Inner Turmoil Outside Causes

It's hard being in emotional turmoil.
Like...just...idk. 
Having other people stress you out to the point where it just drains you?

As I try to do my best to have things be rather mellow.
Keep it low key. Calm. 
Because being in too stressful of an environment for too long can well...stress me out as well and cause me migraines and basically have me out for the count.

So it's hard.
When people come into your life that used to be kinda your 'eye of the storm'
The sort of people that help to calm things down, make you feel better.
It's hard when those soothing sources...end up no longer being soothing.
Where you tense up whenever you see them. Get a text or a call from them. 
Those moments when you can feel your shoulders tensing up.
Feel the butterflies twisting in your stomach.

Because you remember how it used to be.
But it's not that way anymore.
And it's hard to judge what to expect.
How to react.
If they're going to be on the better side this time or if you're going to be left feeling awkward and just well...have your whole day end up off kilter because of it.

And it's difficult.
Especially when I'm a 'helping' sort of person.
Where I want to help.
I want to soothe.
I want to make things right.

But I have to hold back.
Recognize that our interactions aren't in either of our best interests. 

*exhales*
It's just....not the sort of inner turmoil that I want to deal with currently. 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi