Mirror Self

"MYSELF"
by Edgar A. Guest

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know;

I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.

I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of a man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to think as I come and go
That I'm bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself --- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Return to Humility

I'm always leery with quizzes and tests when I start a new semester of classes.
Mostly its because I don't know what to expect. I have a general idea of how the quizzes and tests will be presented during the semester.
So its hard for me to know for sure if I've 'studied' enough until after I take those first quizzes and tests in each class.
By getting a general idea of what will be presented, I get a better understanding of how to prepare for these examinations.
Today I had to take an oral quiz for one of my classes.
Its part of the course...and its the first time I've really had to do an oral quiz.
Its not...difficult there are only three questions asked.
But before knowing what to expect I didn't know what to expect or how much I should go over.
The answer is to go over everything...because its important sometime even if its not for the oral quiz. lol.

So I went into take this oral quiz...and found it easy.
I answered question one (Cubitus) almost before the tester had finished asking the question.
So my confidence grew. I could do this.
Answer two took a tick or three longer but I got the answer right!
Now...the downfall.
I got too overconfident, cocky, prideful that this was easy that I would get the right answer...
Soo I missed the last question. lol.
It was okay. I knew the right answer...but the placement of the object threw me off so I answered wrongly.
-Plus the 'you only have 5 seconds to answer' idea might have added some stress-

lol but its just another reminder for me.
Don't get too overconfident or you'll fail.
Sometimes its just a little nudge. "Hey, stay humble."
Othertimes its a laugh with you of "You set yourself up for that one."

Like a while back at FHE when the guys challenged the girls in a game. The losers would have to bow to the winners.
Right off the bat...I knew we were most likely going to win because of that 'prideful' attitude. "you bow because we are the best!"
Now knowing that...its a double edged sword. Because if you know that they will be prideful and loose then you'll win so you get prideful that you know you're going to win...you'll loose having neither side learn to stay humble lol. :)
Luckily the girls took the challenged with good grace...and even though the game was a close one...the guys ended up loosing.

This year I just have to remember to tread carefully when in 'tests'. Sometimes the result isn't that horrible. Kind of like a tap on the hand. "Be humble, don't get over confident because then you'll make mistakes."
Being humble also comes with a good deal of perseverance as well. I have to study and learn what will be on the tests and learn how to take the tests well. So I have to have confidence in myself that I will do well, but not so much confidence that I miss something important that's obvious (like placement) and end up bombing the question.

Basically what I'm trying to say is...
Remember to express your gratitude where its deserved. If you ask for help (quick prayers of "Help me do well on this test!") don't get prideful thinking that you're doing this all by yourself...because you're not. Gratitude needs to be shown to those who 'help you remember what you need to remember.' and so on. :)

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Three Seconds

Names.

I do really good remembering them when I want to...

Until a person shows up where I'm not expecting them to show up...like in the hallway when you're on your way to class.

You never have more then like a second to remember their name if they spot you first.
If you spot them first you have more time to remember their name and say it to them.
But if they say Hi -name- first...unless you've trained yourself to remember, or to expect to see that person there...the return name might be delayed.

For me, it seems to take three seconds to remember a person's name after they've said hi to me.
(That is, if I know their name, if I don't know their name at all...then I'm just stuck with saying "Hi how are you?")
So they say Hi Sarnic!
And I automatically say Hi back...but most of the time I can't put a name out of my mouth until they've already passed me and we continue on our different ways.

I feel bad afterwards...not as bad as I feel when people remember my name and I don't remember theirs.
But still, my name trigger needs to be put into practice so that I can be quicker off the ball saying "Hi Soandso" back. :) Or I need to learn to look up from the ground and pay attention to who's passing me, so I can see people coming at me before the first "hi!" hits my ears causing me to look up.
I think the second thing will be easier then then first. :) lol.
Look up at the people! Not down at the feet/floor. :)
(unless walking in the snow/ice...then looking down is more important so you don't fall down. :D)

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

End of Bliss

End of Bliss

Madness stalks the halls

Searching, searching

Ribbons of death fly through the air

Ripping, killing

Insanity laughs while Anguish screams

Food turns to ashes

As they twist, to see
They are cut down by Anger

Withering they fade, shimmer, depart

Surprise, the first, lies cold and alone

Singing its demise, Insanity gazes, watching

Waiting to execute light without a care

Terror crouches hiding, hiding
Victims swell as Common Sense comes too late, far too late

As Lunacy searches, seeking
Hiding, Sadness sobs its sad song

Alone, so alone

While Insanity grins with devilish delight

As it stalks the halls full of terror and might
Bravery comes to the rescue

Arriving too late, too late

Blood red flowers sprinkle the ground

Groaning, groaning

Madness sees Courage coming, coming

And its sense of might turns into dread

So Insanity tells itself to die

While on the top, at the peak

It turns its power of life on its soul

And shreds itself to ribbons

To flee, escape

The penalty Justice brings

A day of spring has turned to the chill of winter

In just an hour one hour
Sadness wonders, How? Why? To What Cause?

Did ribbons of death come through the halls?

Killing Bliss in a single breath

The greatest injustice is Madness picking its own death.

                                                                 -S.N.D.

Whenever I hear of some public attack that involves guns/shootings/death/people....
I think of this poem I wrote back in high school (shown above)

And I continue to wonder "why?"

Why did the shooter decide to tear apart our happy lives, and bring terror crashing down?

What was the point of that demonstration?

Overall...this poem is a tribute, to those emotional scarred from the dark days of dealing with an individual who chooses to take the utmost revenge...that of taking a life.

And in many cases deprives the surviving victims of justice by taking their own life as well after they've killed their marks.

The question is...will we let these events effect us for the rest of our lives? Or grow from the experience and become stronger, instead of shrivelling from bitterness because of what happened to be tossed our way.

Until you next read these words;

I'll be watching the leaves.

Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Trusting Power

Have you ever looked at you life and wondered....

If I were evil...what could I get away with??

No? Oh...well maybe its a trait of an aspiring writer. :)

But in case you were curious.

I was that wondering today. :)

Because a couple of times in the past week...
I have ended up being basically the only person in a dark building.

And being me...
I've considered...what type of mischief I could get into.

But I think that is a part of life. 
Having to trust others.
And hoping that they are trustworthy. :) 

It helps...that I've been seen around this building...being there basically everyday. 
So people know that I'm pretty responsible. :)
And because they believe I am responsible, and they recognize me...Alot of trust and responsibility is put on my shoulders.

And with that...
I tend to sometimes wonder, what would happen if I used that trust for my own personal gain, instead of service for others.

While at first, the act of being selfish would be thrilling, I highly doubt things would turn out well. It would all blow up against me.
So instead, I find joy in gaining trust and responsibilities, but I use this 'trusting power' to be of service to others.

A blessing instead of a curse.
A balm to a busy soul instead of a kick that bring ones down to their knees

Trusting Power can gain many more privileges and fun to both parties when used for the betterment of others. And not just the betterment of yourself.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Senseless

There is one thing that I find really....senseless....
And because I find it senseless...I have a tendency to really intensely not like it very much.

And that is:

Killing People........in books.

Not that real life its any less senseless...
but for now I will focus on killing characters on books.

I really don't mind it if someone dies in a book...
If I can see that there was a good reason for them to die.

But it really bugs me....
when it just seems like the author went and said to themselves
"Hmmm, I need somebody to die here. You, lets pick you and kill you off."

It just seems like an out of the blue scene. Everyone is happy...and WHAM disaster strikes.
And somebody dies.

>.< For no particular reason besides that the author wanted some 'action' in the book and decided that everyone that is major...or slightly less then major of the characters, can't survive.
So someone needs to die.
I half wonder if its a picking game.
Eenie meenie minie Moe! BAM You're dead!

>.<
If there was actually a point to the death....
Well...that would have been a different story....
But senseless deaths...
They really get on my nerves >.<
Sometimes I'd rather they all lived, or at least died somewhere else where it would make more sense then.
"Hmm somebody needs to die here, lets pick you."

*shakes head.*
Yah...there's my mini rant of the day. :)
Its what happens after I finish a series...and I don't like the ending.
(The book series is :The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod by Heather Brewer...alright series about a half vampire kid. The books grow on you as you read them...until that ending...grrr, it could have been written in such a different way and still been cool.)

Anywho :)

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Don't Do That!!

I'm sure we've basically all had this urge.

When told to not do something...
to actually do the thing we were forbidden to do.

Don't touch that?
Do not move one more step!
Don't cross that line!

There is just something about being forbidden to do something...
That makes you want to do it.

And I think there was an explanation for why
when told not to do something...we....especially younger kids...have a tendency to do it.

Its because the brain doesn't comprehend "Do Not."
It doesn't comprehend negatives.

I don't remember where I heard it from...

but I think there is some logic to it.
And maybe some researchical proof...
I remember someone saying to not say "Don't go near the cliff."
Because the brain will hear it as "Go near the cliff."

Its no wonder why little brothers are so annoying.
They like to do the opposite of what they're told.
"Don't go in my room!"
translate into
"Go into my room."

But I wonder if we can use the logic against us....
to tell us to not do something we didn't want to do in the first place...
like homework...
(I read a book Alcatraz 4 by Brandon Sanderson and it mentioned this idea)
If we were forbidden to do homework by ourselves/parents.

would we then want to do it?
Its an interesting idea.....

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day.

-Sarnic Dirchi