Give Back? Please?

It's one of those days where I feel like....I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel in being able to 'give' to others.

As like...that's how I show my love.
Giving things to people.
Whether it's my time and energy like when I dashed up North to help Kikay out on Sunday.
Or grabbing food for my roomies while I'm out getting fast food for myself.
Or you know just giving people random gifts because I saw something and thought of them....

It's something that I do.
Because I like seeing others be happy.

But after a while....it gets harder to want to do so.
When it isn't really reciprocated.
Because I don't often have things given to me by people. Like gift giving doesn't have to mean monetary things. You could see a pretty rock on the ground and give it to me and I would think it was so cool!! But everyone thinks it has to involve money....and basically everyone around me is worried about their funds. 

Soooo I'm feeling....that drag currently....

Where I want to show my love and give things....

But at the same time I'm reluctant to do so. Because I know I won't be getting a 'gift' back in return.

Which isn't good when I'm going to be making Thanksgiving Dinner this year for Daddoo and myself. 

I think....there might just be a bit of resentment there.

Especially when I called today to see what type of specific pie Daddoo liked -as Walmart sells mini one serving pies- and I know he likes pie even though I don't. 
And upon asking if there was anything else I should grab to ensure that we had everything needed for Thanksgiving.
He was like "you have any whipped cream?" 
You know...to put on the pie.
Which no I don't because I don't like pie or whipped cream.

But I went and grabbed some anyways for Daddoo so he could have some. 

Like he could have been like "Oh well I have some I can bring!" but when I was like "I don't know where to get that." (since I never buy it) he was like "Oh it's over in this section." instead. 

*exhales*

I suppose...I'm just viewing things in the negative right now.

And I'm sure that many many people feel this way after Thanksgiving where they spend hours slaving in the kitchen to make a meal....to get barely an recognition in return for their hard work. To have to clean up the kitchen by themselves after everyone else has left.

But it's just like a bitter feeling.

Knowing that I'm putting in so much effort, giving so much to try and make Thanksgiving Dinner easy for Daddoo as I know he doesn't want to have to cook as he's been reluctant to do so ever since Mother Dearest passed, and we could have gone the 'easy' route and gone out to eat or something.

-Which wouldn't surprise me if we end up doing that anyways because I've never cooked a turkey before and I can only imagine it going really really wrong. Soooo---

But like Thanksgiving is about having family time and being able to eat leftovers for days and days and days afterwards. 

You can't really do that if you go out to eat.
Especially if it's a place like Chuck-a-rama that costs like $20 per person for an all you can eat buffet...that won't let you take anything home...and like that's rather pricey for someone who rarely finishes one plate let alone multiple plates.

In any case.
I feel like I'm going to make all this effort.
Give all this time.
All this energy.
all this attention.

To show my Love to Daddoo and how much I care.

And I worry -i'm pretty certain- I won't....get the love reciprocated in return.

like. No worries, I know Daddoo loves me and such.
But he doesn't express that love in my love language. He doesn't reciprocate through gift giving. 

So I'm expecting us to meet together.
Eat dinner.
Maybe chat a bit.

But I'm probably going to be cleaning up the kitchen/meal afterwards by myself.
While he either hangs out, or heads back home to try and avoid being out in the snow that's supposed to be coming that day.

*exhales*

Still....
Despite knowing that this probably will drain my energy reserves.....
I hope that having dinner together makes him happy.

Guess we'll see. 

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi