Dating Frustrations

There are times where I feel rather shallow.
But at the same time...why is it wrong to want to be with a guy that is physically attractive to you? Is it that shallow? 
Possibly not.

Yet at the same time I feel that way.
Whenever people try and set me up with guys.

Because it seems like every. single. time. I get set up with the same 'stereotype' of guy that I'm honestly not attracted at all too.
And why am I set up with them? Because they're 'nice', they're 'funny' they have an 'excellent job' or 'are really smart'

Which yes.
I want all those too...

But at the same time....
It makes me feel...worse? Worse.
To be set up with these guys that aren't attractive.

Like...idk how to explain it.
But like...are others taking into consideration how I feel? What am attracted to? What I look for in a guy?
Or are they just like "Oh no, Sarnic is still single! Let me think of the first SINGLE guy I can that MIGHT have like one quality that meshes with her and try and set them up!" 

Just. Please. 
No. 

No. 

Yes I'm single.
That doesn't mean I'm desperate to marry the first guy who drops into my lap.
No there's more to that.
Are we attracted to each other? Are we able to connect mentally? Emotionally? Can I feasibly talk to this guy every single day and not feel like we've run out of topics?

I mean, I'm looking for my best friend.
Someone I want to be around. Someone I want to be seen with. Someone I can talk to about the stupidest of subjects or the deepest of philosophies. 

And it's just...
Hard.

Hard to continually get set up with guys who don't fulfil any of those qualities. 

What does that say about me?
What does it say about how others view me?

Especially if I've told them mul-ti-ple times that what type of guy I'm searching for....and it gets ignored. 

It's a blow to my self worth too...like am I just here to 'be the trophy wife' because that's how it feels like. Am I here because others don't think I'm as pretty? Because that's what it feels like. And it's hard for my self worth. My self confidence to feel like I can't measure up to the 'cute' guys the 'attractive' guys.

Granted. There are some that I won't ever be in the same circles with.
But at the same time...why can't it be that I can get set up with someone that is 'cute' for once? 

*exhales*

This is why I hate dating. 
Hate getting set up with people.

Because it just seems to nail it in deeper every time.
That no one really knows me that well. 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day.

-Sarnic Dirchi