Remix

There's a point where you kinda decide that things are getting out of control. 

Where things just aren't going your way or getting beyond what you can deal with. 

And it's that point in time where I think I've been feeling that.

Things that I've been okay with before are no longer okay.

Things I was able to do consistently, I now struggle to do. 

Like. My room is usually a mess. 

It has been a mess for the past year since I moved. 

Because yes, I've yet to have my room perfectly fully cleaned since I've moved into my new place.

And it's only a week or so away from me reaching the one year mark since I've moved.

I mean, I've had my moments where I've organized things, made sure the center of the floor was clean, the bed made. But it's the side things, the little knick knacks that have yet to find full organization. 

And I think I've finally reached that point.

Where it's bugging me. Where I need to organize it. 

To finally have everything in its place.

And have my room clean, organized, and not full of random little piles against the walls. 

*exhales* 

Organizing is so hard.  

There are other things I find difficult to do.

Writing is always one of those things.

Being social is another, but we'll focus on writing. 

As I've always struggled with being able to creatively write. Get my story ideas down on paper and such. I mean, I have my good days and my bad days. 

But being able to write is slowly leaking into my other writing things.

Like keeping up on my journal. Or getting my blogposts done earlier in the day.

*exhales* Part of that is because I'm distracted with other things....

But really.

I think it's all getting to a point where I need to do some drastic changes.

Like spend a day cleaning my room.

Spend a day catching up on journaling.

Spend a day just locked up in a happy zone somewhere that allows me to creatively write without the struggle.

And it really comes down to energy.

Do I have the energy to do all this?

And like I've been saying in the past few blog posts...

My energy has been more lacking than normal.

Where I've had a near constant ache behind my eyes.

Where I've been more likely to get tense over little nothings.

And all in all it just leaves me tired.

Uninspired.

Struggling to keep up a positive front. 

Because I kinda feel like a leaky bucket right now I think.

I keep trying to resettle myself. Get my mojo back. 

But I find myself running on beyond empty. 

Unable to think, unable to act. 

Just staring at webpages for hours on end while I try to find the inspiration to do something.

Really.

I need to get myself into gear.

Find a way to keep my energy levels up for longer so I can do more once I get home from work.

Find a way to keep from expending more energy than necessary. 

Find a way to refind the writing inspiration....

*exhales*

Yah. Current Goal.

Get myself back in order.

Because with how tense and headachy I've been the past week or so.

I obviously need to fix something that's somehow broken. 

Before it drives me totally crazy.

Until you next see these words;

I'll be watching the leaves.

Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi