The Supplicant

Why must I always come to thee?
Why dost thou not come to me?

Why? Why? Why?
I invited you to come to me.
Shelter and Food and Entertainment would have been provided.
Yet...your obligation, to drive a simple 45 minute drive....was too difficult?

You smile and exclaim and hug me in joy!
Crying WE MISSED YOU!!!! when I come in thy the door.

But dost thou really miss me?
If thou missed me would thou have made more of an effort to come to me.
Instead of me Always coming to thee?
Methinks that these feelings of joy are just an act, to try and make me feel included.
Yet I feel demeaned and excluded.
Why dost thou take my words as light and unmeaningful?
Do I not mean what I say?
Have you not heard me offer my place of dwelling time and time again?
Yet..again my hopes are crushed and smashed.

Why must I be the one to always come to thee?
Thou complains of money, jobs, school, and obligations, what thou dost lack and dost not have.
Dost I not have the same obligations? Dost I not have money, job, school, driving, and other obligations that I must meet?
Yet time and time again I come to thee.
I make the effort to drive, to take the time to spend the gas that could have been used elsewhere
To come see thee and experience wonder and merriment.
Yet thou dost refuse to come to me.
Is my status lesser then thine?
Is my sacrifice not equal to the sacrifice thou wouldst have to give to come visit?

Why must I be the one to always come to thee?
The drive is the same from both directions.
The gas spent the same, the time spent the same.
Yet my journey to thee is made more often then thine to me.

Over the years thy expresses of 'missing me'
Are starting to sound hollow.
From the time we separated thou hast visited me but once.
Yet I visit thee more.
Canst thou blame me then for wondering at how true of a friend ye are to me?

Why must I be the one to always come to thee?
I doubt that thou misses me.
It is true.
Our paths have taken separate lines.
But it seems like I take more effort to reconnect then thee.
Why dost thou never come to see me?
Why dost thou never come to see me?
Why dost thou never come to see me?

Methinks that a truer friend would do whatever it takes, riding bus, train, or driving
To come visit me.
Because I always come to thee.

And this supplicant is tired of feeling like an intruder.
Only there to observe, not participate in.
Events pass us by.
Memories are made that don't include the other.
Yet still, I try to meet with thee when I come by.

Dost thou ever try to come to me?
I have come to accept that the answer is
N.O.

Thou makes vague promises that gets my hopes up.
But time and time again they are crushed.
I have known for a while to not believe it when thou dost say thou will come.
I know that thou whilst not come.
Thou hast only come once.
I have come many.
Thou hast only come once.

This supplicant tires of disappointment.
Tires of knowing that her offer will remain unaccepted.
Though it is continually offered time and time again.

Why must I always come to thee?
Because thou dost not want to come to me.
Thou dost not see coming to me as a benefit.
Thou dost not see the drive worthwhile.
The company worthwhile
The different scenery worthwhile.
Instead thou are stuck in the "Cannots"
Instead of the "Cans"
I tire of hearing why thou cannot come.
I make the same sacrifices to come to thee.
That thou sayeth ye cannot do.
How is my situation different?
How is my sacrifice not equal to thine?
Thou hast jobs.
I dost not.
Yet both of us are still under stress of finances.
Similar driving situations....

Our situations are similar even if the means to get the to the situation are different.

Why dost I always come to thee?
Because of thine Cannots I always come to thee.
Because of mine effort I always come to thee
To share and to laugh and enjoy.
But is the price of pain worth it?

Why dost thou not come to visit me?
Because there are more of thee then me.
So time and time again as a supplicant, alone, I come.
Driving the distance time and time again.
Alone.
Thou hast numbers thou couldst take turns.
Yet thy numbers means....the majority is there.
Why should the majority come to the minority?
So time and time again.
The supplicant drives the distance.
Because the minority must always submit to the majority.

So I come to thee.....and you will most likely never come to me.

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi