Earthquake

Back in Elementary School I was rather obsessed with Earthquake Drills. 
I thought they were the coolest thing ever. 
You know...hearing those rumbly sounds coming out of the intercom and all the kids having to duck under their desks and hold onto the legs for like the thirty seconds that the noises played.
Before resuming class as normal.

It was cool!
And I thought it was majorly important, mostly because I thought it was cool, that we should have consistent earthquake drills.

To the point where whenever I saw the principle I would ask her when we were going to have another Earthquake drill because we hadn't had one in forever.

Pretty sure I was known as the "Earthquake Girl" to her. 

Honestly...I don't really remember ever doing them after I started pestering her to do them....sooo *shrugs*

And like...we never seemed to have them in Jr. High or High School.
Like...maybe once? Maybe twice?
And I remember us doing it like...maybe once during College. And half the class didn't even participate in it. *shakes head*

In any case.
I haven't really thought about earthquake drills recently.

But I do wonder if I was so obsessed with them...because they're probably one of the harder natural disasters to plan for.
Like floods...get to high ground. Fire. Run away. Tornado/Hurricane? Shelter or run away.
And like...you can predict when most of those are going to occur. Or at least see them coming and have time to get away.

Earthquakes?
Not so much.
You could be fine one minute and then have the house shaking around you the next. 

And like...how do you escape from an earthquake?
Like it's kinda like a shelter in place and hope nothing falls down on you or that the ground doesn't vanish beneath you.

And that's terrifying.

So...yesterday.
I had family post the thought that an Earthquake might occur this morning. You know "watching the signs" and such.

Which I know how hard it is to predict an earthquake. How impossible it is.

But for the past couple of weeks I've been like...running non stop.
I helped with a wedding. I worked 7 days in a row. I've been having to deal in person with the panic over the virus.
I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically drained.
Especially from fighting against the urge to panic with everyone else.
The urge to go panicbuy and horde things.
The feel that something is 'going to go wrong and we're not prepared' that everyone is giving off.

So like...the news that an earthquake might hit.
Agh.
It hit me in I guess an emotionally vulnerable moment?
Where my paranoia was already skyrocketing and my worries increasing because people were stressing all around me over other things and just like...Stress.

So I was like OH NO AN EARTHQUAKE IS GOING TO HIT AND I'M NOT PREPARED. I'M NOT SAFE.

*exhales*
Part of it also probably extends to the fact that my bedroom is below our kitchen. And I've had thoughts more than once on what would happen if the ceiling above my head would collapse and the granite countertops and appliances crashed into my room. Like would I get crushed there while laying in bed? Would it miss me? 
(Honestly the layout to this house is so weird. So very weird) 
And like...if a strong earthquake hit...would my tiny back of my mind fears come to pass? Would we be able to survive it?!

So when I got home from work I dug out my 72 hour kit. Went through it to see what I did and didn't have and add to it things that I realized I would need if all I ended up taking was this backpack out of the house. 
And that helped a bit.
Helped me feel a bit prepared.

Though it did leave me wondering...what would I do if an earthquake hit...well in the aftermath of it?
Because when I was a kid it was always "Oh we'll drive out to colorado where my godparents are and hang out in the middle of nowhere with them until it's safe again."

But like.
Now I have a job.
I can't exactly go "CYA!" and take off in the face of a disaster.
Not unless like...the building I work in is destroyed or something.
Would I be expected to still come into work?
Would I need to go rescue my neighbors?
Would I still have to care for the animals in my store?

(Can you tell my paranoia was rising? Because oh yah. I could feel myself panicking and recognized it, but couldn't quite get myself to stop) 

It's weird.
So weird.
Like after the fire nearly destroyed my house two summers ago, I went to work like normal.

So I'd kinda think, if I was able...I would still go to work after an earthquake.

In any case.
I ended up staying up until like 230am last night because I couldn't relax enough to sleep.
I ended up sleeping on the couch upstairs. 
Just in case.
To help minimize my fears about being crushed by granite counter tops crashing down on my head. 
Had my backpack and things right by the couch so if an earthquake hit I could grab everything and book it outside.

And like.
It was totally irrational.
Because you can't predict earthquakes.
Just because someone said they thought one might happen really shouldn't have caused such a panic within me. 
Again, I blame just...the stress of the whole past two weeks.

And true to form, like I expected would happen....Nothing happened.
The day has gone on like normal (so far) 
And like...there was no reason to stress out over it all.

*exhales*
So yah.

I'm so tired.
I just need a break away from people, from stress, from worrying.
Because I need to have a bit of peace of mind somewhere. 

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi