Panicking

It's probably a bit of sleep deprivation contributing to this.
To those moments when the brain decides to just...freak out and worry over nothing, or about things that I really have no control over. 

*exhales*

So, today at work I was on break, scrolling through facebook, cus I do that occasionally on break.
And I saw a notification from my High School Reunion page.
Where they were like "Okay! 10 year reunion! Here's the location and the date!" 

And it's just....weird. 
Because it's been 10 years.
Yet it hardly feels like it's been that long. 
At all.

And I had this sudden realization....that there are people that I could potentially see at the reunion, who got married right after high school, who already have kids. Like multiple kids. And like their oldest ones could be like 9 years old already.

My brain basically spiraled from there.

Into the sudden panic of "EVERYONE IS GOING TO LOOK AT ME AND THINK I'M A FAILURE!!" 

*exhales*
Which is singularly frustrating to have to deal with.
With realizing that according to the 'ways of the world'
I haven't...'appeared' to have progressed as far in life as others of my peers. 

Like...No Kids. Not Married. Not working in a $$$$$$ sort of job. 

And I can just see it now. (cus I have a vivid imagination.) 
The looks of disappointment. The disinterest. The well...."Oh. That's nice" sort of conversations.

I mean....reunions are these places where you can basically brag about all you've accomplished. "Oh yah, here's my spouse and our three beautiful children and I just go promoted in this job and I've done these amazing things and won this contest!" etc etc.

I can see the phones being pulled out to show off the kids, the spouse (if they couldn't come) the accomplishments. 

And I'm like...."Here's a picture of my 125 Gallon Fish Tank" 
-I mean I know that there are people who are like "Here are pictures of my Dogs!!" 

But like...mine's a fish tank....
And I work in like a Retail Job.....Which people often see as a job that you get to help pay for college or earn extra money on the side. 

And then once you graduate college...you quit the retail job and end up somewhere with a ton of money, and have that fancy house and fancy car and fancy boat/trailer/4wheeler. 

It's just that downward spiral of "What have I done with my life?!?!" AHHHHHH

Ugh. I hate that vicious downward cycle.
Those dark doubts. 
That feeling of inadequacy. 

Because you know what?

When I'm not actively trying to dissect my life and wonder just how I've ended up still single 10 years....

I'm actually pretty happy.

I have a job that I love. -Which is a goal I always wanted. To have a job that I loved.
I'm writing. Which is soo rewarding. Fanfiction is that...idk blessed place where I can let my thoughts run free and share it with people and get instant feedback and I love it! 
I have this amazing 125 gallon fish tank which I coveted for 2 years before I could get, and I'm sooo happy that I accomplished that goal and have my tank because it's AMAZING. 
I've graduated College. Have no debt. I have my own car. I'm finally out of apartment housing and in an actual house with roomies that I like being around.

Like all things considered.

I'm doing really well. 

Soo why in the world am I panicking about talking to people I haven't seen in 10 years and telling them this information?

*exhales* 
Because I've already experienced some semi negative responses to the above. To working in a Pet Store. To writing fanfics. To still being single and not dating anyone currently. 

Because it's not quite the normal route.
And people don't quite know what to expect from it. 
>.< 

Idk.
I don't know why my brain decided to go down this spiral of AHHHHHHH just from seeing that post.

*exhales* 
I just need to breathe.
Stop thinking about it.

Because there are people in my graduating class who are also still single, who are still going to school, who are deep in debt, who maybe got married and are now divorced.....

Like everyone is on a different path.
So I should stop freaking out over what they'll think about my path I'm on currently.
After all. It's only the 10 year reunion. 
A lot can change between now and the 20 year reunion.
*fingers crossed* 

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi