A New Stress Added

You ever have those moments when it's like "Subtract one worry, add in three more?" 

Yah. 
Experiencing that. 
Which, if I'm trying to avoid having headaches all the time....is not something that I should be doing.
I shouldn't be worrying about so many things.
Especially when a lot of them aren't in my control in the first place.
Yet here I am doing exactly that. 

*shakes head*

So my worry of the week that I finally managed to cross out was basically "Survive the week." 
Because I was/am suffering from headaches, which may be mostly caused by the knowledge of how stressful it is to open my department at work by myself for like the entire week. 
Which, I probably will need to do again this week since a) classes are starting again for the colleges in the area and b) we still haven't HIRED anyone to replace the TWO people in my department I lost last month. And since those two people were both my openers and school starting means that people have classes in the morning....yah kinda expecting to be doing the 'open by myself' thing for a while. 
*shakes head*

In any case.
Managed to subtract that one stress in that I finished the week.
Added in another of "I just want to sleep in one of these days." (early morning workshifts get to me on occasion.) 

But these are the rather common stresses of the day.
the worry of work.
the worry of writing
the worry of blogging
etc etc.
Common stresses.
Things I can deal with and work at to become better at not stressing so much about them.

However, 
In the past day or two I've been notified of a new stress.

One that I can't really control beyond trying to not think about it.
And that stress?
Is my High School reunion.

It's been ten years, so therefore it's time for a 10 year reunion. 
Which, I actually do kinda look forward to.
I want to see people. Catch up. Connect. etc. Find out what's been going on, who's gotten married, had kids, who's working in which field, etc etc.

And I'm hoping that the 10 year reunion is a bit bigger than...well our 5 year one was. Where like only 20 people showed up. 

So yah. It's kinda exciting just to see what's changed, what's stayed the same.

Only.
I'm worrying about myself. 
What my high school classmates are going to think of me. 

I mean five years ago, I'd barely graduated from college, I was still pretty new to working at Starsmet. 
and it was semi awkward back then at that 5 year reunion.
When I was basically the only single person there. 
When everyone who'd shown up had shown up with a spouse. 
*exhales*

And now. Five years later. For the 10 year reunion....
It's like....I'm still single, not dating anyone, not in a serious relationship. Still working at Starsmet. 
Like...so many things have happened since the 5 year reunion
but in many other ways things have stayed pretty much the same.

and I guess I'm worrying about being judged.
Like. I look at a lot of the Facebook friends I have and most of the highschool ones are married with kids, living out their dream careers and....
It gets a bit off putting.
Stressful.
Wondering if I should be doing more.
If somewhere down the road I'd missed my chance.
Wondering what everyone is going to think of me when they hear I graduated college but I'm still working at a Retail store. At Starsmet. That I'm still single. That I'm this and that and the other. 

*exhales*
Yah. It's stressful.
Because I'm aware of other's potential opinions.
and while I love my job, love that I get to spend time writing fanfictions, bought 125 gallon fish tank, have gone on many vacations with my family....
It all somehow seems inadequate. 
*shakes head*

Really. I'm going to just square my shoulders, put a smile on my face, and go to this reunion. 
But I'm pretty sure once it's all said and done I'm going to be a shaking trembling mess once I get home. Will probably suffer from a major headache and such. 

So...it's that stress. For an event that's not going to happen for six more months....that has me a bit down.

Though maybe....just maybe....this 10 year reunion will have some positive outcomes to it. A chance to reconnect, To expand out friendships. Gain relationships....

*fingers crossed* Hopefully something good will come of going. Hopefully.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi