The Call to Serve

I'm not even sure how the topic came up.
I mean, I'd just clocked back in from lunch and passed by my manager.
We got to talking.
And somehow the conversation changed to them saying. "You should go on a mission."

I've had that comment come up multiple times. From different people.
Moreso now with the age change and everything.

And I told my manager what I've told everyone else "I'm not planning on going on one."

Why? Because I have never had the desire to go. Like ever. The thought has crossed my mind multiple times. Wondering if I should go. Especially after the age change. Especially after a bunch of my friends went.
But I've never felt that it is something that I need to do.

I mean, even back when I was Elementary age and in church the teacher would ask "Who here is planning on serving a mission?"
I distinctly remember not raising my hand. While everyone else did.
Even then I felt pressure to raise my hand after I was singled out and asked why I hadn't raised my hand.
Its simple.
I've never felt the need to go.

Sure. I could be good at it. I've been told multiple times that I have a great spirit, that I would be a great missionary, a wonderful teacher.....but its not something that I want right now in my life plan.

In any case.
The manager was like "Did you pray about it?"
"Yes."
"How did you pray?"
I said something like "I asked the Lord if I should serve a mission and I got confirmation that its not something I need to do."
And the manager told me "You prayed wrong."
Excuse me? How can one pray wrong?
"It's in the way you phrased the question. As the Lord can't tell you what to do. You have your agency after all and he can't infringe on your agency."
Yes...he can't infringe on your agency. But if you ask. "What should I do." He can tell you things that you could be doing.
I mean. We just had a whole conference talk this past General Conference where people can ask "What can I do to be better?" And the holy ghost can tell you things like "Stop complaining. Clean your room. Go help so and so."
We can be told what to do. That's not infringing on our agency because we still have the choice whether or not to listen to what we're told. We aren't robots where a command is put in and we have to obey it even if we don't want to.
You can choose. You can choose to listen. To do whatever it is willingly. To do whatever it is and still complain about it. to ignore it completely. We have the choice.

But alas, my way of words is not quite as good when speaking aloud as it is written down. lol.
Because I know that my phrasing up above on 'how I asked the Lord.' wasn't quite right. It's just how it popped out of my mouth. Because I was put on the spot.
And my manager went into a whole spiel about the proper way to bring problems to the Lord.
Quoting the oft quoted scripture of "Study it out in your mind, Ask with pure intent." etc etc.
Where you need to "come to a decision, and then ask the Lord if that is the right decision."
Which in reality was nuances.
Because isn't that basically what I said. I did tell the manager that I chose not to go. That I asked if I should serve is basically saying, "Hey, I don't want to serve a mission, but do you want me to?"

So we had that whole conversation. Where I was struggling to not sound like a petulant spoiled child that is stubborn headed in refusing to go on a mission.
Because being put on the spot sucks.
I really like writing because I have time to consider my words, I can say things just right (most of the time.) and not just feel like...I said the wrong thing.

"Did you know everyone is required to serve a mission?" My manager asked, after I again reiterated that I did not want to go.
"No, only priesthood holders are required to go. (as circumstances allow. As there are exceptions to every rule.) Women are not required to go."
"You should still serve a mission. It will do you good."
"No, I'm fine."
"Why do you not want to go?"
"Because its not a good fit for me. I do badly under stress. I hate meeting new people constantly."
"That's not true. You're under stress all the time at work, you talk to new people all the time at work."

BUT THAT IS DIFFERENT!
At work I am in my comfort zone. I am Queen of the Hive so to speak. I am in control of the situation I know my backups I know most of the answers. I know that when its all said and done, the customer will be the one leaving the store and I will still be there.

You don't know how long it took me to relax into my job in the first place!
As this particular manager is like the 4th one of that position that I've had in the 3 years I worked there....they haven't seen me in my beginnings.
Yes. I appear confident. Yes. I am great with customers. Yes I can handle the stress really well here at work.

But it wasn't always like that. It took me at least Seven Months to actually relax into my job.
When I started. I was shy. I was timid. I was a quaking mouse. Talking to people was a struggle for me. I could barley raise my voice loud enough for people to hear me. Approaching people to ask them if they needed assistance was enough to give me anxiety.
You would never know that now.
And this manager doesn't know it. Because they didn't see the beginning.
I mean, we hired a girl that was everything I said I was above. Shy. Quiet. Timid. etc. And the manager couldn't believe that I was like that.
But I was.
And I still become like that whenever I am confronted with new situations. Send me to a new place and I will guarantee that I will revert back to that until I can get comfortable in that area.

So the fact that in a mission I will be sent to a new place. That I may have to learn a new language. That every six weeks I would a) possibly get a new companion. b) switch to a new area.
The fact that I would have to approach strangers on their turf. To tell them about the gospel. The fact that I would have to constantly face rejection after 'putting myself out there.'

Would not be beneficial to me at all.
Even with how comfortable I am at work, I still come home on days with headaches due from stress.
I could only imagine the problems I would face for the first seven months on (or the entire) mission. If I would get headaches. If I would be suffering. If I would deal with a lack of sleep because those headaches can keep me up all night....
How can I do the Lord's work well? To the best of my capabilities?

-Yes. I am aware that weaknesses can become strengths. That the Lord will support whom he calls. That relying on the Lord can mean that these problems could not be an issue...
But it is also true that the Lord did not put us here to be miserable. That our Plan of Salvation is also called the "Plan of Happiness." Not the Plan of Misery. Not the Plan of Despair. Happiness. It's Happiness.
The Lord wants us to be Happy.
So if we're not happy....how can we follow the Lord?
Doubt and Fear cannot be found in the same place as there is Faith and Hope. And if you're in Fear the entire time on the mission...how can you follow the Lord's direction?

Basically....the whole conversation with the manager left me....irritated.
Why can you not accept the simple answer of "I do not want to go, I chose not to go?"
It definitely put a damper on my day. A sour taste to my mouth. Annoyance in general that I felt basically that I couldn't be a good Member of the Church if I didn't serve a mission.

I mean, I felt like I should have waved flags in front of the manager and said: Newsflash...hundreds of thousands of women before me didn't serve missions, and they've turned out just fine. They're still going to heaven!

The Church may be "Cookie Cutter" in its programs, in its teachings etc...but if the Lord wanted all of his children to be exactly the same. To follow exactly the same checklist.
Then we would have gone for Satan's plan in the first place. Where we would have no agency. Where we would have to follow rules and not have choices.
The Church is perfect. The People are not. We have our agency. We have our choices. We have our differing life experiences. God created every human being in this world to be unique. To have their own special talents, their own gifts that can bring about his work.
Which means we don't all need to do the exact same thing. (Like serve a mission.) in order to serve the Lord and return to his presence.

There's talks about "Every Member a Missionary." But that doesn't mean Every Member needs to get a Mission Call.

It really boils down to the choices you make.
Elder Ballard spoke earlier today in an Institute devotional. (I couldn't go as I had work, but I had a customer come in who went.) Where he again reiterated the simple things. Are you praying? Are you going to church? Are you studying the scriptures? Are you taking the Sacrament? Are you doing the simple things?
The gospel is simple. So simple a child can understand it.
And through doing those simple things. One can receive revelation. Inspiration that allows them to be able to hear the spirit of the Lord, to be able to find ways to serve others. To teach others. To inspire others.

Line upon Line. Precept on Precept.

Its small things that can bring great things to pass right?
It can be something simple.

So, my Dad, randomly texted me after work today. Asking how I was doing.
And I told him.
I was irritated.
Because of the previous conversation above with the manager.

And he was an angel sent to calm my troubled mind. To bring peace back to my hurting soul. To find confidence in that my decision is actually still the right decision.

He said:
"You serve in so many ways. A mission is not the only way to serve. The example of your life is more service than most missionaries do."

Its a matter of choices.
And its a matter of choosing to try and do your best. To walk along the Lord's path.
You can serve a mission and draw further away from the Lord.
You can forgo a mission and draw closer to the Lord.
It all depends on your priorities really. On the reasons why you're choosing how you choose.

Its a matter of being able to understand other people, realize that they've all had different walks of life.
I was taught that from a young age. That people who are different than you, who believe differently, who act differently, who live differently. Aren't bad.
Sometimes it seems like members are told that "Different is bad. Don't associate with it."
Yet, being different. Is a huge part of why I have become who I am today.
Why I am understanding, why I can sympathize, why I can be friends with people who aren't members of the church.
Because I grew up around those people. My family would go on vacations. We'd learn about different cultures. We'd meet people from all walks of life.
And my parents were the best examples. Showing us that we can interact with other people. That there are good people everywhere you look. That you can find good in many different  places. That doesn't mean you have to 'love what the person does." but you can definitely "love the person."

Do you look out for others?
Do you find ways to bring other people joy?
Do you mourn with those that mourn?
Celebrate with those that celebrate?
Do you look for ways to serve?
Do you look for ways to inspire others?
To bring a droplet of sunshine to their day?

It can be simple.
Like doing a blog.
Like occasionally posting/writing scripture/general conference related thoughts.

I've always felt that my way of 'being an influence to the world' was through writing.
This blog didn't start out as a "Oh, let me share scriptures and General Conference thoughts now!"
No. It started out as a place to write.
And as I develop interests in things. as I find joy in things, I post about them. I incorporate them into my life. As I am still growing, still learning, still finding new ways to inspire myself which in turn leads me to inspiring others.

I mean, recently, due to being inspired by this past general conference. I began Tweeting/Facebooking favorite quotes from conference and the scriptures. I mean I even began a new blog specifically for the purpose of sharing quotes from church! lol and I can tell you, that was the furthest thing from my mind when I first began blogging five years ago. :)  
And it's because I found that people enjoy seeing positive things in their lives, and the Church posts a lot of positive messages. :)

Really...it is true what my Dad said.
You can serve the Lord and be able to do his work.
Without having to serve a mission.

My Dad also stated "Your Devotion to our Heavenly Father is much more sincere than most the missionaries I served with. And it has lasted much longer than 2 years."

Its a matter of choices.
Of how you choose to live your life.
Of what is needed to help you become more perfected in Christ.

For some people, they need to serve a mission.
They need the spiritual boost that that calling gives to them.

Others don't. Others are able to keep up and boost their spiritual strength in other ways. Whether it be volunteering for a homeless shelter, giving gifts to family, or sharing favorite quotes from General Conference.
Spiritual validation can come in a variety of places.

But I think the key to it all.
Is again. Happiness.
Is it making you happy?
Then share it!

Because people can tell if you are really into something, or just going through the motions.
And if you share your joy, others can gain joy from your joy.
Reflective light can help build someone else's fire given enough time.

But first you need to decide.
Is this thing you want to share making you happy?
If its not. Why isn't it?
Is it because its a method that you don't like? Is it the people you're around? Is it that you'd rather be sharing it in a different manner?
Then share in a way that brings you joy. :) That allows people to see the light in your eyes, the fire in your soul.

For me, its through writing.
For others, its through missions.
Or dancing,
Singing,
Drawing,
Chemistry,
Biology,
Engineering.
Heart Surgery.

We can find Joy. We can find the Gospel. We can feel the Lord's love in a variety of ways.
We can share the Lord's gospel, his love, his plan of Happiness in a variety of means.

A mission is just one of those.
If its not for you, then don't sweat it.
Not everyone needs to serve a mission. For many, they can find spiritual strength in other situations.
I mean, our Prophet Thomas S. Monson didn't serve a mission. (due to the war if I remember correctly.) And look. HE'S THE PROPHET OF THE LORD!

So have confidence in yourself. Believe in what you do. Serve in how you can best serve.
And it will all work out in the end. :) Don't let others make you feel worse for not serving a mission if you choose not to. There are many other ways to do the Lord's work. :)

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi