Breakdowns

 There's a thing about trust being broken....

In that you recognize that things cannot be the same after that point.

And yet the heart yearns for those times before the trust was broken.

And yet the mind is going back to all those past interactions wondering just....just when did things start to go wrong. Was it lies from the beginning? Was it a slow decline? Was it just a wrong decision that caught brought to the light?

Who knows for sure what caused things to come to a head.

But this has been a year where I've watched multiple friendships between people just break down. Vanish. Alter. Change. 

Some have repaired themselves, though you can see things are not quite the same.

Some have fully ended. With no conversation taking place at all.

Others have become solely professional because they still work at the same location. 

And it's just .... I hurt for them.

For those who are hurting because of the decisions and actions of others.

For those who thought they had found their bestie. Their ride and die. Their confident.

And then get betrayed. To confide their fears and then have their friend turn around and become those fears. 

It makes it hard to trust people. I can see that. 

Makes it hard to want to make friends.

Because you wonder....how long will this friendship actually last IF a friendship is established.

The heart can only take rejection so many times before one shuts down.

And I've seen it happen a lot this year.

And it's just interesting to like...pick up pieces and clues that things weren't quite right. That things hadn't been what they seemed. 

Pick out the things you had ignored because they were your friend. And then realized that they were just taking advantage of you. 

It's been on my mind a lot this week. 

Mostly because I am the sort of person where I hold onto my friends as much as I can. 

So it boggles my mind that others would just...do things that would cause their friendships to dissolve and break.

It hurts. 

And I'm probably going to be chewing on it for a while more.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi