward myself with food. As that's an easy reward to give myself since I don't usually have to worry about where to put the more physical things I end up buying myself.

And it was great.

Because I got off work and headed over to Texas Roadhouse --and got confused because the message said for me to park my car and text the number that I was 'here' and then 'wait' in my car but like....there was no curbside pick up signs at all in that parking lot --a really really crowded parking lot because go figure that having the restaurant near the mall would mean that the stalls were all super full and super crowded with cars at the dinner hour-- in any case. No curbside pick up sign had me confused so I parked....but I was so far away I figured they couldn't see my car so I head up to the curbside pickup window that I could see and just I get there I get a message on my phone that my order is ready and that I can come get it from the curbside pick up.

lol *shakes head* So apparently it was supposed to be a "Wait in the car until the order is ready and then come get it." situation. Having not done curbside pick up from Texas since they actually installed the window....I had no idea that that was the case. As last time I had to go into the building to grab my food. 

In any case.

I had excellent timing in that I was able to basically go to the window and go "Hey I need my order" and they handed it right to me.

Love the no waiting thing.

I even managed to get out of the crazy full parking lot decently easy because there were cars lined up everywhere waiting to move to other places around the mall. So the fact that I got to the main road with little issue was amazing.

AND THEN.

Like five minutes after I got home with my food, one of the packages I'd ordered last night ARRIVED.

XD so I had the wonderful 'surprise' of being able to open up a package and see the little carved Toothless Dragon that I'd ordered.

Dude's adorable and brings a smile to my face when I hold him in my hands.

So yah.

Spoiling myself is awesome.

Especially when things fall into place so that it's all easy and fortuitous and such. Definitely helped to lift my mood a bit. :D

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi