In Mourning

I knew it wasn't a good sign.
When I saw the bubble air bags around Big Ben (my Oranda Goldfish)'s eyes.
That's not something that should happen in fish. (unless it's a specialized goldfish) Big Ben wasn't a specialized Gold Fish beyond being a very cool colored Oranda.
With A GoldenBrown body and his 'brain' being a bright orange, like curly red hair on a kid.

He wasn't supposed to have air bags around his eyes.

However, as I've said in previous posts....
I wasn't sure how to treat this illness.

And upon reading how difficult it is to treat this particular Pop Eye. How there could be permanent damage, or that it might never go away.
The fact that it's an internal bacteria/parasite thing that is similar to what I have going on with my arm....

My hopes weren't that high that He'd make it.
Knowing that it's possibly a kind of dropsy.
Knowing that fish usually only get it if they're not healthy.
If they're already sick.

Had me clinging onto hope.
Hope that Big Ben would be the one to pull through.
That the air bags would go away.

Yet, realistically, I knew that I would probably lose my fish.
Big Ben.
I only wish it wasn't so soon.

Y_Y
I woke up this morning to him stuck to the filter.
Along with two of my other fish -Bazil and Flaver.

My guess....is that the treatment I did last night....overwhelmed the fish, as I had noticed them up near the surface before heading to bed.
Usually a sign that there isn't enough oxygen in the water....as the feeder goldfish tend to do that when there's not enough air flow at work.
How that could be when both of my filters are working just fine...hard to say.

I'm just guessing that my fish couldn't handle the medicine in the water.
And so....decided to swim their way up to fishy heaven.

Truthfully.
I'm taking Big Ben's death rather hard.
Like loosing a family dog or cat that's been in the family for years....
I'm mourning Big Ben's death.

I spent four months watching Him not get sold at work.
Watch him spend four months swimming around a small tank.
Dreaming that if I was able to get my 125 gallon tank, if he was still around. I would put him in said tank.
And he'd have all the space in the world!
Who would have thought not even a month later, he'd be swimming around the great expanses of fishy heaven?

*exhales*
It's not like I could even properly say goodbye I suppose.
He was too big to send to a watery gravesite.
Instead, it was some quiet thoughts over the outdoor garbage can....as it's too cold to dig in the ground nor do I know if my roomies would want a dead fish buried on their property....

So yah....
It's just hard.

The fish I looked forward most to having.
Was the happiest to see when I got home from work each day.
Looking forward to watching him swim about, diving into the rocks to 'eat' them (he'd spit them back up) heading up at full speed to the surface to get a big gulp of air only to let it filter through his gills back through the surface.

The fact that I don't get to see that. That he's not here when I get home.
Yah. I'm rather devastated.

It's always a risk buying fish....you never know how long they will last.
I just wish he'd lasted a bit longer.
That somehow he'd been able to stay healthier.
As honestly, I tried basically everything I could to keep him healthy, to heal his issues.
It's depressing for it to have failed.

T_T
Bye Big Ben.
I'm really going to miss you. T_T

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi