Where's the Stable Ground?

 I've probably said it before and I'll definitely say it again.

But like.

I'm not a fan of change.

Or I guess...instablity?

I like things to be stable.

Which often means....unchanging.

And if things need to change....I do best when I have a heads up, so I can mentally prepare for said change and learn to accept it as the 'new normal' as it were.

And I have to admit....the past couple years has been....hard in that regards.

In regards to family really.

As I like to keep my family close. I like having them nearby and I enjoy doing things together with them. 

And one of the things that I've missed....is the traditions we used to have when Mother Dearest was around.

Like the tradition of gathering together as a family and going out to eat to celebrate someone's birthday.

I liked that. Liked meeting together to celebrate.

But with her passing....things changed.

Like we still meet together.

But we haven't had a family dinner out to eat in ages it feels like. It's been years since we've celebrated a birthday at a restaurant like we used to do.

And part of it is probably expenses. As we're a bigger family now with my siblings being married and it's only growing bigger with them also expecting newborns in the next little while.

So I get it.

Some traditions end up no longer fitting and needing tweaking.

But I do wish that they weren't just dropped.

I wish that I could get into the 'new normal' mindset of how things are going to be from here on out with our bigger families making it more difficult to all gather together to be together.

And part of the difficulty is probably from constantly being told "Family is important. I want to be with family." only for the actions to not match the words. 

What family is being talked about when birthdays are missed? When the opportunties to gather together and bond are dropped in favor of going to other places.

If family is important....why isn't more of an effort made to show that family is important? 

*exhales*

In many ways I know what is meant. And I can understand where everyone is coming from.

But the part of me that likes stability is just....left flailing. The part of me that doesn't want to change is torn asunder.

It's....depressing really.

And it makes it hard to want to interact with my family when I know I'm going to be hearing more news of change. More news of instability that I will have to adjust to until it becomes stable or shifts to yet another instability before I can find solid ground.

It's just....hard.

I get that things change....but a lot of the times I wish they wouldn't.

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi