Twelve Again

There are days when I feel like I've been sucker punched.
...and before I get more into this...I am being over exaggerative in this post, just like yesterday ;) lol
continuing.
There are days when I end up being taken by surprise....and I end up feeling like I'm twelve again.
Young, immature, not one to be noticed by the handsome older people surrounding me, and totally out of my depth.
Yes. I went to FHE.
haha ;)
What does FHE have to do with feeling so young and out of my depth?
Well....It was a slip and slide party.
I showed up...and immediately felt super young in my jeans and t-shirt. Like an intruder to a celebrity party.
Why?
All the guys on the slip and slide...
>.> <.<
Were super cut.
Total Eye Candy.
()_()
needless to say I was like
()_() humminahuminaaaahhhiiii
I could barely string like three words together staring at them at first.
Whew, where were these guys earlier?
Oh...you mean they've been in my ward the whole time?
O.o Huh....guess I only ever see them in white shirts and suits.
I need to interact with my ward more often lol.
Because the guys were super cute.
But....I totally felt like an interloper. A party crasher showing up to that FHE.
I've lived in that ward for forever, but as it's summer....I'm usually gone most of the time.
So people think I'm new.
And it seriously doesn't help that I have a quiet voice.
Seriously.
I got up the courage to talk to one of the guys....and he walked right past me.
Didn't hear me.
That was a super blow to my self confidence.
Seriously...I thought I was going to cry. No idea why.
I was just....struggling.
All that eye candy surrounding me, and I felt like I was a 12 year old.
Somebody to be tolerated...but not someone to really interact with....at least not with the guys. I got along fine with the girls.
:S
In any case. It's safe to say that...seeing all these guys in shape....made me feel out of my depth. I actually felt like it was a typical summer party shown in the movies. And I did not fit that typical image. Hence... I reverted to being a shy observer standing in a corner listening to everyone's conversations and wishing I could join in.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the bo--leaves. I'll be watching the leaves. ;)
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

The Dream

I was at school going to classes and the like though I had problems fitting all my books into my bag, and it seemed like I couldn't do anything right. I was trying to get the right books out in the classroom of the portable I was in, while avoiding the teacher's disdain because I wasn't ready on time, I was glad to get away from the school and get on a train, but it seemed like I was hounded there as well and finally Captain America escaped from the confines of the train and clipped himself to the engine and became a small captain america doll so he could rest and prepare for what he was going to find on the end of the journey to my home. But somebody called him inside. So he stirred and became human again easily climbing into the engine. I landed inside the cockpit area gazing down the tracks. Everything was so green and grass was growing inbetween the tracks. Up ahead I saw a group of small black birds. They saw the train coming and fled, but there was one bird, our guardian bird named Charlie who  tried to flee but his foot was stuck on the metal railing. It was like he'd got caught in gum or glue and couldn't unstick himself. The train was barrowing onward, the conductor saw the bird and twisted the wheel to avoid it. But I knew he couldn't. Trains aren't like cars. You can't avoid something in your path, though this train appeared to do so...I knew the bird had gotten hit. And I silently mourned the loss, not sure how it could survive such an encounter. But then I saw something off to the side. A hairy creature moving along a parallel corridor with telephone poles. BIGFOOT! The area was so green with so many trees, but this creature was so brown and fur covered. I told Shane that I had seen it, but he didn't see it. I told him that bigfoots were known to travel along railroads and telephone lines and so I anxiously started looking, convincing Shane to look with me. Again I spotted a bigfoot. But it ended up being a man wearing brown pants and a fury coat climbing over the fence. We entered more human dwellings along the track and again I thought I saw the creature crouched by a chain link fence. But it was a person with extremely long bushy brown hair. I anxiously wanted to prove that bigfoot existed and so I continued anxiously looking along my left to see if I could spot a real big foot...

When the unholy tones of daylight pulled me away....
and I became myself again. :)

-S.N.D