Not My Meeting

It's no secret that I don't like meetings.
Because I really don't.
Most of the time I feel like they're pointless time wasters.
The rest of the time I feel like I have no idea what is going on, but people expect me to know what is going on.

Yah.
This morning was like that.

I mean, it probably really didn't help that I had no idea this meeting was happening.
Give me a few days heads notice, sure, I'll resign myself to the fact that I need to go to the meeting. Prepare for it. You know....at least be more upbeat and willing to go.

>.<
I don't like surprise meetings.
Especially when they ruin my own plans.

So, last night, was one of the rare nights where I could stay up as late as I wanted.
Because I didn't have early work.
I didn't have church until later.
I didn't have any reason to not wake up until noon basically.

And then I had to look at my phone.
>.<
There, at midnight.
Someone had sent me a text.
Reminding me that we had a 'missionary meeting' tomorrow morning at 10 am.

I had no idea that this meeting was happening.
But I was halfway understanding about it, because it could have been brought up at church when I wasn't there. I mean...it should have been brought up in announcements and I went to that part of church the last couple of weeks.
Yet, nothing was mentioned before now to my knowledge. I mean, not even a facebook post.
Just a random text at midnight.

I seriously doubted if it was meant for me.
It was for ward missionary people.
Was I ward missionary person?
I have no idea, honestly. I'm in charge of online missionary work. But is that part of the ward missionary group or its separate group?

I could have pretended to not see the text.
Stayed up all night writing like I wanted to.

But responsible me decided to be responsible.
So I went to bed earlier than I wanted to.
So I could wake up and be ready when the meeting happened.

Which I did. Even without an alarm clock. Yay!
In any case.
I drove over to the house we were meeting at.

And immediately doubted that I was supposed to be there.
Because there were all these guys walking up to the door.
I didn't see a single girl.

O.O :S Had I received the text by accident?
Was I meant not to be there?

Turns out....
I don't think I was supposed to be.
As the meeting was focused on the Ward Mission Leaders and their progress in the ward.
And I'm....not really apart of that.
I mean, sure online missionary stuff was brought up,
But it wasn't the focus.

Its definitely a meeting where I got a strong sense of 'You shouldn't be here." unfortunately.
I contributed what I could, but.....I didn't feel apart of this group.
I felt rather isolated.

Some of that is probably my own fault.
I wasn't really in the frame of mind to do this meeting. I could have done more to participate.

But since I had no idea what the meeting was about and had no idea what was supposed to happen there, because no one tells you what it is, and they're all talking like you're supposed to have this down pat...
It's hard to feel any sort of confidence about being there.

*shakes head*

Overall. It was a nice meeting.
But I left with a sense of....bitterness. Loneliness. Isolation.
Because I had done the responsible thing and gone.
But I don't feel like I got a reward out of it.
I didn't get to do what I wanted to do.
So I found no joy in this thing I had to do.

There was probably a reason for me to have gone to this meeting.
Probably won't find out why, ever.

For now....I just need to try and get my mojo back out of the funk its found itself in.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi