It Was Expected

 It's kinda exhausting ... to mentally have to prepare yourself to not get a day off. 

Like since last Saturday that's kinda been my mindset...maybe even before then. 

Because my EL manager has been sick for a while...dealing with morning sickness and a couple other issues on top of that. 

But like.... the illness has been bad enough she's had to go to the hospital a few times because she can't hold down food, and barely can hold down water on a good day.

Which isn't great when you're trying to get nutrients for yourself and for your little one. 

I'm really hoping that this is just a first trimester illness for her and things will improve after that point...because having to deal with 9 months of stress is not great for her.

And not great for us either. 

Because it sucks at the moment to schedule her and wonder "will she be able to come in today." 

Hence my mindset the past week or so. 

Just mentally preparing to have to come in on my day off, or stay longer for a shift, or go without a middle manager and not be able to take a lunch. 

And even when she does make it into the store....she's basically a ghost manager. Because if she's not in the bathroom throwing up then she's hiding in an office trying to not throw up. 

So while she's present...she's not present....

So it came as no surprise when I received the call tonight.... that she's called out for tomorrow....on my day off ... and that I was asked if I was able to come in to cover her shift.

Which yah. I am able to.

I'd already mentally prepared myself for the possibility. 

But it would be nice to just be able to you know.... relax on a day off without worrying about how the store is doing or how the EL is doing and how coverage is going. 

Like...I'm going on vacation this weekend.....and I'll be out of the store for a while....

And it's like...will the other managers be okay without me there? Especially if the EL is constantly calling out? 

Like we haven't managed to fill our empty manager position. 

I can't imagine how well it's going to go with us being down 2 managers...and maybe a third manager if the EL keeps calling out for illness....

I've wondered more than once if I should just cancel the vacation and stick around.

But at the same time....

I'm kinda tired of catering to everyone else's issues. 

I've had this vacation planned for a while now. I had no idea my EL was expecting when I did my vacation plans. I was trying to plan it where we'd be fine with coverage.

Like...I was doing all I could to make sure we'd be fine when I was gone.

And I hate that it feels like I'm screwing over the store by going on vacation...when I did everything I could to ensure that this week would be an okay week to go. 

It's frustrating.

So frustrating. 

But at least I was already mentally prepared for tomorrow. So I can get tomorrow's shift out of the way and then my obligation to help out at work for coverage will be done for the week. 

*fingers crossed* that everything goes well.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi