It's never really fun to feel like you're in a downward spiral. That things are slowly getting worse and you're fighting the current...but with each passing day it's just the never ending thought of:
"What's the point?"
*exhales*
This past week has been slightly rough on me on multiple levels.
And all of it has just kinda left me feeling like I'm well....failing.
Have I been able to write a fic? Nope.
Have I been able to do anything productive around the house? Not really.
Do I just spend every day all day reading when I'm not at work? Yep.
Is work just slowly increasing its demands and expectations on what I'm supposed to get done in an eight hour day during a 40 hour week? Yep.
Like. Honestly. Who cares about customer opinions? Who cares if they're happy here? Who cares? It's not like there's much we can do when their main complaint is lack of workers....which corporate doesn't give us enough hours to HIRE more people to be in the store. Or the increase in prices. Which corporate again. Increases for various probably greedy reasons.
Honestly, I feel like work should focus more on making the workers happier. If the workers are happier they're more cheerful and then are more likely to be more cheerful to customers and do all the things that corporate is trying to beat down on us with the stick and little to no carrot.
So yah.
Haven't been feeling that great at work this past week.
And then on top if it.
My AC went out in my car. And we just got hit with a slight heatwave.
And instead of being a nice and easy and simple fix of just going to the local Jiffy and getting the AC recharged.
I get told that the clutch in the compressor isn't engaging. Which would mean a full part replacement if true.
And it's not like a $300 fix. Noooo IF it is the part that needs to be replaced then that's going to cost me over $1000 to get it replaced.
Add onto that that there's apparently a parts shortage going on and it's looking like my car is going to be ACless for the forseeable future.
IF that's the issue.
Because I honestly don't trust the Jiffy people much beyond getting my oil changed.
It's possible that they just did something wrong and decided "Hey this must be broken go get it fixed." instead of like....attempting to fix it.
I get why they didn't attempt to recharge. Because I'm sure they don't want to have to deal with a customer who's like "You charged me $150 to recharge my AC and it STILL DOESN'T WORK" so I get it. I get that they don't want to take the risk.
But at the same time.....Just *lowkey screaming*
Because instead of being a nice easy maybe half hour to an hour wait to get my AC recharged....I now have to make plans to drive up to the only mechanic I trust up in Hometown stupid early on my day off in the hopes that they can fix the AC without it costing an Arm and a Leg but I also have to potentially plan to be technically careless for the day at minimum and maybe two or three days at maximum which is DIFFICULT when I have a job.
And like...I have cars I can borrow. Not my preferred ones and such.
It just....feels like it's all crashing down.
It's the straw that broke the camel's back.
And it's just.....really made me miss my mom today.
Because even though I can actually afford to get my car fixed on my own and I'm not that concerned (though definitely annoyed) about how much money I have to spend to fix my car....
It just....kinda hurts that I just can't complain to mother dearest about it and have her go "Hey, I can help out with that. It's okay. You can borrow my car and I can cover some of the payment if not all the payment."
Because she has such a giving heart like that. Money wasn't an issue to her so long as she was able to make her kids happy.
And I just kinda miss that knowledge that there's someone in my corner. Someone willing to help me out. To reach out and cheer me up. I feel like I have to keep up the front of being the happy one. The supportive one and I'm just....balancing on a crumbling pillar that's barely getting shored up with support.
It's hard.
Like I know I can handle. I can get through this. I have before. I will again.
I just....wish I could have someone else to rely on without it feeling like an obligation, a burden, an unwanted responsibility.
Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!
-Sarnic Dirchi
