A Roommate Rant

It's amazing how words can make you feel soo many emotions.

Today I had to go into work earlier then expected, to help cover a shift.
And I wonder if this conversation would have happened if I'd been at work...well. When I was supposed to be. I would think not as I would have still been home when the problem arose.

You see, I had created a 'custom list' of channels I like to watch. Since my roomies are gone like...most of the day. I didn't think much of it. In fact...I wasn't sure they even watched TV.
Since...well they're not really there.
I guess they do. I mean, I'm not there all the time to watch them and see if they watch tv.
But last night, one of my roommates asked me to take off the custom list I'd created.
Sure no problem. I wasn't quite sure how to do it. So I fiddled around with it, found a thing that said "Channels I get." And hit that.
There. Problem solved. That would show us all the channels that we got. (or the ones that the cable company wants us to get, but add into the package)
I didn't think much of it.
But apparently...I did it wrong.

Which is saddening.
Because I'd been having a pretty bright and cheerful day before my first break. I mean, yah I had to get up earlier then expected, but I was still in a good mood as that meant I would be able to leave earlier.

Then...I saw the text.
My roommate had texted me.
And basically yelled at me.
"YOU DIDN'T CHANGE THE CABLE OFF OF YOUR LIST AND THANKS TO THAT I COULDN'T WATCH MY SHOW BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO CHANGE IT MYSELF! DON'T YOU KNOW I LIVE HERE TOO? YOU CAN'T JUST HOG THE TV AND MAKE YOUR CUSTOM LIST WILLY NILLY!"
Of course, it wasn't written in caps lock like that. Or written with those words.
But that was the general meaning.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
No, I'm sure it was written in a way that was meant to be "Uh...Hey, so I tried watching a show, but the playlist I found didn't have it on it....and I couldn't figure out how to change it so I could see that channel. Could you please make sure it's changed at your convenience so I can get that channel? Thanks"

It didn't come across that way to me though. Accusatory is the better word.

Of course my first reaction was.
"O.o But...I did change it. I changed it right when you asked me to. Unless I did it wrong...but I'm pretty sure I didn't. I'll have to see when I get back."
Then the problem solver in me came into play.
I mean...did she try everything? Or did she just assume that since it wasn't how she wanted it that nothing she tried would work?
So I asked her "Did you try doing this? What about this?"

Then the anger came in.
I mean. Come on. TAKE THE FREAKING TIME TO FIGURE OUT THE TV YOURSELF!! Weren't you paying attention last night when the boys came over and they were having problems finding the channel they wanted to watch? (sports...bleh. boring.) They knew the channel number and put that into the remote and GUESS WHAT? It took them straight to that channel. Even though it wasn't listed on my custom list.
-I know this only works if you actually know the channel number, but still. If she was going to watch a particular show...I would think she would know what channel it was on and just try putting that in.- (who knows, I don't know if I would think of that...though having recently watched the guys do it...who knows if we can even get this 'channel' that has her 'show' she wanted to watch.)  

Another angry thought was: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO CHANGE THE LIST THAT YOU WANTED TO WATCH A PARTICULAR SHOW? Seriously. I figured by asking me to change the list you wanted to watch shows that weren't on my list. (probably sports...but who knows. Maybe she likes all those shopping networks. I don't know) But how was I supposed to know that there would be a particular show on at a particular time that you had to watch? (In this day and age, I'm sure you can find it online somewhere.)
I mean, if she had. Mentioned something like. "Could you make sure this channel is on that list? There is this show I want to watch." I could have done that.
"Oh, I'm so excited to watch this show tomorrow morning!"
Okay, that second one might not have been an obvious clue to me to make sure that channel was on the list I'd set it to, but still.

But seriously. It's totally frustrating. And totally darkened my day.
I felt like I was being attacked.
For something that I hadn't purposely done.
And that remark "I live here too!"
Ugh. ARE YOU SURE YOU LIVE HERE BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT HERE THAT OFTEN! How was I supposed to know you actually watch TV when you're hardly ever here. How am I supposed to know that there are channels you like to watch when you don't tell me? It seems like whenever you are here you're hiding in your room. Soooo WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? When seriously I  feel like the only one who actually lives in the apartment!

Grr. So I spent like...3 or so hours warring with myself at work. Fighting between anger and hurt.
Seriously. I didn't purposely do anything. And you accusing me of not thinking of you. Hurt me. Hurt me deep. I don't purposely try to make life difficult for people.
I'm an easy going person. I try and make it so everyone is happy and everything is running smoothly.
I am aware that I spend a lot of time in the living room with the tv on.
But seriously, I'm sure I mentioned to her that at any time she could kick me off the tv. More then 90% of the time the TV is only on for background noise.
So yah. I seriously got sick to my stomach. Literally because I was angry. hurt, worrying, and desperately trying to just keep from lashing out back at her.

-Not that this isn't what I'm doing right now (lashing out), I just couldn't think of another topic to talk about today because it's foremost in my mind.

And then, when I was finally able to take my next break.
Her first words back to me are "Oh, It's okay." followed by more stuff.

()_() IT'S OKAY?!
You Had Me Literally Sick To My Stomach because I thought I was being a bad roommate and I wasn't sure if what I suggested to you would help out or if there was even a problem in the first place.

And all you can say is "Oh, it's okay?"

I don't get it. like literally three hours ago you were practically yelling me over text for 'hogging the tv and making my own custom list without consideration for others'
And now...it's just okay?
I guess the anger cooled.
Mine quickly cooled after I vented out my frustration that 'it was just okay!' She's okay now. Things are good, I can stop stressing.

My anger cooled because I convinced myself that she realized I wasn't trying to be a bad roommate and I had tried to switch the list. And that I was doing all I could when I wasn't there to fix it myself.

*shakes head*
And guess what? She's been gone all day. Again. She probably won't come back to the apartment until after midnight...when nothing is on TV....if she comes back at all. (maybe she needs to be away from this environment of contention that was unnecessarily created)  
But just in case she did come home...I've been hiding in my room since I got home from work. -And yah, I figured out how to actually switch the list to 'all the channels' for her. -Which I think is frustrating. As 4/6s of the channels we can't watch, a fourth of the remaining bunch is music, another fourth sports, and the last fourth..shopping channels. There's only like 100 channels at the most of 'good shows.' I mean, you have to scroll through all those channels you can't watch or are useless channels to every try and find the right ones that you can actually watch.

So problem solved. Everything has been smoothed over....I think. Since she isn't home I don't know.

Yet.
There is just one little thing wiggling in the back of my head.

I've had this custom list since the first week I moved in. Three months ago. She is moving out within the next month.
And she chooses NOW to tell me that I can't just create my own custom list?
WELL WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THIS WHEN I FIRST MOVED IN!
"Hey I noticed you created your own list on the tv, but it doesn't have the channels I like to watch, can you add those in?"
"Oh, sure! I didn't know you liked to watch those. Here let me do that now."

But no. She just blows up at me now. Out of the blue!
Why?
Why?
It leads me to believe she only watches tv once in a blue moon.
Otherwise...wouldn't she have brought that up to me sooner? Or tolerated it for like...two more weeks when she would  move out and never have to see me again? And I'd never have known? I mean, I'm tolerating the fact that she likes to take my cup and put it in the dishwasher when I specifically told her. "Hey, I like to leave a cup out for easy access when I get thirsty, that way I don't have to constantly get new ones. So don't touch it." It's only two more weeks of that....

Who knows. There might be something in the atmosphere, Jupiter is making a triangle with Venus and Pluto or something to just cause people to have a bad day and snap.

I mean, Reth had a pretty rough morning as well. Where nothing seemed to go right at work. Things were empty, dishes weren't done, cages not cleaned, people not coming into work, being out of cleaning supplies, having to go to the vet, leaving the water on and causing the sink to flood....just to name a few things.

Yah. Something's up. Something about the 30th of July is just aligning to give people rough days.

I'm glad that we managed to smooth over the problem. (maybe who knows. she might still be angry too) But, It's still going to bug me that she hasn't asked me about changing the list before now though. Where has she been the past three months to only mention it now?

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

The Dream

I dreamt that I was at somebody elses house, but when I went back to my car, I came to it just in time to see this big red monster truck, roll right over it. Tearing off it's bumper while knocking the wheels off my car and smashing in the hood. I turned away, going back in the home, hoping that it was only a dream and that my car hadn't just got destroyed. But I had to go back to it later. Only, I ended up in my sister's apartment complex parking lot, searching for something while this gang of guys were hanging out. I think I was trying to find that truck that had run into me, wishing that when the accident had happened that I'd taken a picture of the license plate number...

Then the unholy tones of daylight pulled me away....
and I became myself again. :)

-S.N.D