Can I Go Hermit in the Woods?

I suppose I should have seen the build up to the breaking point.
You know, crying behind the fish wall at work halfway through my shift because it all became 'too much.'

Not that work itself was a problem. No, today was fine all things considered. Customers weren't too crazy. It wasn't too busy. I was able to find tasks to do to fill the entire shift. Work itself is fine.

But at the same time it's not fine.

It's just one of those 'it's all hopeless why even try" sort of apathetic build up moments.

Like.
Because I'm tired. Emotionally, Mentally, Physically, I'm exhausted.

And have been for a while.
It's what happens when you're an essential worker on a skeleton crew in the middle of a pandemic and each month of 2020 brings another mental/emotional/physical problem to add to the previous months problems.

*exhales*
Honestly it was triggered yesterday because:
a) I'm working evening shifts for the forseeable future because we don't have enough staff to have full coverage throughout the day and we're trying to keep the evening people happy by working to keep the ability to buy animals available to them later in the evening. 
b) Our District Manager came in and upon being asked on when we can hire people said that we won't have the ability to hire until the third quarter. Which is AUGUST.
I have six more weeks at least of a skeleton crew. 
SIX MORE WEEKS.
A MONTH AND A HALF
after being on a skeleton crew since MARCH.
What sort of corporation takes their entire working crew and puts them on a skeleton staff DURING THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC where we NEED people to be available to help customers because we're ESSENTIAL and people in my state act like life is normal and are coming in in hordes.
Like we're fine making plan. WE're making money. GIVE US OUR WORKERS. GAH.
Who keeps their people on a skeleton crew for like SIX FREAKING MONTHS?

My job apparently. XP And it's just depressing. To know that there's no end in sight. To know that it's gonna just be the ten of us trying to keep the store afloat until some neublous point in August because corporate decided a whole 'infrastructure revamp' was needed in the middle of a WORLD WIDE CRISIS. 

Can you tell I'm frustrated?
Cus I am.
So frustrated. I'm tired of being essential. Tired of being on a skeleton crew. Tired of working evening shifts because I do not have the social battery to work 40 hours straight customer service without it coming back negatively to hurt me emotionally, physically, and mentally. 

So yah that was the tipping point yesterday.
Just. Being so dumb with the bs that corporate is putting their workers through. "Care about the people?" Ha. "Care about the customers" Ha. How about CARE ABOUT YOUR FREAKING BACKBONE OF YOUR COMPANY!?

*growls* 
Gah.
Just.
GAH.

It doesn't help either that my state is experiencing a spike in cases.
Where we're constantly getting cases in the 300-400 range now on a daily basis instead of in the 100 range of the first few months.
And the governor is putting parts of our state in GREEN tomorrow. Like. With how cases are spiking the entire state should be back in red because we're worse off than we've ever been.
But noooo the economy is worth more than people's lives apparently. XP 

And with each passing day I see more and more people foregoing their masks. Which like...cases are spiking. No one should be without a mask at this point. But noooooo. That's not the case.

Add into that that my phone decided it wanted to die sooner and has been dying more quickly recently which stresses me out because it stressful to the traumatic sense that I can't rely on my phone to stay charged the entire day anymore.
Add into that that Daddoo decided seeing me needing a new phone was a good time to badger me about how I was going to pay for said phone whenever I decide to get one (as i'm on his phone plan and he pays the bill) (I would buy the thing myself and pay him back duh.) 
Just had me fuming at him in general and have me missing Mother Dearest even more because while Daddoo is focused on money and saving and not spending a dime, mother dearest would have been like "Oh you need help with that? Let me cover half of the cost." Because she gave like that and was supportive like that and I really just need support and love and the ability to relax.
Instead of seeing that my Daddoo has text and have me internally bracing myself to see what he wants now. What physical object he's misplaced in his house that he thinks we took even though us kids have barely been in the house and whatever he's lost is probably in a box HE packed away and HE put somewhere. Or where he's just wanting something from us.

I would just like to be able to look at my phone and not cringe upon seeing I've got a text. *exhales*

Add into that that because of having to work evening shifts I get really tired and therefore haven't had the mental stamina to work on any of my writing projects  and the fact that I haven't been able to finish any writing projects in two weeks.

Yah.
It's no surprise that it's all come to a head today and I just wanted to go hermit in the woods and forget other people exist and just have some much needed me time to recharge. XP 

*exhales*
I'm just frustrated.
Tired.
and upset. 
So upset.
For all the reasons listed above.

I just can't.

But unfortunately I have to 'can' for a while longer.  Two more weekends and I can get a break from work at least. A little mini vacation away from those stressors. 

But who knows when I'll be able to actually 'get away' and chillax for real.

*exhales*
I'm just so sick of it all.

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi