When to Write?

I've often said that I use writing as a way to vent. As a way to work through my issues and like...figure out problems, find solutions, come to peace with events and just like....process things.

But I've noticed for a while now.
That there are days where I just....can't.

Writing is difficult. 
Especially when I'm dealing with personal problems that I know I can probably figure out how to fix/put behind me/deal with if I just took the time to...you know....write them out.

Because writing is how I process. How I deal with things. How I just....figure it out. 

But since like...probably before Mother Dearest passed....

I've been struggling to do that.

Sure I do usually end up writing every day.

But at the same time....I'll avoid writing.
I won't do the blog post.
I won't write in my journal.
I will fall silent on social media I post in.

Because I guess....the problem that is taking up my thoughts and causing me grief in some sort of emotional/mental/physical way....

I don't want to face just yet.

I just want to ignore it.
Pretend it doesn't exist.

Which I'm sure just stresses me out.
Because if I just write out the problem. Vent it out. Tell someone even if that someone is just my computer screen and no one else ever sees my words......

I'm sure I would feel better in the end.

But I'm sure I avoid writing about the topic that's bugging me for various reasons.

The main one being that I just don't want to process it yet.
I want to pretend, even just for a little bit, that there's no problem there stressing me out.

I need time to just...get my thoughts together? To have a clearer mind. (Ha) and to like...idk....be in a better state of mind to jot down my thoughts on the whole thing??

Yah. 
Something like that.

*exhales*

So yah. It's a trend I see in myself.
Avoiding using writing when I just...don't know exactly how to deal with things at that moment. 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi