Help Out

 One of my struggles in 2022 was the feeling of...well doing too much.

Like it felt like I was trying to help everyone else... .... But no one was helping me in return.

And like... I'm pretty independent. And oftentimes waaay introverted so the best way for me to Recharge is to like just vegge at home where I don't have to interact with people or have any expections or needs placed upon me. 

The feeling of "I help everyone but no one helps me" has had its waves at work. 

There are days where I feel like I'm the only one doing anything and everyone else is doing nothing. 

Like I recognize that my coworkers and fellow managers are doing things.

But like. They're only focusing on doing 'their' things.

Extras? Tasks that kinda blur the lines as to which 'department' they belong to? Yah no. It feels like everyone else leaves them by the wayside and I end up picking up the slack.

It's not the case.

But it feels like it.

And like. I'm a helpful sort of personality. I like making the job easier for everyone.

But I hate it when I don't get that support back.

Especially when it doesn't always feel like I can ask for help at work.

Afterall I'm the most senior member there. 

Therefore I have the most experience.

And with my focus being more petcare....and with me often being the only one on duty who is knowledgeable in petcare. A lot of the pressures there fall to me. Especially with customers.

And it's frustrating where you suddenly get called to adoptions and fish and crickets and hamsters all in a ten minute period. And you're only one person. Because you don't think anyone else is available to help you.

I brought this up to my Head Manager at one point. Where it feels like I'm not supported but I'm trying to support everyone else and she was like "Well, do you ask for help?"

Like...why ask for help if I know it's not available?

But I have been trying to make more of an effort to speak up and ask for assistance when things are getting a bit crazy. And I think Head Manager spoke to the other fellow managers as they have been a bit more willing to step in to help out when I need it.

But today?

*exhales*

Today was another day where it felt like I was the only thing keeping the store running.

As, before I'd even come into work, Head Manager had messaged me with a list of tasks that 'we' needed to get done today because HM wouldn't see me today to tell me in person.

Said tasks mostly focused on Stocking related things. Putting away the remaining cat food, taking care of a petcare pallet, taking care of a couple cat tower pallets. That sort of thing. 

And like. It wouldn't really be a big deal. 

I wanted to try and make sure that I was having other people help in this task. 

But like the Cashiers were busy being cashiers, the petcare person was busy helping petcare customers.

And my fellow manager who was supposed to be helping me with said Stocking Tasks.....had fallen sick. 

Like they were there at the store, but you could tell and hear that they weren't feeling good. So they were moving like molasses in getting things done.

And me being me....I tend to focus on tasks. I tend to try and take responsibility. I try to help ease my coworkers way. 

Which means I didn't push as much as I probably should have to have my fellow manager help out. Or to reach out to Petcare and have them help out. 

And I'd had some hopes that fellow manager could get at least one pallet done. 

But they'd barely touched it.

I'd managed to cat the cat stuff done...even though it took a couple of hours to do it because I kept getting interrupted by phone calls -because I was trying to answer the phone so my coworker wouldn't have to- as well as just...trying to be the first person in the store to offer to help when people needed backup and such.

Knowing that I wouldn't get it in return.

And knowing that I had multiple tasks that we needed to get done.

*exhales* Like there was a tower of petcare supplies taller than me and I managed to work that entire thing in a couplish hours despite frequent interruptions. Like pretty sure I'd put away 99.5% of that pallet while my coworker put away like %.5 percent of it. 

But yah.

It was just.... a tiring day. A day where it felt like I was the only one who could answer the phone, the only one putting away product, the only one backing up cashier, the only one doing manager related tasks, the only one doing etc etc etc.

And I recognize that wasn't fully the case. My petcare worker helped out where they could as well as my fellow manager helped out with the cashier related stuff. 

But I also recognize a bit of my stress and overwork was due to my own need to try and help my fellow manager have an easier day at work. 

*exhales*

In any case.

It's left me tired. 

And annoyed because I only got half of the stuff HM assigned us done. But still. Progress is progress....

Until you next find these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi