The Inner Stress

I was complaining to my coworker yesterday, that I had had multiple headaches this past week.
And they asked me if I'd taken a moment to reflect, and listen to my thoughts in the quiet moments.
As perhaps some of my deeper inner thoughts were causing me stress and that's why I was dealing with more tension headaches. lol.

I played it off, that my thoughts tend to focus around ideas for stories, or internal grumblings against customers that I had to deal with over the past week.

*exhales*
Honestly though....it is those inner thoughts that are probably bugging me. Stressing me out.
Those quiet thoughts that just flash across your mind and are gone in an instant because I keep trying to dismiss them.

And the general premise of those thoughts?

Usually falls under the category of "What I'm doing wrong."

It's hard on occasion....to see other people's lives progressing. People getting married, having kids, or even going on dates.
And not look at yourself and wonder. "What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me that I don't have these things?"

I'm sure everyone has those thoughts at some point or another.

Those quiet inner thoughts that like to point out the things you're doing that are probably the reason why you're not 'progressing' as quickly as others are 'progressing' in aspects of their life.

Some of those thoughts for me are like:
"It's because I work a retail job."
"It's because I'm already graduated from college."
"It's because I look too young."
"It's because I don't do this activity."
"It's because I don't socialize."
"It's because they don't like my smile."
"I probably said the wrong thing there."
"Maybe I just look frumpy in this uniform."
"Maybe I'm not pretty enough."
"I probably just made a fool of myself."
"It's because they said that they don't like this thing and I do that thing."

It's those inner stressors, causing my headaches more than likely.
Those tiny voices of self-doubt that occasionally get too loud and just draw your whole perspective on life down.
Wondering....what more could I do? What should I change? Why should I need to change if I'm happy where I'm at?

*exhales*

Those thoughts are annoying.
And I try to ignore them. (Not too well on occasion if the headaches are anything to go by)
As for the most part. I'm happy where I'm at.
lol. About the only thing giving me grief right now is my struggle to work on writing. lol. ;)

I dunno....
It's just one of those weeks I suppose.
Where the doubts are higher than the hopes.

Hopefully I can squash those thoughts back down soon though.
It's no fun to feel bad about one's place in life after all. :)

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi