Strongly Tied

You Know....
I held it together pretty well.
This moving thing.
Wasn't emotional about it at all.
In fact looking forward to it.

But then....
I lost it.

You see my 'old' roomies LaKai, Kikay, Yetni and I decided to do a roommate dinner at Texas Roadhouse. To celebrate our last 'offical' day as roommates.
For I moved out.
LaKai got a job near her parents so she's only going to be at the apt on weekends.
And Yetni will be gone in a monthish to a camp out of state.
Leaving Kikay by herself (hopefully not all summer) in the apt.
So we celebrated.

Totally didn't think much of it.
Until...I had to leave.

Before this point, it felt more like I was just heading out on vacation.
The feeling that I would be returning...even if I wasn't.

But then as we left Texas.
Kikay gave me a stuffed animal doggie and a hug.
And the tears just came.

It hit me then.
This was 'Goodbye'
Even though I knew that I would be seeing them again today....

It totally reminded me of my first time moving out.
As Kikay had given me a small horse statue as a reminder of her.

lol I barely managed to keep my voice steady.
and the tears in my eyes.
But driving away from my roomies, from Kikay, from the apartment.
lol I cried the whole way to my new place, tears running down my cheeks...but luckily not smearing my mascara so I didn't look like a site, when running into strangers in the hallways. lol.  

Yah....
It's hard to put it into words what I'm feeling.

I guess...the best way to put it is....I'm a Cancer.

To quote from a random website:

Cancer is the astrology sign that is packed full of contradictions so when it comes to independence, they possibly can or can not be independent. On one side, they have the perseverance and drive to do what needs to be done, they are self-sufficient and do not need to depend on other people for the material and physical things in life. On the other hand, they depend on people for emotional support and encouragement. A Cancer that is not fully self-actualized will need the constant support of others and will not be very independent but the Cancer that is 'evolved' and has properly harnessed their emotional issues will be wildly successful as an independent human being. They crave attention and comfort from other people and they are happiest when they have a small, close knit group of friends or family.

lol it basically describes me.
I love being independent and on my own.
But I really love to have that emotional support nearby.
Basically I love being near family and having their presence.
And it's heartbreaking to me to leave my family and not be able to walk three steps and knock on the door to talk. Yep...strongly attached to the family. Particularly Kikay as we can stay up all night talking about this and that. And I love doing that...it will just have to be in a different way now...probably through texts or something.
It's also probably because I already did this once. When I moved away to college and didn't have Kikay there. Then she moved with me....and now I moved again....
*sighs*
Yah...once more I need to get used to being a bit more independent then I have been for a bit.
lol but that was the point of moving wasn't it?

It will just take me time to do so...
Probably seven months or so...
;)
-I say 7 months because that's about how long it took me to relax at Starsmet and feel comfortable with all the coworkers there.

Yep.
Here's to another new beginning.
I wonder what adventure it will bestow upon me while I'm here. :)

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi