Not Playing

It's interesting.
Just how much my family has gotten into various versions of DnD games.

Like. Part of me can get the draw of it.
Creating a character, giving them strengths and weaknesses, then setting them loose in a world to go on an adventure. 

It's practically everything I would strive for.
After all, I'm a writer. I love creating stories and characters and plots. 

There's just one....drawback that has me reluctant to join in.

And that's the role playing part of it.

I love writing characters.
I don't like being them.

I prefer to keep myself removed, not personally involved.
And role playing...is a bit more personally involved than I want to be.
Especially when I can't control the plot.
As the DM controls it. The rolls of the dice control it.

Like I can see excitement there. Not knowing if the dice will roll in your favor or not. 

But then there's the group participation too.

I've grown to dislike....collaborations.
Preferring to work on my own. 

So yah. 
DnD?
It's great that the rest of my family enjoys it. That they like the interaction the team work, the unexpected surprises. 

It's just not for me.

And I've stated that multiple times.
Yet, my family still keeps asking me if I want to join. If I could participate.
And like...I don't want to. 
I really don't want to.
It's not something I would have fun with.
And more than likely would stress me out.

And the family is like "You don't have to play but you can come and listen and give your opinions."

…...
But.
I.
Don't.
Want.
To. 

I would rather focus on my own writing, my own stories. 
And I can't do that if I'm expected to listen and pay attention to the plot that's happening and give my opinion I just....

*exhales*
I don't want to.

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi