Facing the Whirlwind

You've probably heard the saying that goes along the lines of "Help someone else and it will help yourself."

Well, funnily enough....I had that happen to me a couple of days ago.

I'd had a rough day.
I'd just worked an 8 hour shift all by myself because my coworker who was supposed to be with me called in sick. Leaving me alone.
It was all very handable. I did what I needed to do.
Which meant that I didn't get everything I needed to get done done.
But all the important "you can't hand this off to other people when they come in." Stuff got done.

So I was alright with that.
Mostly because I wasn't focusing on the work problem. That one is going to be a never ending one that pops up time and time again. And most of the time I can handle it.

No, I was focused on something else that day.
The possibility of finally being able to find an apartment where I could move in and live by myself for the first time without breaking the bank in order to do so.
If you read my post yesterday, you know how well that experience went.
Aka. Not very well.

Basically as soon as I walked in the doors to tour the place, I was gut punched with changes in the rent price from what was online. (apparently a special happening this month only or something, but they should SAY THAT ON THEIR WEBSITE!) Pulling it up another $200 making it so that even without all the other add ons like $20 for parking, $99 for internet/cable $$$ for all the utilities....I wouldn't be able to afford to live in such a place and actually have money left over for anything else.
But I had to play it cool. Do the stupid tour anyway, my heart being crushed further and further with every step I took.
Because I'd really talked myself up about this place. I'd convinced myself that I would be able to live here. That if it felt right, I would choose to live here. I would finally be able to move into this place and call it home once my current apartment contract ended.
So yah, it was a hard slap by reality that hit me that day.

And I suppose it was a 'tipping' point.
Just one setback too many.
Just one stress too much.
Just one...whatever it was.

But it devastated me.
Still is a bit devastating really.
To once again have a plan fall through. *sighs* This is why I don't like making plans. Because it feels like it always falls through when it involves what I want. What I need. What I think should happen.

Devastating.

And it was....like nobody cared.
Ha. I guess I'm a bit too good at hiding my hurt from others.
I'd bring it up. And they'd be like "Oh that's too bad...maybe next time."

Which I'm So. Tired. Of. Hearing.
But they didn't understand, couldn't know how much this actually was hurting me. How much I was disappointed that this plan did not work. That I was not okay even though I was trying to play it off as okay.

Yah, lots of tears were shed in my room.
References to my woes made on Facebook and Twitter.
You know in the good vague sort of way....

In any case.

Like the day before my disastrous apartment visit.
I'd been working on posting quotes I liked from General Conference on Twitter.

Posting things to help uplift other people who might need to see something positive in their feeds.
Admittedly...lol once I write down the quote and post it....I kinda just move onto the next thing. I don't really think about it.

Skip forward to the day after the disastrous visit.
Where I was still upset. Because I hadn't slept well. I felt close to tears all day long, and barely managed to appear alright at work.
(yah, it really made me off kilter this set back. Probably a full moon sort of woe playing with my emotions.)

And then I checked my mail.
And noticed that I had three notifications from Twitter

Which meant that something I'd posted had been found and liked, retweeted, or started a conversation.

So I checked.
And three different people had liked/retweeted the same tweet of mine.

It was from Elder Andersen's April 2014 General Conference Talk this particular quote.

And it said:

 Don't let the whirlwinds drag you down.

It's funny.
I don't even really remember posting this particular tweet.
And I don't know if the three people who liked it even were aware of my problem.
But it was the little boost I needed.
I needed them to draw my attention to that post.
As it basically kicked me into a different gear.
To start getting back on my feet.
To drag myself up out of my funk.
And find some positive energy again.
To start working my way back into again figuring out what I'm going to do about my apartment situation.

Don't let the whirlwinds drag you down.

Don't let the whirlwinds drag you down.

Don't let the whirlwinds drag you down.

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi