Terminal

It was one of those scenarios where you have to wonder if you're...well dreaming. 

So.
There i was.
Driving up to Hometown.
And I was like..fifteen minutes away when my phone starts ringing.

I look down to check and see that it's my friend from work -the Bird Guy as I refer to him because the dude has a ton of birds.

I figured he was calling to check in and chat.
As he's been doing that off and on recently.

And normally I would pick up.
But at the moment i was driving.
And since it's been snowing all day....even though the roads in the area I was currently in were clear, I didn't want to risk getting distracted on the phone. Especially when the drivers of my state can...well lose their minds when it comes to driving on snowy days. So I wanted to be careful and keep my attention on the road.

So I let the phone ring until it went to voicemail.

But immediately he called back.
Again I let the phone ring.

Now I was thinking it might be an accidental dial or something. 
Because that had happened before where he called twice in a row and when I picked up I just got the ambient noise of someone who wasn't actively on the phone. 

I figured I would call him back once I got to Daddoo's place. And explain that I had been driving and that due to the snow and such I didn't want to be a distracted driver. 

But like five minutes later.
He calls a third time.
And leaves a voice message. (One I still haven't listened to.) 

Okay...something is going on, though I am hoping at this point that it's still accidental calling.

But my mind's going to the bad possibilities.
He's in trouble and needs me to come get him -which hasn't happened before so it seemed unlikely.
Or like maybe he was at my work and wanted to see if I was there--or wanted to know when I would be there so he could drop by and visit.

I was trying to think more positive.
But as the phone rang a fourth time right after the voicemail.

I couldn't help but wonder what was going on.
And, truthfully, I was getting a little irritated.
Because like...I didn't want to pick up while I was driving. If he would wait just another ten minutes I would be at Daddoos and could hear the voice message and call him back.

The phone rang a fifth time.
Just as I was pulling up to the house.
So I put the car in park and shut off my radio so I could hear him.

And basically from the get go....he tells me that he's not 'doing so good' that there's 'something wrong.' 
Which...I know he's been dealing with pain, and hasn't been active over the winter as he's had problems leaving the house.
But I'd equated that to taking care of his birds and to like...not wanting to deal with all the crazy people driving around.
Like he's mentioned he's had pain for a bit now so that wasn't a new comment....

But now. 
Now he's calling me and telling me it's "terminal" 

But what 'it' is....I don't know.
I tried to get it out of him and he wouldn't tell me.
Only saying he's seen doctors and that 'it's a part of life' and that "there's nothing that can be done."

And I'm just sitting here in my car...exhausted from a work day, tense from driving in the snow...trying to process...that he's called to tell me he's dying.

Which is such a 'is this a dream?' moment.
Because when he last dropped by the store last month...he seemed alright.
I mean he didn't look sick. 

But it just...brought back the memories of Mom.
How she was complaining about pain in her chest and having trouble breathing.
But otherwise she seemed fine.
Only to have her pass away the day after we get back from our weekend vacation. 

And it increased my already stressed self, because like...Daddoo is gone currently on a vacation out of the country.

And I'd literally been thinking earlier today, that if needed I could call the bird guy for support if there were problems.
As I was also taking my car to the mechanic to get it checked out after what Jiffy Lube had said, and was planning for the worst case scenario that they'd say I'd need a new car and that if I needed a new car daddoo wouldn't be there to help me out with buying one and the only other guy I knew was the bird guy so I could call him to help me out if needed----

And here he is.
Calling me.
Telling me he's dying.

From the way he was speaking on the phone it was sounding like he was convinced it would happen today, soon.
But idk...terminal is a hard word to wrap your mind around. 
Especially since you don't know how bad it is. Or what the issue is.

But like...it rocked me.
Hardcore.

To be listening to this man who's probably around Daddoo's age if not slightly younger....telling me that he's dying.

And he was basically calling me to tell me that he told his mother about me and gave her my number, so that when he does pass....I would be able to come take care of his birds until they would be able to get rehomed. Because that was his main concern. That someone would be looking after his birds as they've been his babies for a long time now and he wants them to go to good places.
And that I needed to keep the 'pairs together.' -aka keep the birds that are in the same cage together--

Which I can do....Or at least try to do....because I've never been to his home, nor seen most of his birds.
I mean I have seen a couple when he's brought them by work.
But I don't know what all is required for the birds....so i'm hoping it's just make sure the cage is clean and that they have food and water sort of scenario.

*exhales*
Part of me is just....hoping that this phone call was from like..idk how to word it...but like a medication haze? Like maybe he was on one too many pain pills and he over reacted and that he's actually fine.....

As he did say "I'm preparing for the worst outcome."
So it makes sense he'd want to make sure things were in order and such. Just in case.

But at the same time.....
It's hard to know.

I really hope it's not 'terminal' whatever it is and that the 'something's wrong, something's not right" comments aren't as serious as he was making them out to be.

Hard to know when terminal is used.
When he says that he's seen doctors.

*exhales*

But yah. I'm just left...reeling.
Because here's like a friend who I've seen as a pillar I could lean on....telling me that he's not going to be around.

It's hard.
So hard.

And I just...don't know how to process it.
I don't know what I can do...
Like....
What can you do? 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi