The Cracked Facade

It's stupid.
To get into a low point.
Where things that you'd normally brush off as nothing.
Suddenly just hit you hard.

I'm in one of those low points right now.

Where the right set of circumstances as just made me emotionally vulnerable.
To where I just can't pretend anymore.
That I'm fine.
Where I can't pretend that things aren't bugging me.
Where I can't pretend that I'm happy.
That I'm doing fine.

*shakes head*
It's a double edged sword though.
Because I don't like making others unhappy either.
Where I don't want to impose on their time and their energy to help myself out.

Mostly because I feel like I'm wasting their time.
That if they really wanted to help...they would have noticed that I wasn't doing well and offered to help.

The funny thing about being human though,
Is that we're all caught up in our own worlds.
So I'm pretty sure everyone has this moment.
Where they feel that they're always helping others out and aren't getting helped back in return.

Me.
I feel that pretty much all the time.
Where I do what I can to help others, notice their needs, come to their rescue.
But no one really notices my own needs and my own problems.
And I hate having to ask for help.
Unfortunately....if they do notice and do help, it's really difficult to admit that I'm in need. That I want them to be there, to help. After all....I don't want to impose.....

So to ask for help.....
Is difficult.
So I try to phrase it in a way where I don't feel like I'm imposing on the other person's time.

Like today.
I wasn't feeling well.
At all.
Hormones. A headaches, 7 hours of sleep in 2 days, an Upset stomach, Stress.... 

-You can see the factors leading up to this low point yes?

Made harder, because I don't really have anyone nearby to confide in.
To break the mask of "oh I'm fine."
And show that I really am not fine.

For everyone else really, I have to be smiles.
I have to be positive.
To be negative, to complain, to just air out my grievances to make myself feel better.

Isn't welcome.

So.
I've turned to here.
To writing.
Because it's the only place really where I can help myself.
To air my problems.
Air my grievances.
And just be true for a little bit.
So I can't impose on anyone but myself.
As after all. ;) If this post doesn't interest the reader...than more than likely they've already stopped reading right?
Right.

So to me.
Being true.
Just part the curtain a little crack.
To spill out the emotions that can't be split elsewhere.
So that tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
It can once more be smiles.
It can once more be helping others.
It can once more be......

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi