Changes

It seems to be a week where my mental health is just...
Spiraling.

And it's been difficult to find ways to relax.
I mean I've had a migraine/headache almost every day this week.
And like...that's out of the ordinary considering I've mostly managed to get a handle on what triggers most of my migraines and take measures to negate them.

But when unexpected changes happen...
It's hard to not have myself stress out over it.

Especially when I don't....understand how I got the change to happen?

Like. I've gotten quite used to being a wallflower.
To not being noticed.

So to have someone pay attention to me, compliment me, want to hang out with me?

It's stressing me out.

Because people don't 'do' that with me.

I'm usually ignored.
Others are paid more attention to than me.

So it's stressful to have the sudden spotlight.
And my mind is spiraling.

Wondering what could 'go wrong'

Because this doesn't just 'happen'

And I want something good to come out of it.
To enjoy the moment.

But with a spiraling mind...spirals usually head downwards.

And with other aspects of my life being emotionally and mentally stressful to me already.
Adding this unexpected company to the mix....

Is either really good timing.
Or another trial that I have to muddle through.
And I honestly don't know if I have the strength to deal with it if it's another trial.

Because what's the point of hitting me when I'm already emotionally low?
Which is why it's stressful.
Because on the surface it seems like a thing to help boost my mental and emotional levels.

Yet...
I'm worried.
I'm stressed.

It's an unexpected change.
And I don't know how to handle those that well yet.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi