Why The Panic?

She's in one of those funks again.
My roommate.

It happens every few months or so.

Where she basically ends up with too much on her plate.
There's too many projects she wants to do.
Wants to accomplish.

And it frustrates her that she's not able to get them all done.
Which then sends her into a spiral of self doubt/questioning, super OCD focus on said problem, and basically going into full blown "I'll never be succeed at anything!" mode.

Which usually means that she needs a good calming talk.
Where we give her insight, objectivity, clarity, and basically just sit her down and say "Breathe. It's going to work out in the end."

Usually it's not a problem.
But this time around...

It's been a struggle for me.

Because I feel like I'm not helping at all.

I'm the type to want to help solve the problem, provide solutions and make the person feel better.

But these past couple of nights.

I don't think I've managed to help as much as I want to help.
There's no 'happy calmness' that comes when I've managed to help clear the fog of doubt from her mind.
This time around...it feels like I'm only making it worse for her.
Fogging things up further.....
Possibly because I'm telling her things she's already doing and she's doubting that what she's doing is correct because if it was correct then things should be turning out differently then they're turning out.

So I offer other suggestions. As I'm searching for an answer that will help to appease the panic running through her.
Which to her...sounds like I'm agreeing with both sides when she wants to have just one side pointed out as the correct one.
While I'm just trying to show her other options and view points and ideas because the original set I had wasn't what she was wanting to hear.

In any case....
It's frustrating because I'm finding it difficult to connect to her this time around. She's not listening to the full thing I have to say before interrupts, interpreting my words as something completely different than I meant, and then have to go clarify because I hadn't finished my thoughts before she assumed I was going one direction when I wasn't at all. ...ugh.

And with her aura and energy being all...electrified.
I find it difficult to want to stick around and help out.
Because I feel like I'm just being attacked.

As when I leave the area my roommate is in...
I just feel awful about myself.
I'm down.
I'm sad.
And...I have a headache from fighting against the energy/tension that she's causing.

*exhales*
Which is frustrating because I want to help!
But I also want to be able to do my own thing.

And currently....trying to help is shutting down my own abilities to do things.

I want to write, I want to be creative.
But after trying to be a good roommate and trying to calm down the situation.

I'm just left drained.
Unmotivated.
And frustrated because there was so much I could have possibly accomplished if I had just stayed in my room and ignored the problems around me.

Which in turn would make me feel bad that I'm not helping out....and therefore distracts me from what I want to do as I'm wondering what the roomies are thinking of me because I'm not making an effort to help out and therefore...I still get nothing I wanted to get done... done.

*exhales*

Note to self....continue to find places outside of the house to write in.
Because trying to write while in the home doesn't work when the roomies are about....

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi