Responsibility

I'm too responsible for my own good.

I've said that before.
I'll say it again many more times.

But I'm too stubbornly responsible for my own good.

Especially when it comes to work.

When it comes to me working when I'm not feeling good.

You see, this past week at work, there's been a bug that's been going around.
Some 24 hour thing where my coworkers have called off work.
Just for the day, and then they're fine the next day.

But it's got me, once more thinking about working while ill.

Because there have been days where I've felt horrible. 
-Namely days where I have headaches that last through work.
But other days where I've suffered with head colds and such. 

Yet....so far I've never called in sick to work.
Like ever. 
Which nearly 5 years into being at the same job....is rather impressive I'd say.
And it's not like I don't get sick.
I catch colds and bugs and of course get those major disabling headaches that leave me curled up in bed whimpering.

And yet. 
I still get up.
I still go to work.
And I suffer through it.

There's only been a handful of times when I've left work early due to being sick.
And that was because I literally couldn't stand up straight without feeling like I was going to faint. 

Left early.
I really should have stayed home those days I think.
But I didn't.
I came to work, figured I couldn't stay the whole time, and got what I needed to done before I left.

And that's where responsibility comes in.

I've probably been sick enough at one point or another, where I should have just stayed home in bed.
But I didn't.

Why?
Because I'm too responsible lol.
I don't like leaving my coworkers in a lurch. I don't like having them need to scramble to find someone to do my job. But also, because I tend to be the 'main' person in the dept, I'm the one who knows how to do everything. 
So if I don't show up to work....nothing is going to get done I feel like. Or if it does get done it doesn't get done well. 

Honestly. I know that the dept can function well enough without me.
I do take vacations after all. lol. So I know that the place won't burn down if I miss a shift.

And yet I don't call out.
*shakes head*

It's just....I'm weird. 
That's what I've decided lol.
I love my job too much to call out a day I've been scheduled.
But I'm just weird in that I'm willing to work through the pain.

I mean, I did the same thing while I was in school too.
I would suffer through the pain instead of missing a day. 
*shakes head*

And I really wonder if it's detrimental to me to do that....
Like why make myself suffer....if I can go home and lie down sooner? 

I honestly don't know.
It's responsibility, it's caring, it's...just plain stubbornness that I won't let illness get in the way of responsibility. Whether it's attending class or making it to my work shift....

I go. No matter how I feel....

And I'm sure that's going to hurt me in the future at some point.
There's a reason why the body doesn't feel good and that's when you've pushed yourself beyond where you should have pushed yourself.
So why do I keep pushing?
Because....I'm too responsible for my own good. *shakes head*

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi