Paranoia

 This past week it's felt like there's been a noose around my neck that's slowly growing tighter. 

I've always had a slight....paranoia when it comes to the COVID pandemic. Wondering just how long I can 'hold out' before I end up testing positive with it myself. 

Part of me just....wishes it will happen already so I can just take 10 days off work and not have to stress.

The rest of me is perfectly happy being not sick lol. 

But like....for the past couple of weeks---I've been wondering if I did catch this Omicron variant and just didn't realize it was COVID. 

It's hard when the symptoms are so close to a common cold. 

Like the week of Christmas I had a sore throat and runny nose and a bit of muscle achiness. And of course I've had headaches. But those are pretty typical for me. 
And the past week I've had a tight chest and muscle aches and headaches (again normal for me) and slightly achy ears.

But like....it's not enough symptoms to be concerned. And with the extra long lines to go get Covid tested....I've been reluctant to venture out.

I mean. If my brain isn't thinking about it I feel perfectly fine. Or it's just the normal aches and pains relating to working a retail job.

In any case.

This week has been particularly stressful because it feels like I keep barely missing getting hit by the bullet.

Like last Sunday there was a girl coughing behind me in church and I was within the 6 foot distance even though we were both wearing masks.

Then I go into work the next day and discover that 2 of my coworkers (who I haven't interacted with recently) have tested positive. 

Then I give a ride home to another coworker tuesday night....and they discover Thursday that they've been exposed to family/roommates who have tested positive.

But this coworker continues to test negative. 

And other coworkers have been complaining about sore throats or have been sniffling.

Plus there's all the freaking customers (where most of them aren't wearing masks) who are sniffling and coughing and doing nothing to not stop the spread of their germs everywhere.

And with the knowledge that we've had our highest spike ever in cases this past week with Wed being over 7,000 cases and Thurs being over 8,000 cases and then Friday with 9,000 more new cases.....

It's left me desperately wishing I could just up and take 2 weeks off work and hermit at home for a while.

Because every time I hear someone near me has been exposed or has caught it then my paranoid brain goes "Oh you must have it too!" and then my body starts feeling 'sick' because it's all worried about the 'what ifs' even though I felt fine before I heard the news.

*exhales*

It's exhausting.

So. Today. I took a mental health day. 

I didn't go anywhere. I stayed home. I just....chilled. Let myself veg.

Hopefully its enough to keep me feeling 'better' this upcoming week.

But I suppose we'll see what chaos monday brings.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi