Why Do I Try?

There are times when I wonder why I try.
Because like...it feels like it often ends up that I get the short end of the stick.

*exhales*
So. I haven't been in the best of head spaces the past couple of days.
Just...a lot of stress, expectations, uncertainties and the like have got me down.

So when I woke up today to go to church.
I nearly decided to not go. To not be around people. 
Because usually the best way to get my 'energy' back and a 'pep' back into my step...is to go be a hermit for a while and hide out in my room to recharge my batteries. 

But.
I did go to church.
Because I hadn't been in the past couple of weeks due to being on vacation.
So I figured it would be a good thing for me to go. 

It wasn't bad.
Until I sat down that is.

You see, me and the roomies usually sit in the back when we come in. Each of us has our reasons. But mostly...we like sitting in the back. lol. 

Except our new roomie.
She likes to sit closer to the front.
Which is where I like to sit on occasion. Because occasionally I like to feel like a part of the crowd.

Today. 
Me and the other two roomies were late. 
Our new roomie had gone earlier and already sat down.
Towards the front. Like she tends to do.
Sometimes we join her.
Sometimes we don't.

Today, the other two roomies beelined it for the back.
Which would have been my inclination as well.
Except I saw our new roomie sitting by herself.

So I decided to sit by her instead. 
Which ended up putting me nearby a guy.

I didn't think much of it....for like thirty seconds
As I was focused on saying hi to my roomie and you know...singing and listening to people speak and such.

But then I noticed....the dude next to me....was moving his legs. 
Like you have that nervous jumpy foot sort of movement of the legs.
But this dude. He was doing a different motion. Of spreading his legs then bringing them together before spreading them again. Repeating it over and over.

It was....a visual irritant to me. Also an auditory one as well as I could hear the movement too. 
I figured it would be fine.
That it would stop.

It didn't.
I mean, he ended up switching to twitchy leg halfway through, and then going back to the swinging of both legs.
And I ended up with only like a ten minute window of peace where there was no visible irritant bugging me.

But overall...
It was an hour of torture for me, sitting there.
*exhales*

Because the dude was just giving off a weird vibe, and I already wasn't in a good place, and visual and auditory irritants were rather sensitive to me apparently and yah....

I was tense. I was irritated.

And it wasn't like I could just lean over to a complete stranger and go "Stop moving." 
Because really...it wasn't something that should bother other people.

*exhales*
I nearly got up and left halfway through. Except he stopped right when I was planning to leave.

But yah.
It wasn't...a good day for me.
I mean...I was trying to be nice and sit by the roomie so she wouldn't be by herself...and I was rewarded by getting irritated at another person nearby.... 
*exhales* 

I ended skipping out on the rest of church because I definitely didn't want to deal with anyone else today. No bad energies. No irritating noises, movements, scents...whatever. 

I just...went home and shut myself in my room.

Which has helped immensely. 
Yay. :) 

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi