The Assigned Paper

Its odd, how when I have no obligations, no grade to meet, no teacher to meet.
I have a really easy time writing things down.
I can go on for pages and pages and pages.
-So this blog can attest too...though it does sometimes take me a bit to figure out a topic to talk about.

However, I do end up with something to talk about.
Because I'm not required to do anything.
Its by free choice that I choose to write everyday and such.

Yet when I have a paper due soon....like Tomorrow.
I just can't  bring myself to write it.
Its like I'm rebelling.
I don't want to write the paper, because I don't want to. It doesn't have my interest.
And until that paper gets my interest.
Well....it takes forever to write.
I end up spending hours doing useless things.
Like playing endless games of Minesweeper or Solitaire trying to psych myself up and prepare myself to go and write that paper. Or I have to give myself a reward system.
Like...not being able to write this blog until my paper is done with.
(Yes, I actually did finish the homework that's due tomorrow before writing this. lol)
Still. I waste hours upon hours in a day.

Just because I don't want to write a paper.
Half of my problem comes from the idea that the concept doesn't interest me.
I'm being forced to do what I really don't want to do.
- Its worse for papers where I have to come up with my own topic. At least when I'm given a topic to talk about I have presentation. When I don't have a topic...well the writing purpose can take even longer...because I'm dithering about what I want to write. (I especially hate this topic for research papers that are open ended within a certain frame. Soo many choices, I just wish the teacher would give me a topic and set me loose. Then at least I'll have the bit in my mouth even if I don't have a rider.

But another thing that prevents me from writing quickly...is that I'm not sure what to say. I don't know how to word things correctly.
I admit the hardest part I find about writing a paper.
Is just starting the stupid thing.
That's why I intensely dislike writing essays.
Because I need to have a good introductory paragraph.
And it takes me F-O-R-E-V-E-R to come up with something I can work with for the rest of the paper.

I know that if I just buckle down and disconnect myself from my 'procrastinator' tools, that my papers might actually get written faster. Ha. Like that ever happens. More often then not if I start a paper and I then go to my procrastinator tools its so I can gather my thoughts and think about what I want to say next.

Who knows. Perhaps I just need to change how I approach writing these papers.
:) Or I need to be assigned papers that are longer then one page. It seems to be more difficult for me to write when I know I only have to write one page. Because....in case it hasn't been noticeable... ;) lol I tend to blather on and on.
And being restricted to one page....basically means that I have to restrict my thinking style. And I guess that's the main reason why assigned papers are so hard for me to write.
I hate being restricted in my thinking. In having to 'pair down my words' so that I can get everything I want to say on one page without it sounding half complete or choppy.

I hate restrictions >.< lol. I like it when its a minimum instead of a maximum
Because if I so choose. I can go as far above the minimum as I want.
The maximum is harder to deal with.
Still. I do find it fun to write.
even if it is an essay on some seminar or a summary of a book I read.
I just need to convince myself of that ;) lol.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi