A Step Back

 It's one of those Anxious days for me. 

Which... I suppose has been a bit more prevelant since the pandemic started .... 

Or It's just my natural Introvertedness taking further control thanks to the necessary social distancing stuff we needed to do for the pandemic.

In either case.

It was a day where it just felt like.... too much... to go out and deal with people today.

Which is rather sad in a sense that going to church shouldn't be stress inducing.....but yah. It's one of those things now where I find it difficult to make it to church just because my trust in the general populace....including my ward....has significantly decreased.

And it's hard to build that back up.

Like baby steps really.

I did go to Church last Sunday and actually socialized afterwards for the Break the Fast.

But today?

Today I couldn't do it.

I didn't want to get up. Didn't want to get all dressed up and put myself out there (what's the point if none of the guys talk to you?) Because that's it's own sort of stress to be 'visible' outside of my Customer Service Mask that I've donned for the past ten years. (I had my 10 year work anniversary the other day. That's rather crazy to think about. Ten years. TEN years. It's mind boggling) 

But yah.

Going to church with a bunch of near strangers....is hard. 

I'm hoping to make that better.

I want to make more of an effort as the year winds down to make it to church more often.

But today....today wasn't one of those days.

It was one of those days where I really needed to recharge and not talk to anyone or have expectations placed on me or leave the house.

So yah.

I spent the day chilling with only needing to socialize with the roomies around dinner time.

*shakes head*

We'll see if I can break through the wall of anxiety next Sunday.......

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi