New Years Resolutions

It's a new year.

2021.

And in typical fashion. People are thinking about their new years resolutions.

What they want to accomplish this year.

Especially since last year put such a major wrench in everyone's lives.

And usually I tend to make my resolutions in September. As I associate that as more of a 'beginning time' after all the years of school I went to.

Though those resolutions are the starting of new projects.

While New Years is kinda like a...reflection? I don't know.

And I know lots of people are making resolutions today on what they want to accomplish.

And honestly. My main goal has been the same goal for the last two years.

Write a story a month and post it.

Though I'm hoping to increase this. To post a story in each Fandom I'm interested in every month.

To post in Sanders Sides, Detective Conan, and to venture into writing for Avatar the Last Airbender too. 

I want to write more. Tell more stories.

It's a difficult and easy goal to keep at the same time.

Easy because I have plenty of story ideas to choose from.
Difficult because I can't always overcome the 'you're not good enough' barrier to actually work on writing said stories. 

I'm keeping it simple. At least one story a month. But I'm aiming to push myself. To try and get more than one out every month. We'll see how I do.

Yet.

I keep feeling like there should be another resolution that should be taking a priority in my life.

That of finding myself a boyfriend. Of finding someone I want to marry.

Yet. I hardly feel excited about the prospect.

Especially with the pandemic still going strong. 
Like I know people have met and gotten married during the pandemic.
And it's totally probable that if I ever did anything besides going to work and hanging at home...I could encounter someone special. Someone who could be my best friend. My one and only.

And yet.

The couple of times I ended up talking to guys and giving them my number...it hasn't ended as well as I would have hoped for.

And that is rather depressing.

And has once more brought up the thoughts of 'what is wrong with me' because people keep expressing surprise that I'm not married yet. That I haven't found 'the one.'

*exhales* I don't quite get it either. Did I expect to reach my thirties and still be not married? Nope. Have I? Yep.

Do I expect I'll be getting married this year?

Ha. Hardly. 
Until the pandemic levels go down in my area I'm very leery of venturing out and hanging out with strangers in public. I don't know where they've been, I don't know what precautions they've taken, and I don't know who they've been with.

So yah....if I end up with a boyfriend this year I expect it won't happen until October. 

There's always surprises though. Always unexpected twists and turns. I've had friends start out the year thinking they'll leave the year single and instead leave the year happily married.

So it could happen to me.

I could find the one.

But am I anxiously looking? No not really.

I've probably reached that disillusioned stage where I don't know if there's actually a guy out there that I want to spend the rest of my life with. That I want to spend eternity with.

The sentiment is nice. But putting it into practice? I can't fathom how it works. Though I crave it. I want to move onto this 'next step'....and yet...

Who knows how that's gonna happen.

For now though. For at least the cold months where it's difficult to meet people outside...I'm gonna stick with focusing on writing. On doing my job well. 

And see what the spring and summer brings me. To see how the pandemic is going at that point. As right now since 2020 was such a weird year...I'm hesitant to try and put any plans in motion until I can better see how things are gonna go.

So yah.

Write.

Maybe get into a relationship.

And definitely work on figuring out how to stay better up to date on my blogs. XD lol. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi