I can be a stubborn person. I admit that. If you tell me to do something everyone else is doing, I resist. I have a hard time most of the time following a crowd.
Yet, the Lord has found my weak spot.
School.
I have been brainwashed into doing school. Especially the homework. I may moan and groan about it, but I get every task accomplished because I want that A. I want to get good grades so I can say to myself "Now, that class wasn't so hard. I got an A!" lol.
Now, before I started my Freshman year. (aka 9th grade aka Jr. High) I hadn't read the scriptures. Meaning I hadn't read OT from cover to cover, NT from cover to cover, BoM from cover to cover or the D&C from cover to cover. I received a quad as a present after my birthday, yet until 9th grade I hadn't seriously attempted to read any of those books from cover to cover. I tried once or twice. Starting with Genesis, but then I'd get bored....I only really attempted to do so on Sunday anyway. So the only time I really opened my scriptures was in church.
Until 9th grade.
When i signed up for Seminary.
I don't know for sure why I signed up. There must have been alot of reasons going through my head. Maybe the main one was that I got to 'get out of school' for 50mins everyday lol. It might have been because I was looking for a new way to be taught. A different way to feel the spirit. *shrugs* I don't know. But I signed up.
And there was my 'downfall' :) lol or maybe I should say "Uplift?" hmmmm.
My first semester of Seminary I had a teacher, Brother...Huffman...I think was his name.
This year the seminary was focusing on teaching the New Testament, and brother Huffman set us the challenge to read the New Testament before the school year was over, and to read at least a chapter every night.
A challenge. I think we only had to get 'to such and such a point or read so many pages' to consider ourselves in the "A" grade range. But I wanted to read the whole thing. (a competition thing i guess.)
So I started to read the Old Testament with the goal in mind to read it every night so i would feel that i deserved that A.
Another challenge Brother Huffman set us was to memorize the scripture mastery's found in the New Testament.
lol, I must admit that he was the only Seminary teacher who diligently encouraged us to memorize those scriptures. Consequently I have a better chance at quoting New Testament Scripture Mastery's to a person just because I worked harder to memorize them.
I don't know by which means I reached this verse that has been a stalwart companion since then. I think it might have been via the SM method, but I could have read it when I was underlining all the SM in my scriptures (hesitantly and very lightly in pencil because i couldn't understand why I should mark up a book...Blasphemy!! lol I've changed my mind since then as I've become more comfortable with the idea.)
But its words for some reason resonated within me and this scripture became my favorite of all. It was the first domino I guess lol. A source of comfort and a way to convince me to keep moving forward no matter what. And because of that first domino I have made changes in my life to allow more dominoes to fall towards the light instead of remaining in, or heading towards, a darker path.
The scripture can be found in:
1 Corinthians 10: 13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Those words have resonated with me since that time.
Everyone knows that the teenage years are hard. Yet in my 14th year I found my solace. My own 'pick me up' to keep me positive towards life. lol, I guess its almost like Joseph Smith and James 1:5 except I didn't have a vision. Yet I found an answer that I didn't know I was looking for when I was 14.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man.
Basically every temptation I've faced, many others have also faced. I'm not alone in my struggles. Someone (even if its only Christ) has gone through what I've gone through. They might have faltered, they might have succeeded. I probably won't ever know.
God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able;
God knows what he's doing. If I get a trial in my life, I know that its a trial that I can get through. He wouldn't set me a problem a task, a trial that he didn't have 100% confidence that I can make it through it. He's not unfair. I only get the trials that he knows I can make it through. Trials that can shape me into a better person. To be a stronger me. whatever comes my mind I already know that I can get through it, if I trust in god, read the scriptures, follow the standards of my church. Basically stay true to him. I can get through it.
but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
A way to escape. That I can bear it. He leaves an 'escape route' a 'safe passage' where I can find solace and comfort and peace. This part has changed its meaning over time, becoming more complex as time goes by I guess. A way to escape. Through prayer, scripture study, doing church things, going to the temple. At the moment my 'escape route' is the Institute. when the world gets too much I know that I can find peace, solace, happiness while I'm in Institute. whether or not I'm just hanging out there on the scoping couches, or actually learning more about His word in class. Institute is my 'eye of the storm.' If I didn't have institute....I don't know what I'd do. College is stressful, going to church to be uplifted once a week isn't enough. I need a continuing 'buffer' against the world. Institute is my escape route for now, but it wasn't back in 9th grade, it might not be in ten years. I will find a 'way to escape' that He has provided and will remain strong moving forward. This 'escape' might be reading the Ensign everyday. Or perhaps its just finding comfort in the arms of my husband. I don't know. But for now its Institute.
1 Corinthians 10:13.
It started me on my journey to who I am now.
Those four years of seminary I was really diligent in reading.....during the school year.....but during summer, I'd slack off. I had no 'drive' to read the scriptures. No grade to get.
Yet, the Lord knows me well.
At the end of my Senior High School year I had a choice.
The three summers previously I had slacked off because I knew that in Seminary I'd be encouraged to read which ever book we were studying that year.
Yet Senior year, after that, I didn't know if there would be a 'next year.' My mind thinking was "that there wasn't"
Soo I had a choice. To possibly just slack off again....but for an indeterminable amount of time. Or. Continue reading. So I chose.
To continue reading.
lol. Mostly I continued reading because my Senior year we were talking about the Old Testament. The biggest of the four. In the 'reading guide' we were told to skip chapters, skip books in the OT. But stubborn me I wanted to read everything. Go above and beyond soo by the end of my Senior Year...I hadn't finished the Old Testament yet.....or perhaps I did, but I was reading it for a second time....I don't remember.
The key was that I hadn't finished.
The Lord knew me well. lol.
When I pick up a book I pick it up with the intention that no matter how long it takes I will read it all. Even if it is a really crappy book. Soo I had to finish reading the Old Testament. So into the summer I continued reading. And once I finished the OT I continued. Reading the NT, the BoM, the D&C and again the OT. and the cycle continues. lol. Though I change things up a bit. I had a goal a year ago to read all four books in a year. I accomplished that.
Now, my method of reading is to read a chapter from one of the books a night. OT one night, NT the next, BoM the night after that, and D&C after that. One chapter a night. Some are long,some are short. But I continue reading. A habit has been made, and its one I want to keep because it can be "a ray of light" "an escape." If i had multiple routes of escape to choose from I'd want to make sure that all those routes. Prayer, Church, Scriptures, Institute, Journal writing are nice and squeaky clean so I can find my way into Gods arms in an instant through whatever passageway is most convenient for me.
Perhaps that's why I find it hard to come up with a "trial" when I'm asked "What Trial am I going through at the moment?"
*shrugs* I'm not. You could say I'm going through a testing ground. But is it really a trial when I already know that I will win in the end? That I will stay true?
Perhaps I haven't really been truly tested yet. But from what I've experienced so far....I'm confident. Whatever trial I face. God knows I can make it through, so since he knows. I know. So my outlook on life is positive....even if unpositive things happen. Its a trying ground and I'm going to get through it and get back to him again. With this knowledge. How can I be put down by the Deceiver? I may have my moments of weakness true...but overall. There is nothing I can't overcome. I just have to strive for it. Not lay down and say: You do it for me. My own effort needs to come through this. I will receive help along the way, but only if I am trying in the first place.
Basically the gist of what I'm trying to say is:
1) There is no Temptation (trial) in life that you can't get through.
2) The Lord knows you well, and will work to help you become stronger, not weaker.
You can make it. Have confidence in yourself.
Until you next read these words;
Enjoy the day!
-Sarnic Dirchi
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