Late For Real This Time

Once again, I have been faced with utter devastating bitter disappointment.

What happened you might ask?
Did Bill Nye strike again?
No.

....I was late for a meeting. :(

You might be wondering why being late to a meeting will invoke such utter despair from one such as I.
Well...

You see, I'm on the LDSSA Council at the Institute.
And I found out at the beginning of the year, during the 'pass the torch' ceremony, that if you are ON TIME to every single SEVEN AM meeting...that you can choose a really really AWESOME prize from this basket as a reward.

I really really really wanted that prize!
I even told my sister so last night.
And hence....my downfall.
I woke up on time today...but thought to myself "Oh, I can sleep five more minutes."
>.< I thought my alarm would go off again.
...it didn't.
Next thing I knew...my CoChair was texting me asking where I was and if I was coming...
I looked at the clock. My heart already sinking to my toes.
To see it said 7:02.

I was late.

And this time....I couldn't be "Late but Early" like I had been in the past.
No this time.
I was Late.

*sniff to the millionthzillionth degree*

The prize.
Is Gone.
Out of my reach.

I was utterly devastated.
To the point of tears.
Because I really really really wanted that prize. To have that accomplishment of being on time every time!

It was like....I found out I wasn't going to make the Celestial Kingdom.
That's rather extreme,
but this morning at that point in time.
That's how I felt.
I felt like I had had a taste of the glory...only to be cast into outer darkness
Where I could never gain that prize.

It was actually frightening to think of it that way.
After one slip up...
Outer Darkness.

I even thought to myself "What's the point of showing up on time to the meetings now? I won't get the prize?"

But therein I think is the key.
What is the point of showing up on time now?
Its a test. (to prove to myself that there are other reasons)
The 'worldly reason' is now gone.
Will I stick to it for a spiritual reason?
To get more spiritualness and all that?

The answer is: Yes.
I'm still disappointed. :(
But I'm going to do my best to be on time for the rest of my year.

heh...mostly because I'm hoping...that in the end...I will get a cool prize too.
Even if I wasn't 100% on time...maybe there is something for the 99% on time.
Or perhaps...as a thank you for the hard work I do...

lol.
It was actually rather sweet today....after the bitter disappointment.
Because one of the Secretaries gave me a couple of kisses 'to make it better' -she could see I was really upset...heh... I tend to "close in on myself when I'm upset. Head down, not talking...yah."
And throughout the day, I received compliments for my hard work, and skills and such.
Which did bring a smile back to my face :)

Though in the moment...it wasn't all that comforting.
It was like being given a piece of green glass in the shape of a stone...when I could have gotten the real emerald at the end of the year.
It just wasn't the same.

But...it did help :)

And somehow...this experience of being late. Was probably a blessing in disguise.
Maybe if I had been on time...something would have happened...that might have been bad.
That's what I usually think when things don't go my way...
That there is a reason.
Usually its a nice "slap down" after being "prideful" right before. A "remember to be humble Sarnic, don't get caught up in your awesomeness too much."
But then again...there might be a reason for why I was late...that had bigger ramifications...
I won't know til the movie in heaven most likely.

Still....it was disappointing,
However, I'm glad to have the blessing of "quick healing."
Okay its not really quick healing...but I do have a tendency to get over bitter disappointment...after an hour or so.
You could say that I don't wallow in my misery for long.
Even when I was in the depths of misery, I was already trying to find ways to pick myself up out of the muck and move on.
Telling myself that I'll probably get another prize.
That I have the opportunity now to prove that I am dedicated not to the prize, but to serving the Lord.
Stuff like that.
And it helps.
Though its still a twingeful bit painful.
It will fade with time.
And I'll manage to get back to my usual self pretty quickly. :)
>.< I'll also be sure to NOT say "five more minutes" on MONDAY mornings in the future. ;) lol

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi