The Inner Stress

I was complaining to my coworker yesterday, that I had had multiple headaches this past week.
And they asked me if I'd taken a moment to reflect, and listen to my thoughts in the quiet moments.
As perhaps some of my deeper inner thoughts were causing me stress and that's why I was dealing with more tension headaches. lol.

I played it off, that my thoughts tend to focus around ideas for stories, or internal grumblings against customers that I had to deal with over the past week.

*exhales*
Honestly though....it is those inner thoughts that are probably bugging me. Stressing me out.
Those quiet thoughts that just flash across your mind and are gone in an instant because I keep trying to dismiss them.

And the general premise of those thoughts?

Usually falls under the category of "What I'm doing wrong."

It's hard on occasion....to see other people's lives progressing. People getting married, having kids, or even going on dates.
And not look at yourself and wonder. "What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me that I don't have these things?"

I'm sure everyone has those thoughts at some point or another.

Those quiet inner thoughts that like to point out the things you're doing that are probably the reason why you're not 'progressing' as quickly as others are 'progressing' in aspects of their life.

Some of those thoughts for me are like:
"It's because I work a retail job."
"It's because I'm already graduated from college."
"It's because I look too young."
"It's because I don't do this activity."
"It's because I don't socialize."
"It's because they don't like my smile."
"I probably said the wrong thing there."
"Maybe I just look frumpy in this uniform."
"Maybe I'm not pretty enough."
"I probably just made a fool of myself."
"It's because they said that they don't like this thing and I do that thing."

It's those inner stressors, causing my headaches more than likely.
Those tiny voices of self-doubt that occasionally get too loud and just draw your whole perspective on life down.
Wondering....what more could I do? What should I change? Why should I need to change if I'm happy where I'm at?

*exhales*

Those thoughts are annoying.
And I try to ignore them. (Not too well on occasion if the headaches are anything to go by)
As for the most part. I'm happy where I'm at.
lol. About the only thing giving me grief right now is my struggle to work on writing. lol. ;)

I dunno....
It's just one of those weeks I suppose.
Where the doubts are higher than the hopes.

Hopefully I can squash those thoughts back down soon though.
It's no fun to feel bad about one's place in life after all. :)

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Is This The Right Place?

Ever have those moments where you doubt yourself super strongly?

I just had that.

So there I was, pulling up to my place after a long evening shift at work.

And I noted that there was a car parked in front of our place that belonged to my roommate's family.

-I knew that they were going to be in the area for the day helping one of my roomies siblings move down nearby. But hadn't expected the parent to be at the house this late.

Turns out the parent was there to help repaint one of the bedrooms.

In any case, I pulled into our driveway and into the garage, and as I turned off my car, and was preparing to get out, the door to the house that leads to the garage opened up, and two college aged boys came walking out.

I had to do a double take.

Was I in my garage?

Was this my house?

Was my sister's car parked next to me?

The answer to all those were yes.

SO WHY WERE THERE RANDOM BOYS COMING OUT OF MY HOUSE?!

The most likely solution was that one or possibly two of the guys were my roommate's brother(s) or possibly friends of the family.

Though why they would be there...who knows.

The only other possibility I could think of was that somehow some of the neighbor boys had decided to stop by and say Hi....though why they'd chose to exit through the garage is unknown.

Turns out my first solution was the correct one. A brother of my roommate and his friend had come to help paint the bedroom in exchange for being given dinner. lol.

So yay for figuring out that mystery.

Still had me questioning if I'd come home to the right house or not.

But at least the boys loved my giant fish tank. XD lol.

Until you next read these words;

I'll be watching the leaves.

Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Words on Paper

I finished another journal last night.

Which isn't too surprising to me, as I usually fill up a journal in about 6 months.

But it's gotten me in the contemplative mood about how much I actually write in a day.

Because really, there are some days where I feel like a total slacker. That I haven't been writing at all.

But that's because I tend to focus on writing in the concept of "creating a story that will be turned into a book and read by hundreds or maybe thousands of people."

Which I struggle to do as guys, writing is hard.

At least when you're trying to create a story with characters and plot and scenery.

*sighs*

So much thinking is involved in that.

Not that thinking isn't involved in other writing projects. But...it's less brain power I suppose.

lol. Depending on if I have a headache that day too.

In any case.

It's not like I don't do writing on a daily basis.

Four blogs, social media, a journal, and occasionally story writing in notebooks or on the computer....

I do write a lot.

If not wherein I want to be writing lol.

Still. I am curious.

How much do I write in a day?

Is it 1k words? 10k words? Two pages? Nine?

It's hard to judge really.

But at least I'm keeping up the habit. :)

So that when I do find a groove.

I can keep going.

And going

and going. :)

Until you next see these words;

I'll be watching the leaves.

Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Bronzed Shoes

My awakening to these unique verses played an important role in my first assignment as an Area Seventy.
I was a bit nervous being the companion of an Apostle, Elder Quentin L. Cook, at a stake conference.
As I walked into the stake president's office for the initial meeting that weekend, I noticed a pair of tattered-looking, bronzed shoes on the credenza behind his desk, accompanied by a scripture ending in an exclamation point.
As I read it, I felt the Lord was aware of my study, had answered my prayers, and that He knew exactly what I needed to soothe my anxious heart.

I asked the stake president to tell me the story of the shoes.

He said:

"These are shoes of a young convert to the Church whose family situation was strained, yet he was determined to serve a successful mission and did so in Guatemala.
Upon his return I met with him to extend an honorable release and saw his shoes were worn out.
This young man had given his all to the Lord without much, if any, family support.

"He noticed I was staring at his shoes and asked me, 'President, is anything wrong?'

"I responded, 'No, Elder, everything is right! Can I have those shoes?'"

The stake president continued: "My respect and love for this returning missionary was overwhelming!
I wanted to memorialize the experience, so I had his shoes bronzed.
It is a reminder to me when I walk into this office of the effort we all must give regardless of our circumstances.
The verse was from Isaiah: 'How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!'"

-S. Gifford Nielson -Hastening the Lord's Game Plan! -October 2013 General Conference

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

The Noise War

There's been a war going on at my work.
And I would say it's a 'silent' war.
Only...the war is over music.
And music isn't silent lol.

You see, in our break room, there's a dial that controls the volume of the music being played on the speakers overhead.
And that volume dial has numbers from 0-10.
Which 10 would probably be "make your ears bleed" loud.
I dunno, I've never put it that high.

In any case.
Recently.
Like the past month or so.

I've been in a war with a mysterious person or persons.
Who seem to like the concept of the music being loud enough that you can't hear yourself think.

Of course...me being super sensitive to noise/volume.
I may just be thinking the music is louder than it actually is.

As usually I like to have the music in the breakroom hovering at like a one.
Where it's hearable, and you can hear the calls for manager or backup cashier when they come.
But it's quiet enough that you can focus on other things.

However,
Whenever I come in in the morning.
The volume has been turned up slightly louder at 2 or 3 or occasionally 4.
Which when I hear it, it makes me wince because it's too loud.

So I automatically turn it down to more 'bearable levels'

It's a recurring thing between me and my mysterious rival.
As I dunno if it's someone from the evening shift, or if it's one of the guys who shows up to work before me.

In either case.
I'm not going to let them win this war.
I'm going to keep the music low.
So I can think and relax on my break and not be antagonized by too much noise.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

A Relaxing Zone

It's one of those occurrences... that I can't stop thinking of.
Of course, this particular occurrence is the day and a half headache I suffered through.
*shakes head*
I mean, I've mentioned the headache in various different ways across my other blogs.

But still...
It's quite the mystery really.
Why do I get so many headaches?
Is it just tension based?
Is it nutritional based?
Sleep based?
Hormonal based?

Honestly at this point I think it's basically all of the above in different combinations.

Though in realty.
I'm not quite sure what caused this 36 hour headache to well....stick around.
Why was it so persistent?
I mean, I've gotten long lasting headaches before, but usually doing all my duties at work works out the headache so I can function again by the end of the day.

Not this time.
*shakes head*

I got it to fade for a little bit at work, no lie.

But...basically I'm thinking that I basically just 'thought myself sick'
aka.
I was over thinking, over analyzing, working my brain into a frenzy.
....that I couldn't just let go of.

And so sent me back to the painful nauseating headache levels.
*exhales*

Thankfully though....
It seems like placing myself in a familiar 'safe' place was what did the trick and allowed me to escape the headache's trial some reign.

And that safe place?

Wendy's. lol.

Weird I know.
But considering I've been going there a couple times a week for like three months now to write....
It's basically become a second home, where I know the environment, I know the people, I can expect the types of customers that'll make their appearances....
That or I've addicted myself to their French fries, Crispy Chicken Sandwich, and Dr. Pepper and my headache was withdrawals. ;) lol.

Still, it was nice to be able to sit down in my favorite spot at Wendy's and quietly eat my food, listen to the music, scroll through facebook and just....relax for a second. Let my tense muscles from dealing with stressful customers release. Let myself put the work day behind me, let my mind relax from it's stressful inner mutterings.

And just...soothe away my headache for me. :)

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

October 2014 General Conference -Priesthood Session

Quentin L. Cook -Choose Wisely

• Decisions determine destiny.
• When Satan is raging in the hearts of men in so many new and subtle ways, our choices and decisions should be made carefully, consistent with the goals and objectives by which we profess to live.
• It is heartbreaking when we profess belief in these goals yet neglect the everyday conduct required to achieve them.
• It is important to rise above rationalizations and make the best choices.
• You can get caught up in endless loops of triviality that waste your time and degrade your potential.
• How could it not make you feel worse to spend part of your time pretending to be happier than you are, and the other part of your time seeing how much happier others seem to be than you?
• When we rationalize wrong choices, big or small, which are inconsistent with the restored gospel, we lose the blessings and protections we need and often become ensnared in sin or simply lose our way.
• Many choices are not inherently evil, but if they absorb all of our time and keep us from the best choices, then they become insidious.
• Even worthwhile endeavors need evaluation in order to determine if they have become distractions from the best goals.
• Distractions and rationalizations that limit progress are harmful enough, but when they diminish faith in Jesus Christ and His Church, they are tragic.

Craig C. Christensen -I Know These Things of Myself

• In order for us to be strong and to withstand all the forces pulling us in the wrong direction, we must have our own testimony.
• It is essential for you to have your own testimony, for the testimonies of others will carry you only so far.
• Some people speak of a testimony as if it were a light switch--it's either on or off; you either have a testimony, or you do not. In reality, a testimony is more like a tree that passes through various stages of growth and development.
• If ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

Dean M. Davies -The Law of the Fast: A Personal Responsibility to Care for the Poor and Needy

• No member of the Church who has helped provide for those in need ever forgets or regrets the experience.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf -"Lord, Is It I?"

• This business of beams and motes seems to be closely related to our inability to see ourselves clearly. I'm not sure why we are able to diagnose and recommend remedies for other people's ills so well, while we often have difficulty seeing our own.
• None of us likes to admit when we are drifting off the right course. Often we try to avoid looking deeply into our souls and confronting our weaknesses, limitations, and fears. Consequently, when we do examine our lives, we look through the filter of biases, excuses, and stories we tell ourselves in order to justify unworthy thoughts and actions.
• Those who do not wish to learn and change probably will not.

Henry B. Eyring -The Preparatory Priesthood

• In priesthood preparation, "show me" counts more than "tell me."

Thomas S. Monson -Guided Safely Home

• Like the vital rudder of a ship, we have been provided a way to determine the direction we travel. The lighthouse of the Lord beckons to all as we sail the seas of life.
• A man without purpose is like a ship without a rudder, never likely to reach home port.
• Chart your course, set your sail, position your rudder, and proceed.
• Always remember that people are looking to you for leadership and you are influencing the lives of individuals either for good or for bad.

Until you next see these words;

I'll be watching the leaves.

Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi