Over Socialized

 Social interactions, especially since the pandemic began, have been a bit of a double edged sword for me.

Because like. In small groups, I do enjoy talking to people and hanging out and just you know, catching up on what's going on with everyone's lives.

I mean for a long while there was (though it's fading more and more as time passes) that slight paranoia lingering in the back of my head, wondering if interacting with this person is a good idea. Wondering if they're carrying covid. Wondering if I meet up with someone or go somewhere I'll catch the virus.

Again. The fear has faded a bit there.

But I have noticed that it's still....difficult for me to be social.

And like. I'm social all the time at work. I kinda have to be since it's a retail job and I have to help customers.

But like, that's a known social that I do. I know mostly what to expect at work. And I'm comfortable enough at work that while it can be stressful at times....it's not always a bad stressful.

Not like regular social human interaction is. 

Like I'm pretty sure that I shouldn't end up with a headache after any time I hang out with someone somewhere that isn't work or my home.

And it's even more annoying when I try to do prevanative measures to stop me from getting a headache. *exhales* And I still get one.

Like I get there's various factors that do and don't contribute to my headaches.

And social interactions can be one of them...especially ones where my body probably subconsciously decides to be tense when it doesn't need to be tense.

But it could just be....overdoing it.

Today for example...was probably a case of overdoing it. Just a tad.

Like I've often said that I only have interaction for one social interaction in like a week. One social interaction out of work that is. 

And on good weeks I can go out multiple times in a week -though just once a day- and be alright.

Today though.... I suppose you could say I had 4 different social interactions??? 

Like. I met up with Kikay halfway between her home and my home -aka dropping my car off in a random parking lot- so that we could carpool together up to one of our cousin's for her baby shower. 

So that's one social interaction. 

Then there was the baby shower itself. Which while still small aka less than 30 people there....held only a handful of individuals that I knew personally. But like there was 2 hours of socializing and chatting with the various people I did know.

Then Kikay, Skye, and I decided to go grab lunch afterwards at a local fast food place we like in Hometown. Which again is a different environment with different social interactions and complete strangers all around us.

And finally, the parental's, knowing that we were in town for the shower, wanted to know if we would be dropping by today to visit as well.

Which in of itself is familar so it shouldn't be stressful but was stressful this time around because I've already seen the Parentals TWICE this week. Making today the THIRD time I saw them and like....my life is not that crazy and there's not much to catch on in a WEEK especially when it's the third time I've seen them so it's left me floundering on just what we'd be talking about.

*exhales* and I suppose, thinking on it, the final stressor can tie in to the first social stressor in that Kikay and I carpooled back to my car and I hopped onto the freeway....only to get stuck in a major traffic jam for a good 20 minutes where we just inched along the freeway for 2 miles because an accident had closed 3 of the lanes leaving only 2 main lanes and 1 carpool lane open. *exhales* So like....that in of itself was stressful.

And....I guess with all that added socialness I should mention I've also socialized with my roomies today as well.

So basically.....

For trying to only stick to like one social interaction outside of work in a day or a week....I totally knocked it out of the park today.

So getting a headache shouldn't be surprising because like....the cards are all there. 3 different events. Shower. Lunch, Parental Visit. Stressful Driving cus Freeway driving is always stressful....and just like socializing in general. All give good reason why my muscles will be tense enough to cause a headache.

I just wish it wouldn't.

No idea how to fix it though.

Like does exposure help? Do I try and be social more to kinda of numb myself to being social so my body no longer recognizes it as a threat? Because like if even going to Church for an hour can trigger a headache....part of it has to just be social anxiety of a sorts....

But it's also quite discouraging and makes me reluctant to go do anything with people. Because triggering a headache is so bothersome and I want to avoid that particular pain especially when I experience it quite often already....

*shakes head*

No idea honestly.

I'll figure something out....maybe.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi