There are times when my brain tends to fixate on things.
Whether it's a story idea that I can't get out of my head when I'm trying to sleep,
A funny quote from a video or favorite song lyric.
Or words that others have said both negatively and positively....
Sometimes I just can't get it out of my head, whatever it is that's stuck there.
But there are times when I really don't want something stuck in my head.
Yet no matter how hard I try to not think about it.
My brain is like "No. We need to think about it. We need to figure it out. We need to work out what could have been done differently."
And often I just have to wait it out until something else distracts me from this super focus.
But there are times when I actively try to hinder this super focus. Because, again. I don't want to focus on it.
*exhales*
So.
The story starts a couple of nights ago.
When there were comments made on a post of mine that I didn't agree with.
And so I deleted them. Because I wanted to keep that particular post uplifting, and I felt that the comments brought down the positiveness I was trying to spread.
All seemed well after that point....
Until the commenter discovered that I had deleted their posts.
And they were offended at that action.
-Because they felt that they hadn't been mean or done anything in the wrong.
So, not wanting to get into a public internet spat about it.
I private messaged the commenter and stated that while I don't mind that the commenter expressed their opinion, and that they were willing to do so, I felt that the comments were at odds with the message I was trying to give so I deleted it.
To which the commenter was more than unhappy.
Going the typical "woe is me, am I not allowed to express my own opinion?!"
To which I was like...yes you are....
But I was thinking the entire time. "Am I not allowed to express my opinion too? After all. It's MY post. I can exercise my own opinions as well."
And in my opinion, I wanted to delete the comments because I didn't like the negative tone I felt they were taking.
It was a simple thing.
And after I explained it, I decided to try the better route and asked the commenter if it was alright that I deleted their newest comments -asking why I had deleted their comments before that point,- just so I could continue to keep the post more positive.
Since I'd just silently deleted the posts before.
I figured it was better to ask this time so the commenter was aware.
Well....
Needless to say that didn't go well.
It resulted with the commenter basically going "Fine, I don't care, true friends wouldn't treat their friends like crap, so I'm unfriending you."
To which again, I found irritating because true friends shouldn't comment dissing what I had posted nor dissing the individuals involved in the post.
I mean, it's fine with me that people don't like the same things I do. And again, I don't mind the opinion being expressed along those lines of "Oh, I don't like that."
Cool. Whatever. It's a free country. The easy thing is if you don't like something....ignore it? Because other people DO like that thing and you don't always need to post your opinion and create waves.
*shakes head*
In any case.
I was unfriended.
Over what I perceived as a silly reason.
I mean...yes I deleted comments, but I did answer back and explain why I deleted them, then asked if I could delete further comments....
Honestly. I boggles my mind...
Like. Why?
Why burn a bridge because one screw fell out? Just tighten the screw, maybe replace said screw, and look the bridge is as good as new! If slightly different.
*exhales*
So that was my head the morning after the unfriending.
My brain was focused on it.
Even though I was trying to tell myself it wasn't a big deal, that it was fine, that I didn't need that sort of presence in my life anyways.
But my brain refused to let it lie.
I was trying to figure it out.
What I could have done differently.
Which is super annoying because really....it's already happened, there's nothing I can do....so why think about the what ifs and make what if plans.
I mean...it's probably good practice if the problem arises again with another commenter. I can learn from the experience and go about it a different way next time...
But I didn't need to focus on it.
And I could feel myself getting rather....down about it.
And since I had like 8 hours of work in front of me.
I really didn't want to be in that mental headspace for my entire shift.
So I reached out to my sister.
Because the night before when the unfriending had happened, as we were heading to bed she was sending me all these inspirational quotes to help me feel better.
So that morning I reached out to her again, simply requesting that when she could (since I had no idea if she was awake or not at that morning hour) that I would love it if she could send me more inspirational thoughts to distract me from the mental downward spiral I could feel myself heading in.
-After all, I don't like losing friends if I can help it. Especially over little reasons. I want to work it out. After all, I'm a peacemaker, I want to find a solution, I want to make everyone happy. And the unfriending was basically having me question how 'good of a person' I actually was.
Which wasn't where I wanted to be. Because I didn't want one unfriending from a commenter that I haven't interacted with personally in years who doesn't know me and doesn't know my life to hold such an influence on me.
I don't know if Kikay was already awake, or when I texted her I woke her up, but my sister responded pretty quickly with more inspirational quotes and such that helped to bring me away from that downward spiral.
And that was all I needed. Just a little bit of a confidence boost that yes, I'm still a good person, yes I'm amazing, and yes I don't need to let the little things weigh me down and that bad things happen to good people and that this was nothing I couldn't work through.
And then.
To my surprise.
Other people began to text me.
Family and Friends.
Who were also sending me inspirational things.
From the simple brotherly "Who do I need to go beat up?" To pictures of a temple, to inspirational quotes to inspirational messages telling me that I'm amazing and to not let people get me down.
They poured in.
lol Which totally had me crying at work.
In a good way. (It's a good thing this happened before we opened and I was in a back room where my coworkers couldn't see me lol.)
Because I was so grateful to suddenly feel the support of so many people.
That I wasn't as alone as I was feeling at that moment.
That at any moment, at the call of a simple text, there are people out there willing to come to my aid in an instant.
Even if it's just through sending words over text.
And why did all these people suddenly start texting me?
Because Kikay had gone the extra mile.
She hadn't just sent me inspirational texts.
She had sent out texts to friends and family requesting aid.
-I have no idea what exactly she said.
But I can guess it was something along the lines of "Sarnic is in need of words of encouragement, please send something to her."
And boy did it work.
Feeling all that love, that comfort.
It totally put my head in a much better mind space than it had been just minutes earlier.
And for that I'm totally grateful.
Because that's exactly what I needed.
and I love that I have such wonderful family and friends who go above and beyond to help out in a time of need.
Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!
-Sarnic Dirchi
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