Significant

So for the past...well 2 years...since Mother Dearest passed away, Daddoo has been focused on 'organizing' the house.

Which basically involves him getting rid of everything that he doesn't want or won't use or isn't his. 

And results in basically every gathering we have at his house involving having to go through said things he no longer wants to see if us kids want any of the stuff he's looking to get out of the house. 

*exhales* 

It gets rather exhausting after a while. After two years of having to deal with it. It's mentally and emotionally just...tiring to have to constantly go through things and decide if we want them or if they should be taken to the DI to find a home elsewhere. 

And like...I get it. I get that Daddoo wants to declutter his life and 'organize' the house so it's closer to his aesthetic. 

But it also....makes the house feel less and less like home every time I come over. Because a lot of the stuff that makes home feel like home was stuff that Mother Dearest would have around. But I can see how it can be rather...painful for Daddoo to have constant reminders of her around...and I can see him seeking to get rid of those painful memories by getting rid of the reminders. 

But he's also set on having 'storage' stuff basically cease to exist.

So it's like if it's not his and he's not planning to use it in the next six months. It's gone. 

Which makes it difficult when I still have a bunch of my stuff at his house because I'm currently the only sibling that doesn't own their own home. And my current place has limited storage place, especially because I am sharing with roommates currently. 

So it's stressful to know that every time I go to Dad's house he'll want me to try and take something home because he no longer wants it there, but like...I don't exactly have the space here to store it. 

And like I would just like to come home one day and have the house 'be in order' and organized so it feels more like a home again instead of just a place. I would love to come home and be able to relax and feel comfortable and not feel on....like edge. Because in Dad's quest to make the home "his style of home" has made it rather...unwelcoming to visitors in a sense.

*exhales*

In any case....Daddoo also doesn't seem to have a good sense of timing either with getting rid of all this stuff.

Because he's solely focused on 'getting it out of the house' and not really on the 'emotional significance' of the items he's getting rid of.

Like on Thanksgiving. Daddoo had a bunch of Christmas ornaments and blankets he wanted us to go through and see if we wanted anything.

Among those blankets were two quilts that belonged to my Mother Dearest. These quilts, Daddoo tells me and Kikay are quilts that Mother Dearest wanted us to receive on our wedding days.

Keyword there. WEDDING DAY.

Not on Thanksgiving. 

These two quilts were of significance to her because one was one that her Dad bought her when she was young from a fair because she really wanted it. 
The other was a quilt that was made for her and daddoo's wedding day.

So really....knowing that these quilts were supposed to be given to us on our wedding days....

It lessens the significance of getting them now.

Like getting a special quit of your mother's on a wedding day would be seen as a more meaningful thing because it would be like 'the passing of the torch' the "I got this for my wedding now I give it to you for your wedding." sort of significance.

But Kikay got married right before the pandemic started. (Daddoo had no idea where the quilts were at that point) 

And I....ha....I am the furthest thing from getting married since I haven't even gone on a date this year let alone have a boyfriend. I'm as single as they come currently.

So this significant moment. Of receiving my mother's quilt. Of having this piece of history handed to me...

Has been taken away.

Dulled.

All because Daddoo didn't want to store something that 'wasn't his' for an unknown period of time.

And it has left me mostly with the feeling of "Great. Another thing I can't use in my current home/living situation and now have to try and find space for it in a home that has limited storage space."

Like where am I supposed to keep this? This significant quilt that I shouldn't have received until I got married?

Where can I keep it safe?

Is it gonna just stay in the garbage bag I shoved it in so I could safely get it home from Dad's place?

It's just...*exhales*

I'm so tired.

So tired of this. 

I get that Daddoo is seeking to make the house his. But it's causing such an emotional, mental, and physical drain on me and possibly my siblings as well.

Eventually I hope he'll snap out of his "me me me" stage of "my needs and my wants and my things." and consider how this is effecting his children. 

So yah....kinda a bittersweet moment. And I'm still struggling to deal with the feelings that this latest visit has elicited about the entire thing. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi