She Seems Nice

So at work, we've been in the middle of a bit of an 'interview spree.' 
Where the managers have been interviewing people as potential new hires.
For which positions? No idea...I haven't gotten around to asking yet. Though I wonder if it's because we're approaching the holiday season, as we haven't really had anyone quit recently.... 

In any case, I happened to be in the office where the managers had all gathered, because I was looking for a missing set of department keys. (which I found.) When the managers got a phone call, from a potential hire. 
From the sounds of it, this person already works for a different Starsmet store and is looking to transfer to ours. 

And when my Head Manager hung up the phone, and told us it was a potential transfer, he added in "She seems nice." 

To which My Manager, (over my department) stated. "So does Sarnic." 

And the Head Manager was like: O.o "Is Sarnic not always nice?" 

To which I kinda jumped in and was like. "Well...I do have a dark side, it just doesn't come out often, I don't think you've seen it." 

But the Head Manager was like "Oh no, I've seen it once, and I don't want to see that side again, hence why I've avoided bringing it out since then." 

Heh... ^^;;; 
I'd thought he'd forgotten about that particular incident....

As he has seen my "Dark Side" once. 

And the fact that he still remembers it like nearly 3 years later....has to say something about how...poignant that experience was to him. 
Plus the fact that he doesn't want to 'trigger it' again also speaks loads about it.

Honestly, the fact that that particular incident where my 'dark side' came out is so memorable is that...well...I don't get upset. I don't get angry. 
I'm a very easy going person, happy, positive, all those 'light' descriptive words lol. 

I think I even posted about this incident....hard to say for sure. It's been a while.

In any case. 

The low down was this: 

It was a Wednesday Morning. 
We were preparing for our District Manager to come visit. (Much more of a big deal than it's been recently because the DM used to not come in as often. It was like 4 times a year instead of every other week.)  -Honestly it could have been somebody above the DM level coming as well...I don't know. I just know it was 'someone important.'
Which meant that the managers were stressing about how the store looked. Both inside and out. And were making sure the front of the store was clean, that product was on the shelves, that the floors were swept and mopped, etc etc. 

And then there was me. 
I was in my department that morning.
Trying to get it opened and presentable for the DM as well. 
Only...I was struggling.

Because that morning my manager had been scheduled to open with me and be my second opener. 
-Which this my...third Petcare Manager? And one that...hardly ever was in the department, because it was just after the Petcare Manager title had changed to be more Customer Service oriented. (Petcare duties are like a tacked on after thought in that.) And this manager was focused on making the front of the store look presentable. Aka the outside and such. 
And...this particular manager was fond of...telling people what to do but not helping people to do it. 

Which meant that if the manager was scheduled to open with me...I was basically opening the department by myself that day.

And that was exactly what was happening. 
The Petcare manager had vanished to go focus on other issues that they deemed more important than getting our department in order. 
Leaving me to work alone. 

And I was feeling the pressure.
I needed help.
Because there was no way I could get this all done on my own. 
-I could, but I think there had been other multiple drawbacks in opening that day that had put me a bit more behind than normal. 

I remember feeling stressed out, worried, wanting my manager to come participate in opening duties so we could get the department open....
Only I couldn't find them.

Feeling frustrated, I went to the Head Manager to ask Him if he had seen the Petcare Manager as she was supposed to be helping me open. 

Only....when I tried to bring up my concerns...the Head Manager just brushed me off.
I don't remember what words were said, but the general impression was "go do your job and stop bugging me." 
When I was trying to tell him . "I can't do my job because I NEED HELP."

I was already stressed out. Frustrated. And now very irritated that he'd basically ignored me.
So my Anger snapped.

My face went blank as I tried to hide my emotions. I turned away. Grabbed the cart that I'd had with me (as I think I'd been opening back rooms before that point.) And Shoved it. Hard. Sending it Zooming across the floor (from nearly the middle of the store to the front of the store) Where it hit one of our Tank Stands that was on display there. (there was no damage done, by the time it reached the front it was like a gentle tap when it hit) 
And I stalked away after the cart to take it behind the fish wall so I could work on bedding changes for the Small Pets. (Hence how I knew it was a Wednesday, because the Small Pet bedding changes used to be done Wednesdays) 
I remember the Head Manager calling my name.
I ignored him. 
I think he called it twice, maybe three times.
I didn't respond.
Because I was upset. Furious. That I wasn't being listened to, so I wasn't going to listen to him.

I stalked into the back behind the fish wall, and began pulling the bedding I needed off the shelf, and forcefully dropping it on the floor -blowing off steam.

And the Head Manager came into the back room. 
-Fuming himself because I'd ignored him after he'd called my name.

And probably said something along the lines of "You can't just walk away/ ignore me when I call your name." But what I distinctly remember is that he told me to go home. "You're not emotionally capable of working right now, and we don't need that. Go home." 

Which while I was furious...at least I was still thinking more clearly than he was.
Because if I went home....who would be opening the department? My Petcare manager? Who wasn't helping in the first place? No one was scheduled to come into my department that day until after lunch time, long after the DM would have come and gone....and what would that have shown? My department, unopened, and unpresentable. 
And that. I would not have. 

So I refused.

Yah. I flat out refused to be sent home.
Go figure. lol. 
I was like "I'm fine. I'm staying here. I don't need to go home." and continued pulling out supplies needed to get the Small Pet bedding change done. Because I may be upset, but getting the department opened was a higher priority than me wanting to get away from the situation. -because yes, I wanted to not be in the store at that moment. I wanted to leave. But responsible me was much more stubborn. 

Pretty sure I raised my voice back to the Head Manager when I was telling him that I wasn't leaving. 

Which...I never raise my voice, so the fact that I was raising my voice....yah I was pretty upset. 

In any case, Head Manager ended up storming away to eventually end up at the office.
While I continued to fume (and cry from frustration) in the back, gathering everything together etc. 

My mind definitely wasn't in a good spot at that point. I'm pretty sure I considered quitting then and there. (obviously I didn't.) But I was also trying to plot out a way to avoid the Head Manager for the foreseeable future and never talk to him again while still continuing to work at Starsmet. 

I'd barely started cleaning the cages, maybe done one and a half...when I decided.
That I really just needed to grow up. 
We were both in the wrong here in this situation.
And really the only way to diffuse the tension was to go apologize.
After all, I hadn't listened to the Head Manager when he'd called my name, and I had refused to go home, and I had shoved a cart across the store....

So. I went to the office -where the Stocking Manager (who'd been the Petcare manager before moving up to his current position -he recently rebecame the Petcare manager again.) and the Head Manager were chatting. 

And basically...when I get all emotional...my eyes water, my voice gets choked up and yah...it's not a pretty sight I'm sure. lol. 

But in my tear choked voice I apologized. 
And the Head Manager apologized. 

And we understood that both of us were under a bit of stress. 
And this time, the Head Manager asked me what was the issue I was having, so I told him. That I needed help opening because the Petcare manager was supposed to be helping me and wasn't.

Which lucky us, one of my Petcare coworkers happened to be in the store to help with stocking tasks that morning. So the Head Manager, sent her over to help me get the department opened for a couple of hours.

And basically we ended everything on a good note. :) yay.

Lol and since that point, we've done pretty well. Have had a couple other tiffs, mostly in policy changes that I didn't like (think are stupid) and such, but nothing that's been as major as me shoving carts across the store and yelling back at the Head Manager. ^^;;

Huh....I wonder if that's why my Petcare manager said "So does Sarnic," when Head Manager commented. "New Hire seems nice." 
Because he was there that day...so I wonder if he too remembers the incident, or heard of it, and so knows that I'm not always...sugar and rainbows. I can be pushed too far.

In any case.

Apparently that incident has stuck in the Head Manager's head, and he's been careful since then to not 'push me' to that point again. 
Good to know.

Though I do wonder what his side of the story is....like what does he remember of that incident? What in that whole situation stuck in his mind so firmly so that he stated today that "I saw it once, never want to see it again." 

*thinking face* *shrugs* I'll probably never know...because even though I desperately want to ask...it's probably best to let that particular memory remain a memory. 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi