Going Back

Okay, so yesterday was a bad day. 
Which, I'm not quite surprised about.
Because yesterday had been hanging over my head for like a week. 

Why?
Because we've gotten into a situation at work...where we're extremely short handed in my department.
Okay "extreme" may be an over exaggeration.
But like...we're short handed. 

We had a couple people in my department quit last month, and for whatever reason...replacing them has been slow going....as in it hasn't happened yet. Though the managers had like a month to find at least one person to hire. 
-One person gave their two weeks notice, then at the end of their two weeks another person gave their two weeks notice which means a full month of notice that we needed to hire people.

I mean, we still could have functioned well enough....
Only it was my two main morning people that quit....and with the start of school once more....the remaining people can't really work mornings because they're at school.
Leaving me rather short-handed in the mornings.

To the point where yesterday. Thursday...there's basically no one besides me who's able to work the mornings. Everyone else is unavailable until 5pm.

That doesn't mean i was totally alone. I do have a coworker available, they're just not actively in my department...and can only stay until like 2pmish soooo 
That leaves a bit of a gap in the afternoon.

Which the solution would be just to bring me in a little later and have this other coworker work the mornings...
Only we need two people in the mornings...and we don't have morning people, because the other coworker has other duties they have to fulfill first before they can come over into my dept. 

So the solution to this problem...
Was to just have me work a longer shift. 
Instead of eight hours I would be scheduled to work 10 hours. 

Which...while I can do, and have done shifts that long before (due to coworkers calling out) 
It's not something I actively seek, because 10 hours is a long time to be at work, especially if I'm dealing with customer service for 75% of that. 
I'm exhausted by the time I get home. Braindead.

But like...there was no one else available. 
And I had enough notice in advance to mentally prepare myself for this longer shift.

Only my head had other plans. *exhales* 
I guess I've been under too much stress this week for a variety of reasons.
And it came to a head Wednesday night...where I ended up with a nuclear headache.

And like I do with most nuclear headaches....I end up going into work anyway the next morning.
Because most of the time (it used to be every time but not so much now) if I go to work on a headache, the act of opening and cleaning in my department helps to lessen the tension in my muscles.
As most of my headaches are tension caused. 
So even if I feel horrible....I still go to work because I hope that the work will relax me enough for the headache to disappear.

Yesterday was one of those days where I was hoping it would help.
And it did kinda....like going and working was helping to relax my muscles so the tension wasn't as bad. But I was still shaky, my head was still in pain, etc. But I could almost see it being tolerable...almost.

Physically, I could see me managing to make it through the 10 hour day.
Take it slow. Don't stress. Just one step at a time, and rest often.

Emotionally.
Oh, I was doomed. 
I figured I was in bad shape when a coworker is like "How are you doing?" 
And I couldn't answer...my throat closed up, I had to bite back a sob, tears sprung into my eyes and I just had to shake my head in the 'I'm not good' sort of fashion. 
If anyone looked at me, tried to talk to me....I was like instant waterworks. Of "I ca-ca-can't. it's--I -I hav-have a migraine" 

Which...not good.
I mean if I was in a job where I didn't have to actively talk to people, I probably would have found a way to ground myself, breathe, get over it and just work.

But this is customer service.
And if I can't manage to talk to my coworkers without breaking down because my emotional defenses are laid low....
It's probably not the best of ideas to try and be customer engaged. 
Because customer service....you're supposed to try and put on a cheerful attitude. People don't want to come shopping where the workers are in bad/sad moods. 

So. I found my manager, managed to convey to him through my closed off throat that I was not feeling good. 
-Though at this point it was more emotional unwellness, while the headache was still there it wasn't as bad as it had been.

And went home.
After an hour of being at work.

And the only reason why I went home...was because I did have that other coworker there. I knew they could cover the department. I'd managed to get the more time consuming tasks done. 
And told my coworker to not worry about the cage cleaning task of the day. Just to focus on opening the floor, feeding the fish, scrubbing the tanks, etc. 

The main drawback to having my coworker go lone wolf in the department?
....was the fact that they were off at like 2. 
Which meant that the last three hours of my shift...would still be uncovered. 
And it's not like we could call anyone in.
Because that was exactly the reason why I was working the ten hour shift in the first place.
Because we needed that 2-5 gap covered. 

And I wasn't quite sure how they'd manage it....like call try and call in someone? Have the manager on duty cover? *shrugs* No idea.

The main thing was....
I went home.
I crashed. 
Took like a 4 hour nap I desperately needed because I'd barely slept the night before due to the headache.
And woke up feeling better.
Emotionally I was in control again, I had a handle on things, I could pretend to be okay for customers should they ask "how are you?" 
Physically...much better than I was. But the headache still lurked. 
But at least instead of being a 12 on the 1-10 pain scale, it was now hovering more in the 4 or 5 range.
Painful, but I could ignore it and work around it. 

And so, after being awake for a little bit, and seeing that the headache wasn't getting worse.
I chose to come back into work for the last four hours of my shift. 
Because I was feeling well enough to do so.
But also because it would be less stressful on me to know I was there to cover my dept instead of wondering and stressing on how those last few hours would be covered before our evening person could come in. 
And since at that point in the day, basically all the tasks should be done, it would be just a matter of helping customers. Which I figured I had the energy to be able to do. I'd have to be cautious, not overextend myself so the headache wouldn't flare, but I figured I'd be able to do it. 

lol *shakes head* 
So I came back into work, to the intense gratitude of the manager and my coworker. 
And for them it was probably a night and day difference to them.
Leaving them basically in tears, coming back in with a smile. 

Amazing what a little sleep can do for the emotions lol. 

Though, surprisingly people were....surprised I came back?
The groomers specifically. 
As two of them had seen me in near meltdown mode earlier this morning,
And maybe saw me leave, or were told that I left.
And I guess word spread between the groomers?

Because nearly everyone I saw when I was back at work was like "What are you doing here?! I thought you went home!!" 

...I did.....
^^;; I just came back lol. 

Everyone was like "I would have just stayed home and not come back." 
*nods* 
Yah. I can see that. 
*shrugs*
But I'm not....that sort of person? 
If I'm given a responsibility I'm going to see it through. 
If I'm scheduled to work, I'm going to do my best to work the schedule I was given. 

lol they probably all think I'm crazy for coming back.
I had one person comment. "You don't get paid enough to do that."

*shrugs* 
Maybe so.
But I doubt there's any job really where people will 'pay you' enough to come back into work when you're sick/haven't been feeling well. 

It's not like I work at Starsmet for the money. *shakes head* lol. (yes it helps, but that's not why I'm there)
I work there because I love the job, I love working with the animals, I enjoy bringing smiles to people's faces. 
Plus. I'm just stubbornly responsible. I was scheduled, if I'm feeling well enough to work then by golly I am going to work! 

And since I could once more function, that's exactly what I did.
And thankfully the day was slow.
Not a ton of customers. Not a ton of interaction.
So I was able to keep my headache from rearing into nuclear zones again. Woot! 

So yah....crazy day yesterday.
But we managed to have my department covered, I managed to function, and hopefully the headache decides to stay away for a bit. 
(Unlikely to happen with this month's track record and more and more stress popping out of the ground like daisies, but here's to being optimistic!) 

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi