It's Only Been Three Days

 You know....how I mentioned...oh it seems like I get into the groove of starting to write and blog again and then something happens....and it all vanishes?

Yah.

Guess what just happened?

But this time, I'm aiming to not let it get to me. Because I'm really tired of just like....letting the bad things get me down.

Am I ready to process things yet? Who knows.

But I don't want to have Bad News keep me silent anymore. I don't want stress to keep me from attempting to rekindle joy in the things I used to enjoy doing. 

But ugh.

It's so frustrating that it feels like I'm not getting an emotional break.

Like we're only THREE days into 2024. 

Could I not have gotten like a FULL MONTH of stressfree 2024 first?

But noooooo

I hope this is just a one off. That Stress won't continue in my life.

Because I honestly don't know how I'll cope if January ends up being like my last October or December. 

In any case.

I received some concerning news today about a Family member.

Medically concerning news.

In the "This could be a Tumor or it could be Cancer" sort of news though the actual diagnoses is still pending until Doctors can get a better look at the issue.

And like...I honestly don't know how to feel about it.

Like I am sad. I'm worried. But I'm also just....feeling so apathetic about how much stressful information I've been having to take in the past couple of months and I just honestly need an emotional break.

I hope the news turns out more benign and treatable. I hope it turns out well.

Because I'm also worried about the future. The mental and emotional health of my other family members because of this news. 

I'm worried about how current plans for life to change...are...well....going to change. Because with this unknown it's unknown if plans are going to stay as they are or will shift to account for potential treatments for this medical thing.

....The main thing I do know...Is I'm going to try to be better this year about not bottling things up. To express them. To not let things get me down and to push through it.

Today I've managed it. Writing this out. Continuing blogging despite past stressful situations causing me to stop.

We'll see if I can keep it up. 

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi