To halfway continue the musings from yesterday.
Have you ever notice like a literally flip switching in your life?
Like...for the longest time you react to something in some way, but then some little thing happens and then your total attitude to that something changes?
It's kinda a weird feeling when it happens...and like you realize it happens.
So.
For the past...while,
I've been rather antisocial.
Where I really don't want to go anywhere or see anyone once I get home from work.
And knowing that people do occasionally want to see me, I try and plan things out so that I'm not having too many social interactions happening in one week.
But yes...they do end up getting on my nerves because yes I love my quiet isolation time.
*shakes head*
It got really bad in January.
Because for whatever reason, January just wanted to be a spoilsport in the whole 'positive' new beginnings concept.
I couldn't handle people outside of work really. To the point where I literally became a hermit and was like NOOOOOOO if anyone was like "Can we get together?"
Cus like NO. I didn't want to deal with anyone.
But like, it wasn't just January.
So with Visiting Teaching...like...I've been on the whole "do we have to?" boat. Because like six months ago I was assigned to be companions with a girl who actually made an effort to do visiting teaching and to keep it up.
And like...I just never liked the idea of Visiting Teaching. It's not my method for getting to know people. So I've never been the one to instigate it.
My companion has been the one to be like "Let's go do this!"
And I'm like....but why? Like...I don't connect with these girls we're supposed to be visiting, we have nothing in common?! Why do I have to talk to them?! *complain complain complain*
Yes. I had a bad attitude to it.
And like Last Month?
Totally ignored it.
I was like. Nope.
I can't.
I know you want to, but I'm just not going to respond to texts or anything because I just can't handle that sort of 'negativity' in my life right now.
The interactions only caused me to feel like the 'baby' the 'child' someone who couldn't connect with these more 'mature girls' and like....I just....felt awkward.
And I couldn't stand the thought of having to deal with that tension.
So I didn't.
I let it be.
But like this month...
my headspace has changed a bit.
Possibly because I'm finally getting off the weird super sensitivity hyper crazy that was January.
Possibly because I was the one to decide "yah, let's go visit the girls this month." I was the one to instigate it and plan for it and decide yes. I can do this.
And like....the interactions with the girls this time around...were still kinda awkward. Possibly because we still don't have much in common. ^^;; lol. But like. I felt less of the outsider this time around. So woot!
And maybe this time around it's just a quirk.
Cus if I started visiting these girls back in July...that means this is the seventh month.
And I've noticed that like...it takes me a while to grow comfortable with an idea.
Usually around 7 months actually if it's a consistent thing lol.
That's how long I had been working at Starsmet before I felt relaxed enough to...well...be myself.
So I can see why it took me so long to get into the headspace of "yes I can do this. I can be social. I can talk to these girls and such"
*shrugs*
I guess it's because like...I find it hard to open up to people when I don't think they're going to stick around. Why try and get to know someone I may never see again? Why make an effort if in two months they'll be gone from my life? Why spend the energy on something that may have no reward?
Yah.
I'm weird.
But hey!
If this mindset shift continues to be a thing,
Then maybe I'll be able to have more fun with this visiting teaching thing. End up feeling less awkward. Find things we have in common and interact more. *shrugs* Who knows. Who knows indeed. :)
Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!
-Sarnic Dirchi
Congratulations Olympic Medalists!!
Norway: 1 Gold 4 Silver 3 Bronze 8 Total
Canada: 1 Gold 4 Silver 1 Bronze 6 Total
Netherlands: 2 Gold 2 Silver 1 Bronze 5 Total
Germany: 3 Gold 1 Bronze 5 Total
United States: 2 Gold 1 Silver 1 Bronze 4 Total
Czech Republic: 1 Silver 1 Bronze 2 Total
O.A from Russia: 1 Silver 1 Bronze 2 Total
Finland: 2 Bronze 2 Total
Austria: 1 Gold 1 Total
France: 1 Gold 1 Total
Republic of Korea: 1 Gold 1 Total
Sweden: 1 Gold 1 Total
Italy: 1 Bronze 1 Total
Kazakhstan: 1 Bronze 1 Total
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