A Change of Scenery

I feel like banging my head against the wall right now.
Hard. Really hard.
Because I don't understand it.
Well, actually. I think its just a way of thinking...to complain to others....without really wanting anything behind it but to complain.
Unfortunately. I don't work that way.
I hear a complaint. I want to fix it.
And it drives me absolutely crazy. When I hear the words "I can't because......"
If you can't. THEN WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT IT?!
...perhaps its just a 'safe thing' a..."I may not like it, but I'm sticking to it like glue no matter how hard you pull" thing.
Don't get me wrong. I know people complain to just...complain. To vent. To let out their frustration.
They're not really expecting a solution. They just want a listening ear.
But I really struggle to just have that 'listening ear' because I want to 'fix' their problem.
and they don't want it fixed.
But that's how I work.
You don't like this? Well do this. You can't....well then why can't you do this instead?
There always seems to be a....sticking point. And its never really because of things material. -money, car, house- No, its more immaterial things. -Relationships, family, self image, self confidence, concerns for others, wanting to be there for someone else- 
Yet I think often, the best way to get over the sticking point. Is a change of scenery. 
Its just that sticking point! Where I can't reason it out to them that some other way may be better.
So here I sit. 
Wanting to bang my head against the wall.
Because I can't understand what's holding them back. 
I recognize my life isn't their life. I'm all too often reminded of that fact.
But what is the point of having my life...if I can't use the knowledge I gain from my own experiences. To help others?  I may not have gotten to a particular impasse the same way as the other person. But I did hit that impasse. And I got over it. So why can't you let me show you a way to do it as well with some tweaking and a slightly different path that takes into account your own...differences...

Its just so frustrating.
I see that you're stuck in a rut. That you say you want to get out of that rut.
And yet when I suggest ways that will help you take a step towards getting out of that rut that's darkening your outlook because the walls are so high....
you shake your head and say "Oh no, I need to stay in this rut until such and such a thing happens."
THEN WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT IT?!
Why must you stay in that rut? Why can't you get out of it? Why can't you reach your goal...elsewhere. Why must you stay in the rut? Why? If you don't like it..I would think that it would be obvious...that you need to change the scenery. A change can do wonders for that rut. Make things come out in a different light.
Its like climbing a mountain.
Sure the climb may be difficult. Hard and terrifying at times.
But that hill...that can't be so hard.
and upon reaching that hill...you can see how the valley wasn't the best place for you to be. Perhaps its a very polluted valley, and you realize that you're better off.
Though its possible that the valley. Looks awesome, bright shining. Green. And you realize. "Hey this wasn't so bad, I actually am quite well off."
Or...you will continue to climb outwards.
But I think until you change the scenery..you can't really see how good or bad you have it.

Until that point happens though.
I need to work on not trying to 'solve' the problems people confide in me.
And just be that listening ear, that quiet voice of comfort, a voice of reason, a voice that will point out the positive things as well as the negative (I start trying to solve the problem at this point), basically a voice that will say "You're doing fine, yes it is a difficult time in your life, but I think you're doing good. Keep working at it, you will succeed."

So for those of you out there who feel like you're stuck in a rut, and you can't get out, and nothing seems to be going right, and life just plain stinks...

You're doing fine. :) Everything has a purpose in its life and you're doing pretty good with whats happening with you right now. Yes, you could be doing better, but you could also be doing worse. But right now. You're doing good. Keep working at it. Your goal will be realized soon...as long as you're working on it. :) You will succeed.

And until then. I'm pretty sure I'll still be banging my head on the wall, and biting my tongue to try and not help, when its not needed. :) lol.

Until you next see these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

Note: I will not be posting tomorrow, due to an Institute Retreat. I will post again on Friday when I get back. :)

The Dream


My mom, Kikay and I were in a canyon area. It had red rock and lots of brush. And looked familiar to me. Meaning that I have dreamed of similar scenery. It looked alot like a place I've dreamt of a couple of times before...except its usually covered in snow. and this wasn't.
But we were on the run ( like usual) making our way along the red rock cliffs
Now that I think of it, it kinda looked like the hike in Natural Bridges.
And we came to this crevice.
It wasn't that deep, but it hadn't been there before. My mom commented that all the rains must have washed out this gully area. So we had to climb down and back up in order to get to the other side. -about six feet or so. It wasn't that deep.
But when we were inside. I discovered this rock filled with stuffed animals. Some I already had. others that I didn't. I knew I couldn't take them all as we sheltered there in that hollow.
But I decided on three small ones. -they could all hide in the palm of my hand. Two were blob looking things of a creme color. and the other one was a small monkey looking creature.
My mom said that we had to go. The helicopter had just took off so that would give us a chance to escape from the people after us.
Mom and Kim set off. But I had trouble.
I was still debating about whether or not I should take the other stuffed animals. I saw a couple of Lucky-a small Dalmatian of mine, with his little monkey pal. and other creatures I had. I felt guilty for not taking them. So I dithered. Deciding to just take the three I had,  but then wanting to take them all, then just the three, then maybe a couple more then my original three.
Then my mom called out "The helicopter is coming back sooner it will be here in 19 mins"
Which meant that I was on a deadline. But I couldn't seem to leave all those stuffed animals (about twenty or so all of them pretty small) behind to get washed away by the next rainstorm.


My family was in the parking lot of Smiths. An announcement of sorts was going on. And there were paparazzi everywhere. I was best friends with an actress named Kate Winslet -but she didn't look like that actress. She looked like the actress who was the first guest judge on Project Runway season 9. She was being surrounded by paparazzi in her burgundy colored SUV. I made my way over to her and said "Hey Kikay come on." To try and throw the paparazzi off our trail by confusing them. That they might have mistaken my 'sister' for an 'actress'
I don't know if it worked. but she was grateful that I was able to help her out.
But Kikay was getting alot of attention herself. She had done something heroic basically 'saving the day'
And I had done...nothing.
I felt a bit...unneeded. A bit...I dont' know. I felt like i was a disappointment or something.
I was trying to help. Weaving around on a shopping cart shifting my body weight to make it go where I wanted it to go -like a skateboarder- and ended up in a bathroom area to clean myself up...it was the guys bathroom...because I didn't feel welcomed in the girls bathroom. and the guys were friendly but preoccupied.
I went out of the cell like place and to an airplane wing nearby where my sister was recuperating from her 'heroric' act.
Yah...still felt useless. And I had this annoying bump on my right cheek. -like a pimple- that I couldn't seem to get rid of and it was irritating me because it was itching
I glanced at my clock and had to glance at it again. It said 2:30pm.
I didn't think I had slept in that long. But I started to panic. Because I had a meeting at 2:30pm I needed to get to and I was still in bed!


then the unholy tones of daylight pulled me away....
And I became myself again.


-S.N.D