Decimated Plans

Disclaimer: This is going to be a Long Venting Post.
You have been warned. 

Why do things never seem to go to plan for me?
Seriously, it's the reason why I don't make plans.
They don't work out 12 out of 10 times.
It's true.
 
Life just loves to throw a wrench in the works.
It thinks it's funny like that.
But it's just stressful and annoying for me.
Seriously....just once, I want everything to go my way and end up being fantastic!
 
I thought it was going to work out this time.
I totally did.
 
I mean, after years and years and years, of trying to convince my two best friends from HomeTown to move down here to CollegeTown so we could hang out together.
They actually decided to!
 
Talk about excitement!
Both of them. Down here.
I don't know what I'd do with myself.
It's crazy, I couldn't believe it would work out that they'd come down here.
 
Plus, we also wanted to room together.
Which I was not quite so sure about.
You know the horror stories of friends becoming enemies because they roomed with each other.
Still I was willing to try it.
Willing to have a different scene.
I've grown so tired of the 'Strangers as Roommate' playground I've been on for well...since I moved down here. I really wanted to move in with people I knew. People I liked.
What better thing then to move in with my two besties then? Plus, I had a roommate I actually liked already living with me. So why not find a nice inexpensive four room place to go live in?
 
Like I said a few days ago, I thought we were looking for a house.
Turns out they wanted an apartment.
I thought we were looking for four bedrooms.
They'd been looking for three.
 
I wanted to try and work things out between all four of us.
But the Hometown peeps didn't want to have my roommate move in with them. They didn't think it would work. They were worried about her boyfriend causing trouble. (rolls eyes, he's hardly trouble.) They thought the age different (like 3 years) would be too much.
Basically. They wanted it to be the three of us and not the four of us.
 
And I was not okay with that.
I was not okay with the fact that they didn't seem to take my word as good.
I told them it would be fine. To have her there.
But they basically just brushed it off.
Like my opinion didn't matter.
Like I can't tell between good roommates and bad roommates... >.<
It bothered me.
 
Just as much as it bothered me that they were basically already begging to have the contract signed that very minute once we'd looked at the apartment.
Remember, it's like the first apartment.
I think it's the first apartment they've looked at in person down here.
I know it's the first one they looked at with me.
 
I was the wet rag. I said we'd have to talk it over.
I wanted to check out some other places first.
Because I was sure that there had to be a place that was better.
 
I wanted to have a chance to check out a few other places now that I knew what the new game plan was. Just to see if there was something better out there. Something that would work out better for us all.
 
I mean, the place was nice enough.
But it's tiny.
Like half the size of my current place. The rooms are the size of closets really, it costs more than my current place. It's unfurnished which means I have to spent money to get a bed, when my place is furnished already and has a bed included. There is so much. So much that I didn't like about it. I mean, it's on the top floor. Where the only access to it is STAIRS. Can you imagine trying to move furniture up that?!?!
To make it worse, the owner wanted us to move in in June. My contract with my current place doesn't end until August. There is NO WAY I would be willing to pay rent on a place I'm not living at yet! Nuh uh, I'm not wasting money in that manner.

Really. If it was just a little less expensive I possibly could have gone for it.
I mean, it's my friends! I want to be around them.

But still I wanted to look. So look we did....at one other home that definitely wasn't to our liking. We scrolled around some online ads as well before calling it a day.
The other two were still caught up on the first apartment we looked at. They were talking about seriously accepting the contract.
I wasn't. I asked to be given some time to think about it. The guy in charge gave us two weeks. Which was great so I could have a couple of weeks to look under the new game plan. An apartment. Three bedrooms. Sure.
Get my head wrapped around it. Sure I could do this.
It was easier to do so when my current Roommate said that I shouldn't try and get all four of us together. That she'd be moving out at the first of the year anyways *wedding bells*
So. I went to work.
Checking out other three bedroom places.
Hoping that if I could find one that allowed pets, that that would be the clincher and the friends would agree.

The sad news was that, it was Memorial Day weekend. So any places I found online, I would need to wait until like Tuesday to go check them out in person. Ask Questions. Get answers. You know the Drill.

That was my game plan. Spend this week looking at places before showing them to my friends.

Yah.
That didn't work out.

Hardly 24 hours after we'd looked at the one apartment.
One of my friends sent a message.

"Hey...we've been thinking it over. And we really like this place, we feel really good about it. So we're going to contact the owner tomorrow and accept."

O.O Excuse me. WHAT?!?!

THEY HADN'T EVEN GIVEN ME TIME TO GO CHECK OUT PLACES!!
Why?
Because they were concerned that somebody else would scoop up this "deal."
So they had to accept fast.
*bangs head against wall*
But they didn't give me the chance to check out any other offers.
The websites I shot their way hurriedly, I don't even know if they more than glanced at it. Dismissing them quickly because they were too expensive. *bangs head against wall.*

They were accepting. No ifs ands or buts.

They added that they understood if I still needed to think it over. That I wouldn't need to move in right away, that if I couldn't move in at all they'd understand, but they'd love to have me as their third roommate. But if not, at least they're down in happy valley so we can hang out more.

I tried to tell them it wasn't that great of a deal. I mean my place is less expensive. And bigger right now. I didn't want to move into someplace smaller.
"Oh...like $20 less and friends compared to your current place."

>.< I hate manipulation.
It just puts my back up.
I refused.
I wasn't going to move in with them.
They could find a third roommate themselves. It isn't going to be me.

Seriously though, I'm so upset.

Because this whole situation has told me....that I don't matter.
Did they consult me on the change of plan? No.
Did they trust my word that my current roommate would fine. No.
Did they give me time to work on the new game plan? No.
Did they want me as a roommate? No. The answer is no.

They may say it. May like the idea of it.
But it's not a priority that we're roommates.
I'm a perk. Not a necessity.
If it works out. Great. If not...well we 'tried.'

And it hurts.
Seriously it does. I've tried to convince them to move down here. To be roommates with me for So. Long.
And it's just tossed aside at the first moment.
Shouldn't we have worked together to agree on a place? Shouldn't we have searched for more apartments to look into? I mean, they didn't need to move down until August anyways, when School starts. We still had time.

Basically....I think they're looking to get out of town. To move away from their current situations and get a fresh start.
And me being part of their picture is totally just a vague option.

Honestly, I wonder if they know me at all now. This whole situation was one big "No." What they did was press all the pressure points to make me stress out. To tense me out. To give me those headaches I really don't like to get. To emotionally tear at me.
Ever look up the things not to do to an Introverted Person? Well they did them all. Changed plans unexpectedly, didn't allow time to think and consider, didn't consult with me...everything was done wrong.

>.<
So I was down to looking for a place for just me and my current roommate.
A two bedroom place. No big deal. We liked living with each other. I could work with that.
I also knew that this wasn't going to last long....she'd given that 'cut off date' remember?
So it would only be like another semester or so...but it would be something....

Or not.
Yesterday she broke the news.
That she wasn't going to be able to move in with me after all. Due to other reasons that are totally and definitely more important that she work on.
This. I was fine with. She gave me a heads up. I was already halfway expecting it from the 'short term' thing earlier.
So I was fine with this news, was aware of the possibility that it wouldn't work out. I was prepared for this. So I was fine.

...She signed her new contract today....*sighs* our days as roommates are numbered now.

Oh so depressed.
The idealistic roommate scene I'd been hoping to finally get....
Smashed.
Ruined.
Pulverized.

No rooming with friends.
Once more, I'm on my own.
So tired of being on my own.

Seriously....why couldn't things have just worked out? If I'd just had a little bit of time....we could have decided if their place really was the best place in the area....
 
*sighs*

Honestly, I really just want to throw in the towel. Find myself a nice one bedroom place that allows pets. I'll be my own roommate and finally get my nice 125 gallon fish tank I always wanted.

I don't see that happening either unfortunately.
Not unless I get a significant pay raise in the near future or win a million dollars.
Because for some odd reason One bedroom apartments are EXPENSIVE.
O.o I don't get it. I would think that they'd be less expensive I mean...less people. One person.... I don't get it.
Also ITS A COLLEGE TOWN for HEAVEN'S SAKE! That means POOR PEOPLE LIVE HERE!
But everywhere I look. The places cost like 3 of my 4 monthly paychecks! THREE.
When my current place it's like one paycheck on a good week.
*bangs head against wall*
I'm not foolish enough to move into a place so pricey. I kinda want to eat. Want to be able to go out and do things. Actually be able to buy my fish tank.

Bang.
Crash.
Smash.
Gone. Another plan.

And so now, I'm in despair.
I don't want to move in with more strangers. I'm so sick and tired of dealing with their drama.
I'm also not going to stick in with my current place either. I need to get away from this atmosphere. I only moved in here because I had my sister and friends moving into the complex as well.

Maybe I'll just do what a coworker suggested and buy a trailer home and live in that. >.<

So there. There is my venting drama....
I don't know what to do at this point.
I know I'm not going to be moving in with my friends, it's just not....the right feeling for me. To do so.

*sighs*
I don't know.
Something will work out. It always works out.

I just wish it had worked out my way.
Y_Y

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi